


swallow courage and spit out pain

by Softlight



Series: Liberation [2]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Buckle up kids, F/F, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, trigger warnings at the top of each chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 45,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24056047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softlight/pseuds/Softlight
Summary: Reunited, Blake and Yang have to figure out how to heal while trying to save the world and each other.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long
Series: Liberation [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632346
Comments: 268
Kudos: 262





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to volume two! I'm happy you're here. Title is from Nikita Gill, and general trigger warnings for the volume include depression, self-hate, nightmares, mentions of past abuse, etc. Please proceed with caution.

Blake is shaking. She hasn’t stopped shaking since she was put in her cell what feels like weeks ago. She’s pretty sure she shook in her sleep last night, but no one will tell her if she did or not. She decides she didn’t, because the alternative is too depressing to consider.

She’s been in her cell for several sleeps now. Blake doesn’t know how many days have passed because she can feel that she has been sleeping too much. Her sense of time is skewed, and there’s no one who will tell her how many days she’s been there. She’s in a cement block, and there’s no window. There’s not even a clock. Only a vent, and despite it, she feels like there’s no air in there with her. Everything around her is still. Everything in her is still.

Someone has shoved and recollected a plate of food at her every couple hours. She can’t eat it. She tries, and she nearly throws up. Her mouth is dry, and she drinks the water they give her greedily, but even the idea of food makes her sick to her stomach. She’s too nervous to eat, too terrified. She manages a few bites of every plate before her stomach betrays her, and she barely stops herself from heaving it all back up.

Her ears perk up as she hears the lock to her door turn, and she’s on her feet as fast as her wound will allow her. It’s mostly healed, but she aches, and that’s enough to warrant her moving slowly. She doesn’t have to move fast anymore. 

The door unlocks to reveal a door, and there’s two guards. She turns and puts her hands behind her back, ignoring the way her skin revolts when they touch her. Their touching is to a minimum at least, and her hands are locked behind her. “Move it,” one of them grunts, and she takes her first steps outside her cell in who knows how long.

They take her down a colorless corridor with doors that look just like hers, and she can hear screaming and sobbing from inside them. She winces at the overwhelming noises, but she just keeps walking. She doesn’t bother asking where they’re going. They’ll tell her what she needs to know when she needs to know it.

They open the door to another room, this one with a table and chairs. One of the chairs is already filled, and she assumes she’s meant to sit down in the one opposite the stranger. She sits down as delicately as she can, ignoring the strain in her shoulders and the way her metal clanks against the metal of the chair. The chair is bolted to the floor, she notes, and so is the table.

“Miss Belladonna, do you know who I am?” the stranger asks, looking up at her from over a file. Her eyes flicker down, and she can see an old picture of her along with some neat handwriting. Her eyes shoot back up.

“I’m going to assume my lawyer.” She hasn’t spoken in days. She had almost forgotten she could.

The stranger nods. “My name is Sepia Glass, and I’m your lawyer.” She pushes up her glasses, nails neat and well-manicured. Blake resists the urge to flex her own grimy fingers. “You have quite the case, Miss Belladonna.”

“If I can call you Sepia, you can call me Blake.”

Sepia nods, lips pursed but her eyes are kind. “Blake, then. Do you know how long you’ve been here?” Blake shakes her head. “It’s been two weeks. I asked that you be notified of the passing of time, but apparently they don’t listen to lawyers, so I’ll be sure to make note of that.” Sepia writes in the notebook besides Blake’s file. Her handwriting, even upside down, is clear and clean. She could probably read it if she tried. 

She doesn’t.

“They’ve charged you with larceny, burglary, and aiding and abetting first degree murder. Have they told you this?”

She shakes her head.

Another note in the notebook.

Sepia sighs and puts her pen down. She folds her hands and looks at Blake. Her eyes are soft. “How are you doing, Blake?”

“I’ve been better.” Sepia nods, face serious. 

“I can only imagine. How is your wound healing? I’m of the understanding that it’s been a slow process.”

She shrugs. “I think it’s okay. No one’s told me otherwise.” Sepia’s brows raise, and Blake sees the twitch that goes through her as she stops herself from reaching for her pen. 

“Has anyone seen to your wound since you’ve been here?”

“They wrapped it when I first got here, and then unwrapped it a few days later.”

“That’s it?”

She nods. Sepia’s brows raise, and this time she makes a note. “What is your cell like, Blake?”

“It’s gray. There’s a vent.”

“No window?” 

A part of her wants to demand what this has to do with her case, but she’s tired. She shakes her head.

Another note.

Sepia folds her hands on top of all her papers. Blake stares at her perfect nails. 

“Blake, I’m going to need to ask you some difficult questions. Do you need anything before I start?”

She thinks about asking for water, but she shakes her head. 

“Good, good.” Sepia smiles before her face assumes a pleasant but neutral mask. “How would you define your relationship with Adam Taurus?”

Blake closes her eyes. Red flashes behind her lids. “He was my partner.”

“Can you elaborate on what that means for me?”

“We fought together.”

“And outside fighting, what was your relationship?” Her voice is gentle. She has the feeling she already knows, and she wants to demand why she needs to say it. The fury burns out quickly, and she’s left with the ashes of it. 

Blake swallows. “He was my romantic partner.” _Romantic_ tastes bitter in her mouth.

“Were you willingly in this relationship?”

“At first.”

At first, she had loved him. At first, his hands had been soft. At first, he had taught her so much. At first, he didn’t love her spitefully.

“What changed, Blake?”

“I tried to run.”

“Run from?”

Her throat bobs. “Adam. The White Fang. All of it.”

“What happened when you tried to run?”

“He caught me. He-” Her voice catches, and she clears her throat. “Could I maybe have some water, please?”

Sepia nods, and she stands up and pours her a cup from the cooler in the corner. She puts a straw in it and puts it before Blake. Blake takes a sip. It’s ice cold.

“Thank you.” She closes her eyes. “He beat me after. With his belt.”

“And when was this, Blake?”

“Just over two years ago.”

“Did he beat you often?”

“Sometimes. Always with the belt after I tried to run, but he used his hands when I didn’t listen.”

“How many times did you try to run?”

“I think six. Seven, if you count Haven.”

“Let’s come back to what happened at Haven, okay?” 

Blake nods. 

“Where did he beat you, Blake?”

“My back, with the belt. Everywhere else with his hands.”

“Do you have any scars from him?”

“My back. And now my hip.”

Sepia writes something in her notebook, and Blake closes her eyes. She is tired.

“What else did he do to you, Blake?”

Blake takes another sip of water. “How do you mean?”

Sepia shifts. “Did he hurt you in other ways?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Another sip of water. “He locked me up sometimes. Not often, but I wouldn’t get food or water until he let me out. It only happened a few times, though.” 

Sepia nods. She writes a note. “Did he ever force you to do anything?”

Blake’s turn to nod. “He tried to make me kill that girl. At the Fall of Beacon. I didn’t. He was always trying to get me to do that. I never did, though.” She swallows. “Sometimes he would hold me down and…” She trails off, averting her eyes. “It wasn’t always like that, though. Sometimes he would be kind.”

She’s not sure why she wants to defend him. 

“Anything else that you’d like to add about your relationship, Blake?”

She thinks for a moment. “He lied a lot. He told me the girl from Beacon, he told me he killed her. And she’s alive.” Something flickers in her, but it’s snuffed out just as quickly. 

“Is there anywhere Adam would go now?”

“Back to the White Fang.” She pauses, and she lowers her gaze to the table. “He’s going to come after me.”

“Blake, he won’t come within a hundred miles of you. Not while you’re here. You’re under constant protection.”

“He’ll find a way. He always does.” She closes her eyes. “He’s killed before to get to me.”

“You’re safe here.”

“For now.”

Sepia clears her throat. “Last question, Blake.” She shifts again. “Was anyone in the White Fang aware of the truth of the nature of your relationship with Adam?”

“Not to my knowledge.”

Sepia scratches some notes down, and Blake watches as her pen loops around the page. “Thank you, Blake. This will be very helpful in building our case. I’ll be back again in the next day or two. Do you need anything?”

Blake blinks. “What?”

“Do you need anything? A thicker blanket, chocolate, anything like that?”

She moves to shake her head, then pauses. “Can you find out if my parents are here?” Her voice cracks. 

“They are. You haven’t seen them yet?”

She shakes her head. “Have they… Do they want to see me?”

“Blake, they’re here every day. I had just assumed they were seeing you.”

“No. I haven’t seen anyone.” Her throat bobs. “Thank you, Sepia.”

“Would you like me to pass on a message to them, Blake?”

“Tell them-” She swallows. “Tell them I’m sorry.”

Something on Sepia’s face flickers, but she nods. She starts gathering up her papers. “I will, Blake. And I’ll be back before you know it.”

Blake nods, and then she’s led away.

They release her from her handcuffs once she’s back in her cell, and Blake just stares at the wall until the door closes behind her.

She falls to her knees. Pain ignites up her legs as bone smacks against stone. She ignores it. She lets herself collapse onto her side, just barely making it onto her mattress. 

Blake stares at her nails. Hers are ragged and broken. They’re not neat and clean like Sepia’s were. She’s been ripping at them too much for them to be half as maintained as hers were. 

Her hair is in her face, and it’s making her nose itch, but she’s too tired to move. So she leaves it. 

She flops onto her other side and curls against the cold wall. She likes corners. She feels safe in them for some reason. She knows she’s not, but it’s the closest to safe she feels in her cell. She only lets herself sit in the corner when she’s going to bed or when she thinks she’s about to cry.

Blake is too tired to cry, but her eyes are swelling hot with tears, and she can feel the urge in her chest to start hiccuping. She takes a deep breath, but she loses it on the exhale. She is so tired. 

_I’ll be back for you, my love_.

She shoves her fist in her mouth to stop herself from screaming, and she bites down until she’s about to break skin, and then she keeps biting. Her mouth tastes metallic. She keeps biting. She’d read somewhere that it takes the same amount of force to bite off a finger as it does a carrot. She doesn’t think she has the stomach to bite off her finger. But it’s good to know.

She stares at the wall and lets her hand drop out of her mouth. Her hand is red and indented from her teeth, but she stares at the wall and loses herself in its grayness. Everything around her is gray. It’s so colorless. So empty. 

She knows the feeling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! Hope you're all well in all this craziness and are staying safe and healthy.   
> Trigger Warnings: panic attack/nightmare, brief violence

“Bad news, everybody. It’s going to be another two weeks before we can leave for Argus.” Qrow rubs his chin, sighing. “The train station won’t be repaired before then.”

“It’s already been two weeks!” 

“We know, we all know,” Qrow says. He takes a drink from his flask. “But they’re rebuilding as fast as they can. And we can’t get there any other way.”

“Of all the bombs that _had_ to go off,” Weiss grumbles, crossing her arms. “Of all the bombs they managed to disarm, why didn’t they manage to disarm the one we actually needed?”

“Let’s just be grateful that none of the other bombs went off,” Jaune cuts in. 

“Of course, that’s not what I-”

“We know.” Ruby sighs. “I’m just happy we’re all here together.”

“But we have to get the Relic to Atlas sooner rather than later,” Nora says. “It can’t be safe for us to just have it out in the open for so long.”

“Miss Valkyrie is correct. But we can’t do anything about it until the station is repaired and the trains are running again. Our best option is to stay here until we can go directly to Argus. The woods between are not safe for us,” Ozpin says, spine stiff. 

“I sent Ironwood a letter letting him know we’re coming, but with communication like it’s been, I doubt it will get to him before we do,” says Qrow. “We’re stuck until the train station is repaired, so we might as well make the best of it.” He stretches upwards and scratches the back of his head. “Call me if you need anything.”

“Where are you going?” Ruby asks.

“Around. Don’t wait up.”

Yang watches him go with a sigh, shifting to her feet. “I’m heading out, too,” she says. 

Weiss’s eyes narrow. “Are you going to try to go see that White Fang girl again?”

“Does it matter?”

“She was ready to blow up half of the city, so, yes, it does matter, Yang.”

“Weiss-”

“Quit it, you two!” Ruby says, gaze flickering between the two of them. She nods at Yang. “Be home for dinner, okay?” She smiles, but something passes over her face that Yang can’t identify.

She nods. “I’ll be back before you know it.” Yang ignores Weiss’s glare as she leaves, and she shuts the door behind her.

She’s gone to the prison almost every day for the past two weeks. She hasn’t been allowed to see Blake any of the days she’s gone, but she still goes to try. If she’s stuck in Haven, she might as well try to get to her. 

“You again, Blondie?” The guard sighs as she approaches. “I told you, we’re not accepting visitors for Miss Belladonna.” 

“Can you check again, please?” She bats her eyelashes and smiles. 

The guard shrugs. “I’m telling you, the only people allowed to see her are her lawyer, and you are not a lawyer.”

“I could be! You don’t know my life!” 

The guard stares, unimpressed.

“Look, can I visit her or not?”

The guard checks his screen, and he shakes his head. “I’m sorry, but we’re still not accepting visitors for Miss Belladonna at this time. You can try again tomorrow,” he says, rolling his eyes. 

“Has anyone been allowed to see her?”

“Her lawyer.”

“Are you here to see Blake?” A female voice makes Yang whirl around, and she’s staring at a woman with gold eyes and black cat ears. She looks so much like Blake. Yang takes a deep breath, nodding.

“Yeah. Are you?” she asks, folding her arms.

“Yes. Are they- Have they let you-” The woman sags. “Have you seen her?”

Yang shakes her head. “No. I’ve been here almost every day, and they won’t let anyone in. Which has to be illegal!” she says, raising her voice. The guard shrugs.

“Just doing what I’m told, Blondie.”

Yang huffs and turns back around, smiling. “I’m Yang, Yang Xiao Long. How do you know Blake?”

“I’m her mother, Kali.”

“Right. I should’ve guessed.” Yang awkwardly extends her hand, and Kali shakes it tenderly. She doesn’t shrink away from her arm, and Yang’s smile widens. 

“How do you know Blake?” she asks, gesturing Yang to come sit down beside her. Yang sits, crossing her legs and leaning towards Kali. 

“She saved my life,” she says bluntly. 

Kali puts a delicate hand over her mouth. “She did?” she asks, voice watery. 

Yang nods. “At the fall of Beacon. She saved me. And I was there when she was arrested, and I want to be there when she gets out.” Her hand wants to shake, and she grabs it with her arm and holds it steady. 

Kali’s eyes soften, and tears start to leak out. “Oh, that’s so kind of you,” she says, reaching for Yang’s hand once more and squeezing. “I’m sure she’d love to see you again. I just wish it were under better circumstances.” 

Yang nods. “Have you been in to see her?” 

Kali’s face crumples. “No. They won’t let us see her. My husband, Ghira, and I have been here trying every day, and they keep turning us away. Her lawyer can’t talk to us because Blake’s an adult, but we saw her on her way out earlier, and she said that we might be able to see her soon.”

“That’s good.” Yang squeezes back. 

“Her trial is scheduled for later this week. I’m sure another friendly face would be welcomed,” Kali says, and Yang nods.

“If I don’t have to leave before then, I will definitely be there.”

Kali smiles. “Thank you, Yang.”

* * *

“You’re not going to that trial,” Qrow says, and Yang barely resists the urge to stomp her foot.

“Can you stop me?” she asks, choosing instead to cross her arms.

“Yes.” Qrow looks at her flatly. “I don’t want to, firecracker, but I will.”

“Why?” Yang wants to rip her hair out. “What’s the harm in letting me go?”

“This girl is trouble, Yang. You don’t want to get messed up in this,” Qrow warns. 

“We’re trouble already!” Her hands curl to fists. “There’s literally no harm in me just watching the trial, Qrow.”

“You want to go that bad, huh?” he scoffs. “Why? Because she saved your life?”

“Yes. I owe her that much.”

He sighs, running his hand over the back of his head. “We need you here, Yang. You can’t keep jetting off and abandoning us for this girl.”

“We’re not doing anything here! We’re just waiting!”

Qrow rubs his chin. “Your team needs you here.” 

She sighs. “I want to see her.”

“How about I go to her trial, and you wait here?” 

Yang blinks. “You’d do that for me?”

Qrow nods. 

“Why? You really want me to not go that bad?”

“Your team needs you here.” His eyes flicker. “It’s your turn to protect the Relic, anyways.”

“Fine.” She uncrosses her arms. “Thank you. For going.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, firecracker.” 

* * *

Yang knows she’s dreaming because her mother comes back for her. 

Raven smiles at her and reaches out her hand. “Come on, Yang,” she coos. Yang’s legs are short, and she’s toddling after her. 

“Mom!” she cries, throwing her arms around her. 

Raven hugs her back, but her hug becomes tighter and tighter, and Yang can’t breathe. Raven pushes her down, and then she’s on the ground and her body is her own again. Raven stalks around her, blade out and glowing. Her sword is red, and Yang is shaking.

“You’re weak,” Raven sneers, circling her. Yang curls into a ball, but Raven crouches down beside her. Her face is surprisingly soft as she tilts her head down to look at her, eyes glowing with red flame. “It’ll all be okay. I’ll make it quick.”

Yang spits at her. “Fuck you.”

Raven shrugs, sliding her mask down over her face as she stands up. “It didn’t have to be like this, you know.”

She stays quiet as her mother lops off her head, and then she screams.

Yang wakes up shaking. Every night since Haven, she’s dreamt of her mother. Every night, her mother kills her. Every night, she wants to believe she wouldn’t. Every night, she’s proven wrong. 

She flexes her hand, trying to stop the shaking. It doesn’t work, but she keeps doing it anyways. Yang flips over onto her side, and her knees curl into her chest as she stares out the window. The moon is bright tonight. The moonlight spills in across her bed, and she turns briefly to look over at Weiss and Ruby. They’re both sound asleep. Good. She hadn’t woken them up this time.

It had been hard to explain the other night why she had woken up screaming. Ruby had been at her side in an instant, Weiss a second behind her. It had been so claustrophobic, and she had stammered out some lie about Adam. It wasn’t a lie if it was sometimes true though, was it? They had snuggled her back to sleep, but it hadn’t helped. In her dreams afterwards, Raven had just killed them instead of her.

Yang takes a deep, steadying breath, but it comes out shaky. She takes another, and another, and another.

In, one.

Out, two.

She hasn’t told anyone about her mother’s secret. About their shared secret now, she guesses. They had to focus on getting the Relic to Atlas, and then they could worry about her mother and the Spring Maiden. If she told everyone now, it would just cause chaos. Wouldn’t it?

In, three.

Out, four.

Selfishly, she wants to keep it to herself. If she keeps it to herself, then it’s not really real. Her mother didn’t kill someone, out of mercy or not. Her mother didn’t betray them. Her mother didn’t leave her. Again. 

In, five.

Out, six.

And it’s not like everyone knowing would change anything. It’s not like their mission would become hunting down Raven and forcing her to change sides. It’s not like they could, anyways. It’s not like her mother would ever change from her side, the only side that matters to her.

In, seven.

Out, eight.

Besides, Qrow would lose his shit, and who knows what Ozpin would do. Maybe he already knew. He wasn’t exactly the most honest guy Yang had ever met. He probably knew, and he was probably keeping it a secret to keep Qrow from hating Raven even more. Right?

In, nine.

Out, ten.

She pulls her knees closer to her chest. Yang hadn’t realized how hard she would crack when her mother left. She had made her choose, safety or Yang, and Raven chose. Yang doesn’t know why she thought Raven would pick a different choice, pick her for once. 

But she wanted her to. Wants her to. Yang wants her mother to pick her, dammit, and be strong for her. Moms were supposed to be the strong ones, not the kids. Moms were supposed to stay. Moms weren’t supposed to leave. 

And Raven just kept leaving her.

A part of her wonders if there’s something wrong with her. Something that only a mother could see, would know to run from. Something that was born broken inside her. She knows better, usually, but she can’t stop the way she wonders. 

Maybe she just isn’t worth staying for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all Thursday! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Hope your week is going well so far.   
> Trigger Warnings: depressive mindset, mild self harm

Sepia brings her a change of clothes the day of her trial. Blake hates the stiff and scratchy material of the pantsuit, but she doesn’t complain. New clothes feel good after being in the same ones for so long. She ignores her face in the mirror, staring instead at her unfamiliar body.

She looks thin. Thin as in she can see her ribs and count them. Thin as in she’s scared if she breathes too hard her organs will fall out of her skin. Thin as in _weak_. His voice echoes in her head, and she can’t tell the difference between his words and her own. So she just shuts her brain off.

She pulls the top over her head. It wraps around her ribs like a hug. She isn’t used to something constantly touching her there, and a part of her hates it. She ignores it. Blake slips into the blazer Sepia provided and buttons it up three quarters of the way. It hangs off her and gapes, but she’s looked worse. 

Blake swallows, fixing her collar as she turns away from the mirror. She knocks on the door, and the guards come and handcuff her. They walk back down the wailing hallway, but they turn right and go through several doors. Sepia is waiting for her, and she rises as she sees Blake.

“You ready?”

She nods, clenching and unclenching her hands. “I’m ready.”

Sepia pushes up her glasses. 

* * *

“Miss Belladonna, you are accused of larceny, burglary, and aiding and abetting first degree murder, how do you plead?”

Blake clears her throat and rasps, “Guilty.”

“But committed under duress,” Sepia adds. “Miss Belladonna was forced to commit these acts by one Adam Taurus.”

She twitches.

“Additionally, the conditions Miss Belladonna has been subject to are not only disgusting but unlawful, especially as a person of her mental and physical state. Miss Belladonna has been refused visitations, medical care, and information that I specifically requested be provided to her. If this trial is to continue, these must be rectified immediately.”

“Objection, Miss Belladonna has been treated like any other prisoner.”

Sepia cuts a cool glare at the man speaking. “She may have been treated equally, but she has not been treated equitably,” she says. 

Blake is sure she’s been given just what she deserves, but she stays quiet.

* * *

She shifts in her chair. Everyone is staring at her here, and she can see them staring. The weight of their gazes is heavy, and she shudders underneath the strain. She lifts her chin, and she stares at the back of the room. 

“Miss Belladonna, did you ever try to run from the White Fang?”

She nods. “Six times, seven including the attempted sacking of Haven.”

“And what happened after you attempted to run?”

She closes her eyes. “Adam Taurus would find me and take me back.”

“Why?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

Sepia coughs, but continues. “What would he do after he brought you back?”

“He would- he would beat me.” Someone in the crowd lets out a sob, and her eyes focus in on her mother, hiding her face in her father’s chest. She clenches her fists in her lap, and she takes a deep breath and refocuses her attention on the back row of the courtroom. There is a man in the back row, a man that looked vaguely familiar. She stares at him.

“He would beat me with his belt until I was bloody. He only used the belt when I ran, though. He would beat me whenever I disobeyed, but only with his hands. The belt was saved for when I ran.” She clears her throat.

“Are you saying you were punished for trying to run?”

Blake nods. The man in the back is frowning at her. “Yes. If I disobeyed him, he would-” Her voice catches, but Sepia only nods. 

“Do you have proof of these beatings?”

“My back. It’s covered in scars from him.”

“And if the jury will look to the screen, here is a picture of Miss Belladonna’s back-”

Blake doesn’t look, but she sees the reaction of the crowd, and her knuckles turn white. People look ill, and her mother is shaking in her father’s arms. The man she’s staring at looks pale, and she sees his throat bob. She doesn’t look. Her nails, broken as they are, dig into her palm. She wants to bleed.

“Miss Belladonna, do you have any other scars from Mister Taurus?”

“My hip. He stabbed me at the sacking of Haven, after I tried to run. He stabbed me, and then he ran.” Her throat bobs.

Her hand moves to her side, and she pokes her wound. She winces, as though she expected any other reaction.

“Would anyone be able to verify your story?”

Blake shakes her head. “He beat me when we were alone. But Ilia Amitola saw me get stabbed.”

“Thank you.” Sepia paces before her. “Would he hurt you at other times, Miss Belladonna?”

“Yes.” She clears her throat. “He would beat me when I disobeyed him. The belt was saved for when I ran, but he would beat me with his hands.”

“And how regularly would he beat you?”

“It depended.”

“On?”

“If I obeyed him. If I was good.” Her throat bobs. “But that wasn’t often enough.”

“Can you tell us what happened the night of the attempted raid on Haven?”

“I started to run just as the police and Ilia descended on the White Fang.”

“Why didn’t you run to them?”

“Because I was scared.”

“Of?”

“This, I guess. But scared of him finding me more. If I ran to them, he would see me. He still found me in the end, though.”

“And what happened once he found you?”

“He tried to take me with him. I struggled, and Ilia Amitola saved me.”

“And then?”

“He stabbed me, and then he ran.”

“Is there anything else you would like us to know?”

Blake stares at her hands. “This wasn’t my choice,” she says, voice quiet. “I tried to run. This- This wasn’t how I wanted my life to go.”

Sepia nods. “Thank you, Miss Belladonna.”

* * *

The trial passes in a blur of questions, questions that make her scratch at her palms until her hands bleed, questions that make her wish her organs would fall out of her skin, questions that make her ill. 

She ignores her parents. She can’t bear to look at them when they ask her about how he beat her, what he did to her, what he made her do. Her mother quietly sobs for much of the trial, and Blake is exhausted. She wants to run into their arms and shake, but she’s so tired. She’s so tired.

Instead, she focuses her attention on the man in the back row. He’s drinking from a flask for most of the trial, and he doesn’t shy away from her dead-eyed stare. He’s listening to her without reacting, for the most part, and it’s easier to focus her attention on a person than on the wall. She tells him everything, and he takes it in stride. Blake doesn’t know why he’s there, or why he cares, but he doesn’t seem to, and that makes it easier, somehow.

The jury goes out to discuss, and she’s sitting there, waiting. Her palms are bloody, and she hides them from Sepia by clasping her hands together. A part of her wants to rot in a cell for all she’s done. For all she failed to prevent, for all the chaos and pain she’s helped to bring the world.

But a larger part of her just wants to go home and rest.

“Blake Belladonna, you are found not guilty.”

* * *

She steadies herself as she prepares to open the door. Her parents are through there. Her family is through there. 

“Nervous?” a voice asks, and she whirls around.

It’s the man from the trial. He’s still drinking from his flask, but he’s leaning against the wall. Her hands itch to reach for Gambol Shroud, but she hasn’t gotten it back yet.

“How did you get in here?” she asks, fists clenched. Her palms are still bleeding.

He shrugs. “Does it matter?”

She sags. “You’re not supposed to be here,” she says, but her voice is weak.

“I’m right where I’m meant to be.”

“Are you here to kill me?”

He barks out a laugh. “No, if I wanted you dead you’d be dead.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

He turns to face her. “I have an offer for you, Belladonna.”

“What?”

“I saw you fight. You helped my niece with Cinder’s cronies during Haven. You were good, and you were injured. I need, well, _we_ need a good fighter.”

She crosses her arms. “Who’s we?”

“Most of the people you saw during Haven when you were fighting Mercury and Emerald. Me. My boss.” He snorts at that.

“And you all are?”

“The people giving Cinder and her boss a run for their money.” He takes a swig of his drink. “We’re doing our damnedest to protect the world. My boss thinks you’d be a good fit.”

“Why me? Because you saw me fight one time?”

“Because you worked with the White Fang for years. You worked with Cinder. And I have a feeling you know about Cinder’s master, so I’ll cut the shit. You know how they work, and we could use your information to fight them.”

“I don’t have any information, Adam kept me far from them.”

“But you visited my sister, didn’t you?”

“Your sister?”

He sighs, but shoots her a grin. “Can’t see the family resemblance, huh?” He rolls his eyes and shifts his weight. “Qrow Branwen, at your service.”

“You’re Raven’s brother?”

“In the flesh.”

She purses her lips as Raven’s face flashes before her eyes and lilac eyes blink at her. “What do you want with me?”

“My boss thinks you’d be a good fit for us. He thinks you could be an asset in our mission.” Qrow shakes his head. “I’m gonna be straight with you, kid, I think you should go home and deal with your shit. You’re unstable, and I don’t want you touching my team with a twenty foot pole. But I was told to extend the offer, so here I am.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” She scratches at her palms. “You’re fighting Salem?”

He nods, but his gaze turns shifty at the mention of her name. “And it’s the kind of fight that can always use bodies.”

“I want to talk to your boss.”

Qrow shakes his head. “No can do. You only get to meet him once you’re on the team.”

“Why?”

“Because if you’re in, you’re in. The cause is what matters.”

“Funny, I knew a guy who used to say the same thing.”

He sighs. “I can put you in touch with my niece, Ruby. Neither of us can answer all your questions, but she can tell you all about why we fight better than I can. If you’re seriously considering my offer, talk to her.” He hands her a slip of paper with a number scrawled across it. “If you’re smart, you’ll run the opposite direction.”

“What about that trial made you think I was smart?” she says bitterly. 

He rubs his chin. “You’re a strong kid.”

She winces. “I’m weak.”

“Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. But you looked plenty strong to me.” Qrow turns his back to her and slouches away. “Call Ruby if you have any more questions. My job is done.”

“What if he comes after me?” she asks before she can hold the words back. “What happens when Adam comes after me?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Then we handle it. I imagine a team of Huntsmen and Huntresses are better equipped to handle one bastard than most.”

“You don’t know him,” she says, and he shrugs.

“My boss is willing to risk our entire team against him for you. He’s a smart man. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Blake stares at the paper in her hand. “I will,” she says, but he’s already gone.

She sighs, and she straightens her shoulders. Now is not the time to think about Qrow’s offer. Her parents are through that door. 

Her hands start to shake. 

She pushes open the door.

“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! See you Thursday. <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! Hope you're all well.   
> Trigger Warnings: nightmares

“We need to talk,” Ruby says as she drags Weiss into their shared room. Yang uncrosses her arms and leans back on her bed. 

“Talk about what?” Yang asks evenly. 

Weiss shoots her a look. “You know what.”

Yang sighs. “Do we really want to do this now?”

“Is there a better time?”

“Don’t answer that!” Ruby says, eyes darting between the two of them. Ruby sits on the floor between them and gestures for them to sit beside her. Yang flops to the floor with a groan while Weiss delicately fans out her skirt. “We are having a team meeting, and we are going to talk this out.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Weiss glares daggers at Yang, and she returns them in kind. 

Ruby clears her throat. “We’re worried about you, Yang.”

“We?” she repeats, brows rising. 

Ruby nods, but she doesn’t avert her gaze. “You’ve gone to the prison every day. That’s not-”

“That’s not normal, Yang. We’re worried,” Weiss interrupts. Her eyes narrow.

“Not normal because it’s every day or because she’s White Fang?”

“Both, if I’m honest,” Weiss says. “But disregarding the White Fang bit, we need you. Here.” Her eyes soften, and Weiss curls in on herself, lowering her chin. “This isn’t healthy.”

“It’s not like I’m spending hours there! I just drop by and go about my day.”

“But why, Yang?” Ruby asks. “Why are you doing this?”

Yang sighs, rubbing her face. “I want to be there for her. She’s alone in there, and I owe it to her to be there.”

“You don’t, though. You don’t owe her anything!” Weiss says. 

“She saved my life. The least I can do is be there for her through this trial.”

“She’s a dirty thief, a killer! She deserves to rot.”

Yang’s hands clench into fists, and she takes a deep breath. “I don’t think so,” she says. “And we’ll have our answers when Qrow gets back tonight, won’t we?”

Weiss sticks her nose in the air and sniffs. “Even if she’s found innocent, that doesn’t mean she didn’t do it.” 

Yang shrugs. “You’re right. But I want to hear her version of the past few years.” She looks Weiss in the eyes, and her tone becomes hard. “You didn’t hear her head slam into the wall. You didn’t see the fear in her eyes when he dragged her away. You didn’t feel her shaking. Blake might have done terrible things for the White Fang, but it doesn’t seem like she wanted to.”

“She still did them.”

“And she saved my life.”

“That doesn’t cancel out all the harm she’s done and tried to do!”

“But it’s a start.”

Weiss looks at her and laughs. “You think she’s redeemable? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Anyone is redeemable, Weiss,” Ruby says, voice tender. “We should give her a chance. She did save Yang’s life. And she fought beside me against Mercury and Emerald. If Yang wants to trust her, then we should give her a chance.”

“Do you even hear yourselves?” Weiss asks, folding her arms. “This girl is accused of a bigger laundry list of crimes than Torchwick!”

“Torchwick didn’t fight with us. Torchwick didn’t save my life. Torchwick didn’t care.”

“And you think she does?”

“Why else would she bother to save my life? Why else would she bother helping us?”

“Because- because it’s a scheme!” Weiss sputters.

Yang rolls her eyes. “Like I said. I think she’s on our side.”

“And if you’re wrong?”

“Then I’m wrong, and she’s irredeemable, and you are right.” Yang shrugs. “But we might just have an ally in her. And I want to thank her, at the least.”

“An ally?” Weiss repeats. “What, you want her to join us?”

“I don’t know! I just want to have five minutes where neither of us are in danger of dying or being arrested so I can thank her!” 

Weiss sighs. “What do you want from this? From her? What do you want out of this?”

“I don’t know that either! But I feel like I owe her that much.”

“You want to thank her. And you want answers,” Ruby says.

Yang nods. “Right now, I just know that I want that. And what’s the harm in being in a room with her for ten minutes?”

“I guess. But she’s still- still-”

“White Fang. But Ilia Amitola was White Fang, and she saved the day,” Ruby says gently. “She’s the one that disarmed the bombs, she’s the one that brought the people of Menagerie. She had a change of heart. It’s not impossible.”

“But-”

“I’m back,” Qrow groans, stumbling into the room. He grins sloppily, giving them a thumbs up. “She’s not guilty, and I’m going to bed.”

“Wait!” Yang says, jerking up. “What happened?”

He rubs his eyes, rolling his head around his shoulders. “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Right now, we sleep.” Qrow points at all them. “Bed. Now.”

“It’s eight o’clock.”

“Bed!”

And then he stumbles down the hall, slamming his door shut. 

Yang sighs before turning back to Ruby and Weiss. “She’s not guilty,” she says. “So that means I can see her tomorrow.”

Ruby’s Scroll dings, and she checks it, her brows raising. “Uh, yeah. That’s good, that’s great, Yang. Maybe we should go to bed,” she says hurriedly. 

Yang raises her eyebrows, but Weiss nods. 

“We could use the rest,” Weiss says, looking down at her hands.

“Okay, early bedtime it is, then.”

* * *

She dreams in black and white and red.

Everything is colorless except for what’s red, and her chest starts heaving. The room circles around her, and Yang drops to her knees, clutching her head. He’s there, and he’s going to kill her. He’s there, and she’s going to die. 

“Pathetic,” he sneers, and then she’s screaming. Her arm is gone. “Time to finish the job.”

He moves to swing again, and she’s frozen. Yang can only watch as he lops off her head, and she’s still screaming, she’s dead and she’s still screaming.

The scene shifts, and her mother smiles back at her from the mirror before throttling her and throwing her to the ground. Yang gasps for air, and her hand is shaking.

“This wasn’t personal, Yang,” her mother says, and she’s staring at her. Her mother’s eyes are glowing red flames, and she’s smiling. 

Yang tries to scream, but her voice is gone. 

“This is a kindness, Yang. I promise.” She looms over her, still smiling as she strokes her cheek. “You’re my daughter, after all.”

And then she pushes her off a cliff, and Yang is screaming.

_Scared_

_Weak_

_Pathetic_

The words surround her and cut into her skin, and she’s holding her knees to her chest. 

“You’re just like your mother,” her father spits.

“Why did you let me go?” Ruby asks, eyes wide.

“Traitor!” Weiss screams.

And then she’s young, she’s so young, and she’s alone. 

Everything is quiet, and everything is still.

Taiyang is crying, Ruby is crying, and she’s crying. 

Yang wakes up shaking.

Her hands are curled into fists around the blanket, and she’s sweating. Her sheets feel wet with her sweat, and her hand is shaking. 

Her eyes dart over to Ruby and Weiss, still peacefully sleeping. Yang sits up and gets out of bed, quietly shutting the door behind her.

She pads down to the bathroom, blinking as she flicks on the light. She stares herself down in the mirror. 

Her face and chest are red and splotchy, and her eyes are watery. Her hair looks like a rat’s nest, and her hand is shaking. But she’s her. She’s still Yang, and she’s here. She’s okay. She’s okay. She’s okay.

Yang splashes some water onto her face, wiping the sweat off her brow and waking her up. She checks the clock and groans. It’s five in the morning, and she already knows she can’t go back to bed. 

She slinks off to the porch, grabbing a blanket from the couch and wrapping it around her as she sits. 

In, one.

Out, two.

Her breath is shaky and unstable, but she’s breathing. She breathes as the sun comes up, she breathes as she hears the house awaken behind her, and she breathes as Ruby and Weiss come up and sit beside her, their own blankets wrapped around them.

“Nightmares?” Ruby asks finally.

Yang nods, eyes still closed.

“You can wake us up when you have them, you know,” Weiss says, gently bumping Yang.

“We don’t mind,” Ruby says. 

Yang lets loose a breath. “I’m fine.”

“Okay. But we’re here for when you’re not.” Weiss grabs her hand and squeezes gently. “You don’t have to do this alone, Yang.”

“I know. But really, I’m okay.” She yawns. “Just tired.”

“I guess it’s a good thing Qrow made us go to bed so early then, huh?” Weiss says.

“And on the brightside, you’ll sleep well tonight if you’re tired!” Ruby says brightly.

“Yeah, I should,” she replies, biting her tongue. She’s scared to sleep when she’s tired, scared that she won’t wake up from the nightmares. Sometimes being sleepy means she sleeps like the dead, other times it just means she can’t wrench herself from sleep when the nightmares become too much. It’s a toss up, and Yang hates gambling.

Ruby snuggles into her side before standing up. “I have to go, but Weiss is making breakfast.”

“Where you going?” she asks, stretching.

“Into town. I need to pick up some stuff.”

She knows Ruby is lying, but she’s too tired to care. “Okay. Have fun.”

“I will!”

Weiss lays her head on Yang’s shoulder. “I’m making pancakes, but it’s my first time, so go easy on me,” Weiss says. 

“I will. I promise.”

Weiss pauses. “Yang?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, what with this whole White Fang situation. I just- I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s all.”

Yang squeezes her hand back. “I know. But I need to do this.”

Weiss sighs. “Then I’ll support you. We’ll all go find Blake after breakfast, and you two can talk. But one hair out of line, and Myrtenaster is at her throat.”

Yang laughs, although she doesn’t doubt that Weiss means it. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

Weiss sniffs. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! See you all Thursday!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody. I hope you're staying safe and sane with everything going on. <3  
> Trigger warning: self hatred

“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.”

Blake starts to shake as she looks at her parents, hands twitching at her sides. 

Her mom puts her hand over her mouth, and she tentatively reaches out before wrapping Blake up in a hug, her chest shuddering against Blake’s. “You’re here,” Kali breathes, and Blake can feel her tears falling onto her shoulder. “You’re here.”

Blake closes her eyes and leans into her mom’s touch. “I’m here,” she rasps, wrapping her arms around Kali.

Big, strong arms envelop the both of them, and then they’re on the floor and all holding each other, and Blake is crying. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she sobs, shaking in her parent’s grasp. “I should have left when you did, I’m so sorry-”

“You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart,” Ghira says, smoothing her hair down. “Absolutely nothing.”

“But I’ve done so much, I can’t-”

“Blake, honey,” Kali says, pulling away so Blake can see her face, “you have nothing to apologize for. Not now. Not ever. Not to us.” She smiles, and Blake collapses back into her arms.

“I’ve missed you both so much,” she says, heart shaking in her chest. 

“We’ve missed you too, sweetheart,” Ghira says. “We’re just glad we’re together again.”

She sniffs, wiping at her eyes. “How did you know to come?” she asks. “Were you- Did Ilia-”

“We came with Ilia and the rest of Menagerie. She wants to see you, but she’s busy with the other court cases.” Kali strokes Blake’s cheek. “They hadn’t let us see you, but we were here. Every day, we were here.”

“You came for me?”

“Of course.” She tentatively starts rubbing Blake’s back, hand faltering as she feels the scar tissue through her shirt. “We’d always come for you.”

Blake just cries harder. “I don’t deserve this, I-”

“You do, sweetheart. You do.”

After she finally stops crying, Blake weakly stands up. “I need to get my stuff,” she sniffs, wiping at her face. “Where are you staying?”

“At a hotel, in town. We can take you there right after, but we weren’t sure if you wanted to grab food first.”

Her stomach churns, and she shakes her head.

“Are you sure, honey? You look like you’re wasting away.”

Blake rolls her eyes, tears still wet on her cheeks. She knows what she looks like, but the idea of food makes her ill. “I just want to sleep,” she croaks, and her parents nod.

“Of course. Let’s get you home.”

* * *

Blake stares at the slip of paper Qrow gave her. She’s hiding in the bathroom of their hotel room, and her Scroll is in her opposite hand. Her eyes dart back and forth between the paper and her Scroll, the number already typed in. 

_Hey, it’s Blake Belladonna. Your Uncle Qrow said I should talk to you._

She frowns, finger hesitating over the SEND button. 

“Blake, honey, you okay in there?”

“Fine, Mom, just about to take a shower!” she calls back, biting her lip. 

“Okay!”

Before she can think better of it, she hits SEND. She starts biting at the loose skin on her hands, picking at the strands of flesh from her earlier scratching. 

Just as she’s about to give up and actually get in the shower, her Scroll buzzes.

_He said you wanted to talk to me about our mission. Would tomorrow morning work?_

She throws a look at the door. She would have to get away from her parents somehow, as if they were going to let her out of their sight anytime soon. 

Blake straightens up. She was just going to ask some questions, that was it. That’s all it was. Question and answer. They couldn’t have a problem with that, right?

_Tomorrow morning is perfect. Where would you like to meet?_

Blake sets her Scroll on the countertop and strips out of her clothes, the shower already running. She sighs as the water hits her skin, but she winces as it hits her raw palms. She ignores the pain, instead opting to grab the soap and wash the grime from her skin. She hasn’t felt clean in so long.

She scrubs, and scrubs, and scrubs, and scrubs, until all of her flesh is pink and raw and weeping. There’s gray dead skin under her nails, and all of her aches. Her breathing is ragged, and tears spring to her eyes. Her chest heaves, but she can’t stop scratching at herself. Her skin is going to be a bleeding mess by the time she finishes.

The soap burns her open wounds. She runs the bar over her body, and she can’t stop herself from wincing as she does. 

The bar crosses her hip, and she hisses. It doesn’t hurt, not really, but the scab is practically gone, and that burns. Blake lets the soap drop, instead prodding at her side with her fingers. It stings. She keeps poking at it, sucking in a sharp breath as fresh tears spring to her eyes. 

Her body isn’t her body anymore. It’s unfamiliar territory. Her ribs are poking out, her hip is marked, her back is scarred, and it’s not her. Not anymore.

She takes a deep breath and reaches for the shampoo and condition, careful to clean her ears as she washes her hair. She can pick up on her parents murmuring in the room over, but she ignores them. Blake doesn’t want to hear it.

She lets the water run cold before she steps out, her flesh prickled from the chill. Her mom had bought her pajamas and picked up her old clothes from the station, so she gets into the new pajamas. They’re soft and silky against her skin. She hates it. It’s too gentle for what she deserves, but she hurts, and she can’t help but sigh at the way the fabric cools her skin.

Blake brushes out her hair without looking in the mirror. She doesn’t want to see her face.

She checks her Scroll. Ruby sent her a location and time to meet.

Blake opens the bathroom door, feet padding on the carpet to the bed.

“How was your shower, sweetheart?” Kali asks, voice high.

“It was nice.” She coughs as she sits on the bed. “I’m going to grab breakfast tomorrow. With a friend.”

Kali and Ghira exchange a look, and she knows she’s about to be tag-teamed. 

“Honey, wouldn’t it be best if you rest for a few days?” Ghira says.

“You did just come from an exhausting experience, and the boat back to Menagerie doesn’t leave for another two weeks. You have plenty of time to see your friend.” Kali’s brow crinkles, and she looks tired. 

Guilt pangs in her chest. “I just- I have a few questions for her. About what happened. And she can help.” It wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the whole truth.

Another look between her parents, and they sigh in unison. 

“If you’re sure. But we need to talk,” Ghira says, and Blake nods.

“But tomorrow,” Kali adds hastily. “After your breakfast. You need your rest.”

She smiles, and it almost feels real. “Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.”

Blake gently kisses them good night, and she crawls into bed. By the time her head hits the pillow, she’s out.

* * *

Blake shifts in her seat, eyes darting around for a short girl with dark red hair. Her fingers tap against the table, and her water trembles in its glass. 

“Blake?” She looks up, a nervous smile on her face.

“Ruby?” she guesses, standing up to shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Well, properly.”

Her hand is calloused but soft, and she has a smile on her face. “Yeah, you really had my back that night. I appreciate it.” Ruby sits across from her, smoothing her skirts as she sits. “How are you feeling?” she asks, taking a sip of her water.

Blake shrugs. “Tired. How about you? Is your team okay?”

“Yeah, we’re all fine.” Ruby’s smile flickers. “Weiss healed well, and Yang seems okay.”

“Uh, who’s who?” Blake asks with a nervous laugh.

“Weiss is the Schnee heiress, well, former Schnee heiress. She’s the girl with the white hair?” 

Blake’s throat goes dry, but she nods, taking a drink. “And Yang?”

Ruby smiles, and it seems brighter. “Yang is my sister. She’s the blonde girl.”

All air leaves her lungs. “Yang?” 

She finally has a name. The lilac eyed girl has a name, and her name is Yang.

“Yeah. I take it you two didn’t get to introduce yourselves?” Ruby says lightly.

She shakes her head, hands curling around her glass. “I only got to give her my name before- Well, you know.” She clears her throat. Her hands curl tighter. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. She’s been really worried about you.” Ruby brushes her hair behind her ears. “She doesn’t know I’m here, actually.”

Blake’s ears sag. “She’s been worried about me?” She wants to laugh or cry. 

Ruby nods. “But I think she might try to visit you later. If that’s what you want, I mean, I can always try to-”

“No, no, please! I want to see her.” She takes a breath. “I need to apologize.”

“I don’t think you have anything to apologize for, at least, not to her,” Ruby says kindly, but Blake shakes her head.

“It’s hard to explain,” she says, and Ruby just nods.

“That’s okay. But Qrow said you were considering joining us?”

“He offered me a spot on your team.” She drinks her water. “Against Salem.”

Ruby nods. “We currently have to transport something to Atlas in order to get it to safety, but with the train station down, we’re stuck here for another two weeks. But we could always use another strong fighter on our side.”

“And after that?”

Ruby shifts. “I’m not too sure. But we’re sticking together, and we’re going to try our hardest to defeat her.” Ruby looks her in the eyes. “Did they ever mention their plans to you?”

Blake shakes her head. “I went to one or two meetings with Cinder, but Adam kept me away from them.” She stares at her water. “They want to take over Remnant. And they want to hurt people.” 

“Yeah. They do.”

Blake averts her gaze. “Do you think you’re doing good?”

Ruby nods. “I think that if we didn’t fight, the world would be a lot worse.”

“Is it worth the cost?”

Ruby deflates slightly, and she stares at her hands. “We’ve lost good people in this fight, and one life lost is one too many.” Blake nods, holding her tongue. “But we’re here to save the world, not destroy it.”

“Do you hurt people?”

Ruby shakes her head, eyes wide. “We fight people, but we don’t hurt people. We want to fight Salem, and people are going to get hurt, but we want to save as many people as possible. We’re Huntresses, it’s what we do.” Her chest sticks out in pride. 

Blake takes another sip of her water. “And you’d be okay with working with me?” she asks quietly.

Ruby stills for a moment, and then her shoulders sag. “I don’t know, if I’m honest. But I trust Yang, and she trusts you.” 

She deflates, and she looks at her lap. “I don’t deserve that trust.”

“But you can earn it,” Ruby says. “I don’t really know what you’ve gone through, Blake, but it hasn’t exactly sounded like a fun time. But you saved my sister, and you fought with us against Cinder. And that seems like a good place to start.”

Blake’s eyes heat up. “I don’t think your uncle wants me to join you.”

Ruby shrugs. “He didn’t want us involved at first, either.”

“But he has legitimate reasons with me, and-”

“Uncle Qrow is cautious,” Ruby interrupts, “and as legitimate as those reasons are, he also invited you. And in the end, it’s your choice, Blake.” Ruby smiles, and her eyes crinkle. “You don’t have to do anything.”

“Can I get you two anything to drink?” their waitress asks, cocking her hip.

Ruby nods, her smile widening. “A coffee with extra cream and extra sugar, please!”

“And for you?” she asks, twisting towards Blake.

“A tea, please. With honey, if you have.” She coughs, and their waitress disappears. “I need to think on it for a bit.”

Ruby nods. “We don’t leave until the station is back up, so you have time. But I think we’d want to introduce you to the team before we leave. Get some training in, if we can.”

“Okay. Okay.” Blake rubs her face. “I’m going to think about it.” She forces a smile. “Thank you.”

Ruby smiles back. “No worries.” She picks up the menu, eyes scanning the page. “What do you think you’re gonna get?”

Blake blinks. “I’m not sure. Maybe pancakes?” Her stomach grumbles. “Or toast. Toast and eggs.” She wasn’t sure if she could stomach food, but she had to try. It would look weird if she didn’t eat.

“I’m thinking chocolate chip pancakes. Maybe with ice cream?” Ruby shakes her head. “Nah, too sweet for this early in the morning. Just chocolate chip, then.” She beams at Blake. “They’re my favorite.”

“Mine, too,” she says. 

“You should get them, then! Toast and eggs is boring. Uh, no offense.”

Blake chuckles. “I’m just not feeling that great, I don’t think I could handle that much chocolate right now.”

“That makes sense.” Ruby smiles as their waitress brings their drinks, and they place their order. Blake places her hands around her tea, and Ruby mirrors her after proceeding to dump even more sugar and cream into her already milky coffee. Blake’s eyebrows raise, and Ruby blushes. “I like it sweet.”

“I can tell.” She squeezes the honey into her tea and stirs. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“Heh, you should tell that to Weiss. Everytime she makes us coffee, she practically winces when she has to pour in my sugar.”

“Pour?” Blake repeats. 

“Yeah. I really, really like it sweet.” Ruby clears her throat. “So, what’s your weapon’s name?”

Blake laughs. It’s stilted and unfamiliar, but it’s a laugh. “Gambol Shroud, what about you?”

Ruby’s eyes widen, and she grins. “Ooh, that’s a good one! Mine’s Crescent Rose.”

“She’s quite, uh, beautiful?” Blake tries, but Ruby lights up.

“Yeah, she is! I made her myself, and I just adore her.” Ruby pats her weapon in its sheath at her back. “She’s a good one.” 

“She seems like it,” Blake agrees. 

Ruby taps her fingers against her coffee mug, and Blake watches as the creamy liquid ripples. “Can I ask what happened that night?” she asks slowly, tilting her head. 

Blake nods, resting her hands on her mug. “What do you want to know?” 

“Why did you fight with us? Well, with me?”

Blake’s leg starts to shake, and she takes a drink of her tea. “I was trying to run again,” she says slowly. “I don’t know how much you know about me, but I’ve tried running from the White Fang a few times.” Her throat bobs. “That night, I started to run as Ilia and the people of Menagerie started fighting the White Fang. Adam- Adam Taurus found me as I ran.”

Ruby nods.

“He tried to take me with him. Ilia stopped him, but not before he stabbed me.” Her hand drifts to her hip. Ruby winces. “He got away. And Ilia had to leave, and then I saw Emerald and Mercury.” Her breath catches. “And I just didn’t want anyone else to get hurt.” She stares at her hands. “I didn’t want to help them hurt people anymore, or to let them keep hurting people.”

“Is that why you helped Yang?” Ruby asks.

Before she answer, their waitress puts their food down in front of them. “Dig in!” she says with a smile, turning away. Ruby smiles at her, and she inclines her head.

“Let’s eat!” she says with a grin. Blake watches as she drowns her pancakes in syrup, the viscous liquid pooling on her plate. 

Blake stares at her eggs and toast, her stomach churning. She butters her toast. Blake brings it to her mouth and forces herself to take a bite. She chews and grits her teeth, bile rising in her stomach as she forces herself to swallow and take another bite, this time with eggs. They’re soft in her mouth, easy to swallow. 

“Do you want jam or anything?” Ruby asks, pushing the jams toward her. Blake shakes her head.

“I’m still not feeling so hot, so I think I’ll just stick to plain toast this time,” she explains. Ruby nods. 

“That’s understandable. I don’t think I could ever eat plain toast without jam, though,” Ruby says. “Sweet tooth, remember?”

Blake nods and takes another bite. “How could I forget?” she jokes. “How are your pancakes?”

“Delicious! Perfect ratio of chips to dough, which is very important.” Ruby takes another bite and moans. “Sometimes there’s too many or too few chocolate chips, and that just ruins it. I take chocolate chips very seriously.”

“I can tell.” She smiles, and it feels real enough. She picks at her eggs with her fork. “It’s a serious issue, you know. So many get the ratio wrong.” Ruby perks up and smiles.

“Exactly! It’s a disgrace.” Ruby shakes her head. “Do you know how many cookies have been ruined because of the improper balance of chocolate chips?”

“So many?” she guesses, and Ruby slams her hands down on the table.

“So many!”

They laugh, and Blake’s ears perk up. She straightens her shoulders, and they fall into easy, light conversation. She finds herself smiling more than she anticipated. Ruby is easy to talk to, and she’s easy to smile with. It’s easy, and she lets herself revel in it. 

She doesn’t have to decide if she wants to join their mission now. Right now, she’s maybe made a friend. And it feels good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! See you Thursday. <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! What's popping? No trigger warnings for this chapter. :D

Yang shakes out her hands, her arm creaking as she does. She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door, Ruby and Weiss at her side. Weiss is tapping her foot, and Ruby is shifting her weight between her two feet. Yang rocks back and forth from her heels to her toes. She can hear the door unlock, and her heart rises in her throat.

_This is it_. 

Blake opens the door, and her face pales. “Hi,” she says, voice wobbling.

Yang clears her throat as her arm wants to shake. “Can we come in?” she says softly. “I want to talk to you.”

She watches Blake’s throat bobs, but she nods. Her eyes dart between the three of them. “Come on in,” Blake says, opening the door wider. “My parents are out in the city right now. We don’t have much time.”

She leads them inside and brings them to a couch. She sits on one side, and Yang, Weiss, and Ruby sit on the other. Yang shifts, her leg shaking. 

“Can I get you anything to drink?” Blake asks.

“I think we’re okay,” Yang says. “I just- We wanted to talk to you.”

Blake nods, closing her eyes. “I am so, so sorry, Yang.”

Yang’s brow creases. “Why are you sorry? I came here to thank you.”

Blake stiffens. “But it’s my fault, and-”

“You saved my life. I owe you my life, Blake. And I want to- _need_ to thank you.” She stares Blake down. She looks pale. “Thank you for saving me. Thank you for putting yourself in harm’s way to protect my life. Thank you.” The words fall out of her mouth from a place deep within her chest, but they’re not right. They don’t tell Blake how grateful she is, how indebted she is to her. 

Blake looks like she’s about to throw up. “I could have stopped him,” she whispers.

She shakes her head. “It was not your job to stop him. It wasn’t even your job to save me. You’re not responsible for what he did.”

Weiss makes a noise next to her, and she elbows her. 

Blake’s face contorts, and her shoulders start shaking. “I could have stopped him,” she repeats.

Yang’s metal arm twitches. “You chose not to kill me. You chose to save me. That matters.”

“But-”

“No buts.” Her voice is calm and steady, but insistent. “I’ve thought about this a lot.”

“So have I. I could have done more, I could have-”

“You saved my life. You could have been killed, and you saved my life.” Yang is smiling into her eyes, her beautiful gold eyes, when Blake looks away. 

“He wouldn’t have killed me,” she says softly. 

“But he would have killed _me_.” Blake nods. Her eyes look red and teary. “I owe you my life, Blake. And I want to thank you,” Yang says.

“Thank me by living well,” she rasps. 

“But-”

“No buts, remember?” A twitch of a smile ghosts across her face, and Yang would smile if she wasn’t so annoyed. “That’s all I want. Live your life to the fullest, Yang. Live your life however makes you happy.”

“ _However_ , that is not enough thanks.” 

“It is. Really. I- you’ve done more for me than you know.”

Yang’s brow crinkles. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks, and Blake pales even further. Her eyes dart between the three of them like a caged animal, and her ears are twitching at the slightest noise. Blake looks into her eyes and sighs. 

“You’re the reason I decided to run again. You’re the reason I tried to stop him. You’re the reason I survived. The thought of him killing you…” Blake’s hands clench, and Yang’s heart stops. “It crushed me. And I decided that I was going to leave or die trying. For you.” She looks up at Yang, and Yang can see the tears threatening to spill over her eyes. “You have done more than enough.”

“But you saved me, and you suffered for it.” Blake winces, and Yang wants to take back her words but can’t, so she presses on. “He hurt you, and you knew you would be going back to him if you saved me, you knew you would be punished for it. I can’t- I can’t repay that.” Her hands clench. “You sentenced yourself to torture because of me.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Blake says. “He just- He just-” She breaks off, and she takes a deep breath. “I saved your life because I couldn’t kill you. I didn’t care about punishment, I didn’t care about my life, I cared about your life. You have the opportunity to do the good I couldn’t. My life… My life isn’t worth yours, Yang.”

“You got that right,” Weiss mutters, and this time Ruby elbows her before Yang has the chance. 

Yang watches as the words hit Blake, and even she winces from their impact. “Lives are lives, and they’re all worth something,” Yang insists. “And I owe you mine.”

“You owe me nothing. I promise. I just want you to live well, and do good. Put good back into the world, Yang.” 

“But you can do good, Blake,” Ruby interrupts, and all heads swivel to her. Yang’s brows raise, and her eyes dart between the two. “You can put good back into the world yourself. If-” Ruby’s eyes flash between Weiss and Yang. “If you join us.”

“What?” Weiss exclaims, and Blake pales even further. “You’re kidding me.”

“I’m still thinking about it, Ruby,” Blake says, arms curling in on herself. 

“How do you two know each other?” Yang asks. 

Ruby’s smile flickers. “Uh, well, Qrow invited Blake to join us on our mission. And we met up this morning to go over some questions she had.”

“That’s where you went this morning?” Weiss asks, crossing her arms.

“I haven’t decided yet, I’m still thinking it over,” Blake rushes to add.

“Good! Think it over, and stay far away from my team,” White spits, and Yang’s eyes flash red.

“Weiss, not now,” she growls, and Weiss turns to face her.

“I was fine with this until now-”

“That’s a lie!”

“-but she is _not_ joining our team, she’s White Fang!”

“Former White Fang! Who, as we just went over for the billionth time, saved my life!”

“She worked with Cinder! She helped set those bombs! She has spent years aiding the White Fang, and now we’re just going to forgive that?”

“I tried to leave,” Blake says quietly, and all heads turn to her once more. “I tried to leave seven times. I wasn’t an advocate of their violence. And that doesn’t excuse what I’ve done, but-”

“You’re right, it doesn’t excuse what you’ve done,” Weiss interrupts with a glare. “And you’ve done plenty, haven’t you?”

“Weiss-”

“No, she’s right. I have.” Blake is shaking like a leaf, and Yang wants to go to her, but she can’t. “I have done horrible things. And it doesn’t matter how ashamed I am, it doesn’t matter how I feel.” She looks Yang in the eyes. “I am not worth it. And I won’t be joining your team if you don’t want me to.”

“We don’t,” Weiss hisses, crossing her arms. 

“Weiss-”

“Am I the only sane one around here? We do not want her! I do not want her!” She stands up and brushes herself off. “I’m going home.” 

“Weiss, wait-”

“No, Ruby! I’m done with this, I’m done!” She turns to Blake with a sneer. “I’d say it was nice to meet you, but it wasn’t.”

“Likewise,” Blake says, but her voice is shaky. 

Weiss storms off in a huff, and she’s out the door before either of them can stop her.

“I’m gonna go after her,” Ruby says with a sigh, rising. “Blake, please think about it. I think you could really do some good.” 

Blake nods, but her eyes are distant. Ruby is gone before Yang can move, and then it’s just the two of them.

“You should go after your team,” Blake says quietly. Yang swallows thickly. 

“No.” Blake’s chin jerks up, and Yang stares her down. “You are worth it. You can do good, Blake. You’ve already done it. And it would be an honor to have you on our team.”

“You don’t mean that,” Blake says, but Yang shakes her head.

“I do. I would be honored to work alongside you in this fight. If you want to. You don’t have to, at all, but if you want to, don’t let what Weiss said get to you. Her family has a long history with the White Fang, and it’s not easy for her. But that’s not an excuse for her behavior, you didn’t deserve that.”

“But I do. I’ve done horrible things, I’ve let horrible things happen-”

“You tried to stop them from happening. You tried, and you tried to run, and maybe you didn’t succeed, but you tried. And that counts. That counts, Blake.”

“But it wasn’t enough! People died, and it’s my fault. He killed them, and it’s my fault-”

“Did you kill anyone?” 

“What?”

“I said, did you kill anyone?” Yang stares into her eyes, and Blake flinches at her gaze but she doesn’t look away. She watches as Blake’s throat bobs.

“No. Never. He tried to make me, but I never could.” She looks away. “He said I was weak.”

“That doesn’t make you weak, Blake. That makes you strong.” Yang reaches for her hand, but Blake leans away. “And you never killed anyone. That is remarkable, and that just proves how good of a person you are, and how much good you can do.”

“But I didn’t stop him!”

“You did everything you could, didn’t you?” 

“I tried, but I failed. I failed, and it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough.”

“One person is not responsible for another’s actions.” Her voice is strong, and Blake winces. “You’re not responsible for what the White Fang did. You’re not.” She softens her tone. “And if you really think you are, then you should join us. Do some good.”

“You think I should join you?”

Yang shrugs. “I think it’s your choice.” 

“You would want me there?”

“Of course. You’ve already saved my life, and you had Ruby’s back in a fight. I can trust you.” Yang smiles at her, and she reaches for Blake’s hand across the couch. Blake freezes, but Yang gently squeezes her hand. “I can trust you.”

“But-”

“No buts, remember?” She squeezes again. “I’ll let you think on it. But if you have any more questions, here’s my number.” She types her number into Blake’s Scroll. “You are strong, and I don’t doubt that you’re a good person. Whatever you do, if you decide to join us or not, you can do good.”

Yang smiles, and Blake smiles back. Her smile is small, but it makes her feel all warm inside. 

“Thank you, Yang.” She brushes her hair behind her ears. “You should follow your team, though. I’ll be okay here. I need to think on everything.”

Yang nods. “But seriously, call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Thank you.”

And then Yang leaves her. Her team needs her. 

She can’t stop feeling like she should stay and keep talking, feeling like she should stay and help her. She owes her so much, and Blake won’t even acknowledge it.

Yang heads down the stairs, where her team is waiting. Weiss is standing with her arms crossed and tapping her foot, and Ruby is rocking back and forth on her heels. 

“Hey, guys,” she says. “Thanks for waiting.”

“Yeah, of course!” Ruby chirps. 

“We’re having another team meeting when we get back to the house,” Weiss says, eyes narrowed. 

“I figured as much,” Yang sighs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! See you next Thursday! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back, (back back), back again... I'm sorry. Ahem.   
> Trigger Warnings: mild self harm (scratching), nightmares including blood and mild gore

Blake is shaking when Yang leaves. Her right leg won’t stop bouncing, and her chest feels weak, as though too strong of a breath would make her collapse. She leans back on the couch and brings her knees to her chest as she leans into the cushions, letting them cradle her. She leans her head back and looks up at the ceiling. It’s a plain ceiling, white and speckled, but it’s good to stare at. The light is flooding in from the window and casting shadows onto the ceiling, and she watches as they flicker and dance with the light. 

Blake is still shaking when her parents get back. 

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Kali asks, dropping her bags on the floor and rushing to her side.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” She’s lying through her chattering teeth. Her mother comes to her and holds her in her arms, brushing her hair from her forehead.

“What happened, sweetie?”

“Yang came by.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you wanted to see her, I gave her our hotel address so you could. I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

“No, no, it was good to see her. It was good, and breakfast this morning was good,” she hurries to say. It was good to see Yang. It was. Her leg is shaking. “I got a proposition, Mom.”

“A proposition?” she repeats, brow furrowed as she brushes Blake’s hair back.

She nods. “They want me to join them. Yang’s team. They want me to join them in the fight against the White Fang and the people supporting them.”

Her parents exchange a glance, and Ghira comes to sit on her other side. “Honey, you just got out of a battle, why do you want to enter another one?”

“I don’t know if I do! But they offered, and it’s my choice. It’s my choice, and I want to think about it, consider it, at the least.” 

“We just got you back, Blake. We haven’t seen you in years, and you’re about to jet off again?” Her mother’s voice is crumbling, and Blake winces. 

“I don’t know! But I want to consider it.” She looks at her hands. “I hurt so many people. I feel like I owe it to, to, to society to pay my dues.” She closes her eyes, and her hands drift to her side. “I hurt people, and I can maybe make up for that now. Shouldn’t I at least try?”

“You don’t owe anyone anything, Blake,” Ghira says, wrapping his arm around her. “You suffered under the White Fang, and you did what you could.”

“But it wasn’t enough.”

“Honey-”

“No, people died because I couldn’t stop them, because I couldn’t stop Adam.”

“It wasn’t your responsibility to-”

“Then whose was it? Who else could have?” Her hands start scratching themselves. “I was the only one who could have stopped the White Fang, and I didn’t. I failed, and people got hurt, people died because of me. And now I have the opportunity to save people. Don’t I have to take it?”

“You don’t have to do anything, sweetheart,” Kali says, brushing her hair behind her ears. “You’re free to do whatever you want now. And you need rest before you do anything else.”

“But they’re still out there, hurting people. He’s still out there. How can I rest when people are getting hurt?”

Kali sighs. “How can you fight them if you’re not okay?”

“I-”

“Blake, honey. You need rest. And if you still want to join this team after you’ve rested, that’s great. But you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself. You need to recover from everything.” Ghira’s voice is soft but strong. “You can’t help everyone before you help yourself.”

“What if the only way I can help myself is by helping others?” She closes her eyes, and tears start dripping down her cheeks. “The guilt is eating me alive. I can’t live like this, knowing that people are out there fighting. I can’t. I won’t.”

“Like father, like daughter,” Kali says lightly, but she sounds tired. “If you really feel you need to do this, sweetie, then you should. But you need to take care of yourself first. That should be your priority right now, healing. You’ve just gone through so much, Blake. You need to cope with that.”

“I don’t know how!” The words tear out of her and rip her open. She curls in on herself. “I don’t know how to deal with everything, and I’m overwhelmed, and the only thing I know how to do is fight, so I might as well help people. It’s the only thing I can do.” 

“Honey, that’s not true-”

“But it is! I can take a hit, and I can fight. That’s it. That’s all I can do.” 

Her mother whimpers. Blake takes a deep breath. She’s still shaking. She’s trying to hold herself closed so her parents can’t see the gaping wounds he left on her. 

“Look. I don’t know if I want to join them or not. I don’t. But I want to think about it. And I hope you’ll support me in whatever I decide.”

“Of course we will,” Ghira says, hugging her tight. “You’re our daughter, Blake. Whatever you think is best for you right now.”

They hold her tight, and, for a moment, it almost feels like her wounds are pressed together and no longer ripping her apart. Tears are hot and pouring down her cheeks, and her breath is uncertain. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Blake.” Kali brushes her hair with her hands, and Blake leans into her touch, letting her head fall onto her mother’s shoulder.

She doesn’t bother arguing. She’s too tired to fight right now.

* * *

Her parents let her go to her room, and she flops onto the bed without bothering to take her shoes off. Normally, she hates laying on furniture with her shoes on, it feels disrespectful, but she’s so tired. She doesn’t crawl beneath the covers, though, instead curling into a ball on the duvet.

She stares at her hands, still raw and pink. The skin is fresh and aching. She clenches her hands into fists and releases, and does it over and over again. It’s the only movement she can handle right now, and it keeps the blood flowing to her stinging fingers. They’re not bleeding anymore, though, and that counts for something.

The wall here is more exciting than the wall in her cell. It’s wallpapered in a delicate floral pattern, and her eyes trace the swirls and whorls carelessly. It is so easy, too easy, to lose herself in the maze of the pattern, but she doesn’t bother fighting it. Her breath evens out as she gazes. Her blinking feels slow and lazy, and she takes her time with it. 

The slow closing and opening of her eyelids eventually matches her breathing. In, open. Out, close. In and out, over and over, until she’s tied to a rhythm that could lull her to sleep if she let it. She does, and she drifts in and out of dreams.

He’s in all of them.

At first, he’s smiling at her, mask off and blue eyed and unscarred. _My love_ he whispers to her, and he grabs her and spins her around. Then his hands are at her throat and she’s gasping on air. His eyes turn red, and he’s killing her. He’s going to kill her. She’s going to die, and he’s going to kill her. 

He throws her to the ground just as she starts to get black fuzzy dots in her vision. _Pathetic_ he snarls. _Weak_. She curls into a ball on the ground as he goes to kick her, and she spitting up blood. She’s bleeding from the inside out, and he’s pulling the life out of her and sipping it like fine wine. Her vision is red, and he’s grinning.

The dream shifts. 

She’s laying on a white bed in a white shift. Everything around her is misty, and she can’t move. Her limbs are asleep, and she’s stuck. Her heart doesn’t have time to begin racing when he appears, also in white. The red of his hair stands out against the paleness of everything, and he crawls on top of her, smiling. There’s a knife in his hands, and he starts to carve into her flesh.

Blake doesn’t feel the pain. She watches as the blood falls onto the soft and silky sheets and turns to rose petals as they fall. But she can still smell the metallic scent of blood mixing with the roses, and it turns her stomach. The blade leaves no marks on her skin, but her blood is pooling and running in rivers down her arms. He licks at her wrists, blue and red eyes looking up at her innocently. He’s consuming her.

_Is this how you think of me?_ she wonders as she looks at him. _Lying on a bed of white, wanting, wishing, waiting for you to devour me?_ He shrugs, his bloody lips curling up in a smile. 

_You’re mine_.

The dream shifts.

She’s in a field, and there’s lilac flowers everywhere. They’re vibrant against the green grass, and the purple releases a knot of tension in her chest. The smell invades her lungs, and she feels the flowers blooming in her chest. The wind blows through her hair and ears. She’s laughing, and her dress spins around her. 

He catches her by the waist from the back and nuzzles his head against her neck. _Caught you_. His breath is warm on her neck, and her body doesn’t shake when he touches her. She leans into his touch, and his hands are warm and gentle. 

She’s aware of the weight of a ring on her finger, but she doesn’t have to look to know it’s there. Blake feels trapped within her own body as she screams internally, but she feels herself smile. 

_My love, why did you run?_ he murmurs against her neck. _You hurt me when you run_. 

_I’m sorry_ she hears herself say, but her voice is teasing. 

He tackles her to the ground and kisses her neck. He licks right behind her ear. _I love you_.

_I know_. 

The dream shifts.

He’s carving into her flesh again. His name, his sigil, over and over. She’s screaming, and he is calm and patient as he separates her skin. He removes her skin, muscle, and sinew until all that’s left is her bone, and he starts carving directly into that. Her bones are no longer her own, her body is no longer her own.

It never was though, was it? From the beginning, he molded her, shaped her, created her to fit his whim. She was his from the start. Her body, her mind, her soul. He carved his mark onto every piece of her, and running away from him doesn’t change that. He’s still a part of her, still in her blood. She can’t cut him out.

Blake wakes up crying, tears wet on her cheeks and dampening the pillow. There’s red marks on her arms from her scratching at herself in her sleep, bright and angry. She stares down at her body in horror. Every inch of exposed skin is as inflamed as her broken nails could make it, and it burns. When she takes a shower, it’ll ache.

She sits up and rubs the sleep from her eyes as she flops onto her back.

The ceiling in here is as plain and white and speckled as the ceiling in the living room, but there’s only shadows. The curtains cast the room in shadow, but the sun is still illuminating them. The sun is low, though, and it’s probably well into the afternoon. She’d slept most of the day away.

Blake presses her back into the mattress as her knees bend so her feet are flat against the bed. Her back doesn’t ache so much in this position, and she can breathe. She takes a deep breath, letting her stomach rise and fall as she breathes. 

She doesn’t have to think about Ruby’s proposal. Not yet. But it tugs at her thoughts, and she gives in. 

She could go home to Menagerie. She could stay with her family, let them take care of her. She could work with Ilia to reform the White Fang. She could get a law degree and try to fight for Faunus rights within the kingdoms. She could rest, for the first time in years. She could let herself breathe. She could take care of herself, like her parents wanted her to. She could go home.

Her fingers clench around the blankets. Did she deserve that peace? Did she deserve to go home? 

She didn’t believe it. She didn’t believe she deserved that freedom from her past mistakes, her past sins. Not yet. 

Guilt clouded her vision and clogged her veins. It felt as much a piece of her as Adam, as his name carved on her bones. She couldn’t help but let herself drown in it. A part of her knew she was being unreasonable, that it wasn’t all her fault. But so much of it was, and to tease out what was and what wasn’t her fault was impossible. 

She had let the fall of Beacon happen. She had almost let the fall of Haven happen. How many had died under Adam’s orders, and how many could she have saved if she had tried harder, if she had tried at all? 

Blake needed to pay for what she had done, for what she had failed to do. And maybe helping fight against Salem could help her atone. Giving her service to those trying to save the world seemed like a good way to pay her debt.

But it wasn’t fair, was it? Expecting them to accept her into their ranks, expecting them to let her use their mission to try and atone. Expecting them to endanger their lives. How could she work with the people she had once helped to work against? How could they ever accept her?

Yang did. Yang accepted her. So did Ruby. 

Even if she didn’t deserve it. Even when she tried to protest. Yang thought she was redeemable. She believed in her.

She reaches for her Scroll and looks at Yang’s contact. She’s smiling in her contact picture, lilac eyes bright. Blake’s heart pangs at the sight. She looks so happy, and she can’t help but wonder if the picture is from before or after Adam. 

_Hey_. _It’s Blake_. She hits SEND before she can think. 

_Hey! Good to hear from you. How you doing? :D_

Blake can’t help the soft laugh that forms at seeing the emoticon. 

_Okay. How is your team?_

_Ruby is Ruby, and Weiss is Weiss. We’re hanging in. Looks like we’re stuck here for just another week or so, though._

_I’m sorry about that._

_Do you want to grab food tomorrow?_ And then, _You so don’t have to._

Blake’s eyes dart to the door before she responds. _I would love to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! See you next Thursday!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! How are you doing? I hope you're taking care of yourself. For this chapter, no direct trigger warnings, just mentions of the past in vague detail. :D

Yang is running late. Getting ready in a house with seven other people wasn’t exactly easy, and, for once, she had been able to sleep in. She thought it had been bad sharing a bathroom with just Ruby back home, but eight people rushing around a house was pure chaos.

“Sorry I’m late!” she says, running up to Blake, who was already sitting at a table. “You would not believe the morning I’ve had.”

“It’s okay. I only got here a few minutes ago, actually. I, uh, well, I kind of got lost,” she admits, and a delicate pink blush crosses her cheeks. 

Yang takes the seat opposite her. “The first day I was here, I almost left the city, I got so lost. This place is definitely not idiot-proof.” She flicks open the menu. “Anything catching your eye?”

“Eggs and toast.” Yang makes a face. “What?”

“Not that eggs and toast aren’t delicious, but we’re out to eat. You can have that at home. And they have homemade blueberry muffins! How can you pick eggs and toast over a muffin?”

Blake shrugs. “My stomach has been on the fritz lately. Don’t want to overwhelm it.”

“Ah, okay.” Yang looks her up and down. She’s pale, and there are puffy purple bags under her eyes. “Are you sick?”

“Uh, I don’t think so. Just tired.”

Yang nods. “It’s been a crazy few weeks. That makes sense.” She clears her throat and averts her gaze to the menu. “How are you doing? You know, with everything.”

“I’m okay. Tired, really.”

“Are you sleeping okay?”

Blake winces. “Uh, I’ve slept better,” she admits, and Yang nods.

She puts her menu down on the table. Her throat is thick. “I still have nightmares,” she says softly. Blake stiffens. “They’re about him, but also my mom.” She takes a sip of her water. “So I get the not sleeping well.” She pauses, not looking up from the table. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m- I’m good. Thank you,” she says. 

Yang nods. “I’m here if you are. Nightmares are the worst,” she says, lightening her tone. “One time, I had a nightmare about a guy who had this magic mirror, right? And if you looked into it, he stole your face.”

Blake shivers, but there’s some color back in her face. “That’s creepy.”

“Yeah, and I was only like eight when I had it. I had to sleep with Ruby for weeks afterwards.”

“Ruby is your sister?”

She nods. “Yup. She’s my lil sis, if you couldn’t tell which one of us is older.”

“I figured as much, but thanks.” A pause. “You’re really lucky to have each other. I always wanted a sister.”

“Yeah, I got pretty lucky with Ruby. Do you have any siblings, or is it just you?”

“Just me. But there were a lot of kids around, growing up, so it was like I had a bunch of siblings.”

“Oh, that’s cool. We have like, no neighbors, so it was just me and Ruby. Where did you grow up?”

“Menagerie, but we also traveled a lot with the… well, you know.” Blake’s throat bobs. "What about you?”

“Patch. Where Signal is?”

“Oh, yeah. Did you go to Signal?”

“Yeah, my dad’s actually a teacher there. He made sure Ruby and I were combat ready from when we were in diapers.” She cracks a grin, and Blake’s mouth twitches. “What’s Menagerie like?”

“It’s... crowded. There’s a lot of people, and not exactly a lot of space. But we make it work.”

“Sounds like the total opposite of Patch. There’s forests forever. And there’s plenty of Grimm, but it’s home.”

“Do you go home a lot?” Blake asks.

Yang purses her lips, tilting her hand back and forth. “Kind of? Not really? I mean, I just spent the last few months there recovering, but now I’m not sure when I’ll go back.” She bites her lip. “What about you? Do you visit Menagerie a lot?”

Blake shakes her head. “I haven’t been home in several years, actually.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. You must miss it.”

Blake’s eyes glaze over. “I missed my family more,” she admits, hands curled around her water. “Not so much the crowds. But my dad’s the Chieftain, so it’s not like they could ever leave.”

“Your dad’s the Chieftain of Menagerie?” Yang repeats. “That’s so cool.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. And my parents love it there, which is what matters.”

Yang hesitates. “Is that where you would go after this? Back to Menagerie?”

Blake nods. “Probably, for a little while at least. My parents want me to recoup, and it’s a good place to do it.” Her fingers dance against the glass, and Yang notices the raw flesh weeping on her hands. She swallows thickly. “But I’m not sure what I’ll do.”

Yang looks back up into Blake’s eyes and gives her a soft smile. “It’s your choice. No pressure. But if you want to talk it through, maybe I can help? I mean, I had a similar decision to make a little while ago.”

“How did you make it?” Blake asks.

“Pros and cons, really. Lot of thinking.” She pauses. “Actually, my dad asked me what I wanted, and that really helped.”

“What you wanted?”

She nods. “Yeah, like, what did I want out of life, and all that. Super light topic, I know, but it really helped me figure out what to do.” 

“And what do you want?” 

Yang shrugs, but she feels a blush creeping across her face. “I wanted to see Ruby again, and help her. And then after that, I was planning on trying to find you.”

“Hi, can I take your order?”

Yang smiles up at the waitress. “Yeah, can I please have blueberry pancakes with bacon?”

“Right, and for you?”

“Uh, eggs and toast, please.”

Their waitress leaves, and Blake is blinking at Yang. “You were going to try and find me?” she asks. Yang nods. “Why?”

Yang’s smile fades slightly, and she straightens up. “Because you saved my life.” Blake winces, but she keeps going. “Because you got hurt for helping me. I figured it was my turn to save you.” She shrugs. Her heart is racing. “I thought that you deserved better than being slammed into a wall, and I thought I could help you. Somehow.”

Blake’s face is pale except for her cheeks, which are bright red. “You wanted to help me?”

“Yeah. Paying it forward, and all that.”

“Adam would have killed you.” Blake’s hands fly over her mouth, eyes wide. Yang flinches, and her hand starts to shake. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“I was planning on convincing Ruby and Weiss to join me. I figured breaking into a White Fang camp was a little bigger than a one person job.” She lets loose a shaky breath. She makes eye contact with Blake, her beautiful gold eyes wide. “But I was coming for you. Because you deserved it. Deserve it.”

“You didn’t even know me, and you were willing to face him down again?” 

Yang shrugs, her heart racing. “I was safe because of you, and you were in danger because of me. Only seemed fair.” 

“I wasn’t in danger because of you.” Blake’s throat bobs, and she looks down. Her dark hair covers her face, and her ears sag. 

“I’m pretty sure you were,” Yang replies, voice soft. “Or did I imagine the part where he slammed you into a wall twice?” Blake winces again, and she wishes she could shove the words back into her mouth. “Blake, I’m so sorry-”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

Yang blinks. “You saved my life, and you were beaten because of it. It may not be entirely my fault, but you were hurt because you helped me.”

“Adam would’ve beat me anyways.”

She stills. “What?” 

Blake doesn’t look up. “I would’ve messed up, broken some rule, even if I hadn’t saved you. It was inevitable. So don’t blame yourself.”

All the air leaves her lungs. She clenches her fists. Her voice, though, is broken. “He hurt you?”

Blake nods. She still won’t meet her eyes. “Yeah. He hurt me.” A noise that doesn’t sound entirely human comes out of Blake, and Yang leaps out of her seat, ready to comfort her however she can. “He hurt me.” 

She watches as Blake’s throat bobs. “I’m sorry,” Blake sniffs, and Yang’s fists clench tighter. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she grits, but she reaches out and tentatively rubs Blake’s shoulder. She stills, and Yang almost moves to retract her hand when Blake softens. “He’s the one who should be sorry.”

“But it’s not your fault, Yang. He hurt me because I didn’t listen, and that was my choice, and it was my fault. My decision is not your fault.”

“Yeah, well, his decision to hurt you isn’t your fault.” Her hand rubs her back, and she frowns at the feeling of raised skin. “Deciding to hurt someone is entirely the fault of the one doing the hurting.”

“But-”

“It’s not my fault I lost my arm. Right?” Even if she had been too bullheaded, she didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t her fault. 

Blake finally stares up at her. Her eyes are wide and red. “No, how could you-”

“It’s Adam’s, right?”

Blake nods, hesitant.

“Then it’s the same thing. It’s not your fault you were hurt. It was his choice to hurt you. And he chose wrong.” Yang stares into her eyes. “It’s not your fault. None of it was your fault. You saved my life, and I owe you for that. You decided to save my life, and he decided to hurt you for it, and, for that, I am so sorry, Blake. I am sorry he hurt you, because you didn’t deserve it, because no one should be hurt like that. Ever.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Blake insists. 

“But it wasn’t your fault either. It was his- It was Adam’s fault.” She grits her teeth. Her hand is shaking. “He took my arm, and he hurt you. Neither of us deserved what happened.” Her hand is still rubbing her back, and that’s when she realizes why her back feels like gravel. “He beat your back, didn’t he?” she asks quietly.

Blake freezes. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t push,” Yang says, quickly drawing her arm back. Blake, however, reaches back for her hand, and she’s holding it. They’re holding hands, and Yang squeezes. “I’m sorry.”

Blake snorts. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“But I’m sorry because it happened. I’m sorry you went through that.”

“Thank you.” Blake looks up at her, face solemn. “I’m sorry, too.” She wipes her eyes, but they remain trained on Yang. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop him before he could hurt you. I’m sorry he hurt you. I am so, so sorry. For all the harm he caused.”

“You’re not the one who should be apologizing.” Blake’s face flickers. “He owes both of us.”

Blake nods, but her eyes are distant. 

Yang sits back in her chair, but she’s still holding Blake’s hand. 

“I have nightmares about him, too,” Blake says, voice barely above a murmur.

“Here’s your eggs and toast!” the waitress chirps, setting a plate down in front of Blake. “And here are your pancakes!” She smiles at Yang, and Yang grins back. 

“Thank you.”

Yang watches as the waitress goes, and then turns back to Blake. “Do you want to talk about them?” she asks, cutting into her pancakes.

Blake shakes her head. She looks like she’s about to be sick. “No. But you’re not alone.” She smiles tentatively, and Yang is struck with the urge to hurt anything that comes within five feet of her. “If I can do anything to help, let me know.”

Yang stares at her. Her golden eyes are still watery, and she’s offering to help _her_. “Blake, I’m okay. You should focus on yourself,” she says, as gently as she can manage. “I’ll be okay.”

“But you don’t have to do it alone.” Blake butters her toast, avoiding her gaze. “I-I know a lot about him. If you ever want to talk, or if you have questions, I can try to answer them. It’s the least I can do.”

“The least you can do is take care of yourself.”

Blake sighs. “I’m fragile, Yang, but I’m not glass. If you can support me, then I can support you.” She looks up. “I want to support you. Not because I feel like I have to, not because you need my help. I want to.”

Yang’s heart is beating out of her chest, and heat is rising to her cheeks. “Thank you,” she says, stunned. “But I’ll only let you if you let me help you.”

“You already are,” Blake says.

“I mean, like, let me be there for you. When you do want to talk about it. If I’m who you want to talk about it with, I mean, no pressure, seriously, but it can’t be healthy to keep it locked up all the time.” She smiles at her. “It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

Blake nods, and she smiles back. “It is.” She lowers her gaze back to her breakfast. “I haven’t been able to talk to anyone besides him in a very long time.” She delicately bites into her toast as Yang watches. “So I’m a little rusty at the whole talking thing.” Her voice is light, and Yang gets the sense that she wants to change topics.

“I mean, not to brag, but I’m pretty killer at conversations,” she brags, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “I was voted Most Sociable back at Signal.”

“Really?”

Yang shakes her head, snorting. “Nah, we didn’t have that stuff. But if we did, you know I would’ve won.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Blake smiles. “What was it like?”

“What was what like?”

“Signal. Beacon. Training to be a Huntress.” 

Yang stares at her pancakes, watching the syrup sink into the fluffiness. “It was amazing until it wasn’t,” she says finally. “Like, training is awesome, and having a team is great, and fighting Grimm and doing good is all great.” She shrugs. “I’ve never been a big fan of the actual school side of Huntsmen training, but it wasn’t bad. It could’ve been worse.” She drags her fork through the pancakes and spears a piece. “But the best part was the other people. Like, I love my team, and we got really close with this other team, Team JNPR-” Her voice catches.

She feels Blake watching her, and she takes a sip of her water. “We got really close,” she says, treading delicately, “and it was nice. We were the only three person team in our year, so it was weird, we always had odd numbers for training and stuff, but we work well with them.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you guys only a three person team?”

Yang takes a bite of her pancakes before answering. “I didn’t get a partner during initiation. One of the other students dropped out, and I just so happened to be the one left without a partner.” She tries to shrug it off, but it’s not easy. “It happens every few years.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry,” she says, and Yang takes another drink.

“It could’ve been worse. I mean, Ruby is my sister, and Weiss is great. Once you get to know her, I promise,” she rushes. “But yeah. It was just the three of us.”

“I can’t imagine working without a partner,” Blake says.

She shrugs. “It hasn’t been easy,” she admits. “But what else can you do, you know? I have a great team that supports me, and that’s enough.” Except for when she was literally the odd one out during training. Except for when Weiss and Ruby did their own thing, and she was left alone. Except. Except. Except.

“It’s still not fair to you,” Blake says. Her brow is creased. “How old are you, Yang?”

“Eighteen.”

“So you were a first year when Beacon fell.”

Yang nods. 

Blake takes a drink of water, lowering her gaze. “I was going to apply to Beacon, you know. That’s the first time I tried to run from A- the White Fang, and obviously, it didn’t work, but my plan was to be a Huntress. I would’ve been in your year.”

“That’s crazy,” Yang says, unsure of what else to say. She forces a little brightness into her words. “Imagine if we had been friends.”

Blake smiles at that, but her eyes are still focused on her plate. “That would’ve been crazy.”

“We would have had so much fun. We got into so much trouble.” Yang wills Blake to look back up at her, but her head stays down. “I would’ve loved to have you on our team. And still would.”

Blake looks up at that, and Yang resists the urge to smile. “Are you sure?” she asks.

“Positive.”

Blake smiles at her then, and it’s small, but it’s so bright, and Yang can’t help but grin stupidly back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'll see you next Thursday! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, everybody! Hope you're all doing well. This is chapter is pretty long, so I hope you enjoy it! <3  
> Trigger Warnings: vomiting

Blake is laying in bed. She has already gotten dressed, brushed her teeth, and forced down a few bites of toast before getting back into bed. She is so tired. It’s almost noon, and she’s still exhausted. All she wants to do is sleep, but she can’t force herself to sleep, so she just lays there and lets the blankets smother her.

She’s leaning against a wall of pillows so she’s propped up, and there’s a book in her lap. She’s not reading it, but her eyes are scanning over the page over and over again. There’s a burning in her head. Blake’s eyes trace over the silhouettes of the words, and she can’t make heads or tails of what they mean.

Her eyes drift to the window. Light is drifting in and basking the room in gold. A part of her recognizes the view as beautiful, but the colors outside the room are so bright, too vibrant. It almost hurts her eyes. It’s easier to trace the wallpaper, so she lets her eyes slide once more over the contours of the pattern.

There’s a knock at the door, and her heart jumps as her mom peeks through the door. She forces a smile at her, flipping her book upside down on her lap. “Hey, Mom.”

“Hi, honey,” Kali says. “There’s someone here to see you.” She pushes the door open further to reveal Ilia. Blake’s blood runs cold, and she feels her smile flicker. Ilia waves at her, and Blake sits up further. 

“Hey.” Ilia steps in, and Blake pats the mattress beside her. Something in her stomach coils tight.

“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” Kali says, and then they’re alone.

They stare at each other, and Ilia’s face crumples. “Blake, I am so, so sorry-”

Blake lunges for her, enveloping her in her arms. There’s a burning in her side, but she ignores it. “Thank you. Thank you.” There are tears brimming at the corners of her eyes, and she clenches them shut as they run over her cheeks. “Thank you _so much_.”

Ilia freezes before warming to her touch, and she starts stroking Blake’s back. “Of course. Of course.” 

They hold each other, and Blake is shaking in her arms when she draws back. She wipes at her face, smiling tentatively. “I’m so happy you’re okay. I was so worried.”

“You were worried about _me_?”

Blake nods. “No one told me what happened to you. I was so worried.”

Ilia fingers the ends of her ponytail, sitting on the corner of the mattress. “I was worried about you. They wouldn’t let me see you, even after I tried to explain.”

Her throat bobs. “Explain?” she repeats.

Ilia averts her gaze. “What Adam did. To you.”

Blake brings her knees to her chest. She stares at Ilia’s hands. “What happened?”

Ilia sighs, and she sits criss-cross on the bed. Her hands lay in her lap, and Blake can feel her staring at her, but she doesn’t lift her gaze. “I saw, Blake. I saw the bruises.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Ilia’s hand twitches. “And I realized he was hurting you.” Blake keeps staring at her hands, now clenched into fists. “And I left you.” 

Blake swallows. Her hands curl around the covers. She knew. She knew. She _knew_.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Ilia continues. “I had to go to Menagerie, I couldn’t- I couldn’t stay. But I hated myself for leaving you. I just- I didn’t know what to do.” Ilia’s knuckles are white. “He was hurting you, and I left.

“I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I had to do something.” Ilia shifts. “I got to Menagerie, and I waited around the docks before reporting to headquarters. I didn’t know what to think.” Blake doesn’t move, isn’t even sure if she’s breathing. “But Adam was hurting you. And if he was willing to hurt you, hurt the person who loved him-” Ilia’s voice catches. “What else could he do? What else would he do?

“The White Fang, well, Adam wasn’t acting for the good of the Faunus anymore. And I had to do something about that.” Ilia’s fingers flex. “I tried to get word to Sienna, but she was dead before I could get to her. Adam killed her.” 

Blake stifles a gasp. She bites the inside of her cheeks until she tastes blood.

Ilia continues, apparently not noticing her reaction. “And then it was just me. Everyone else was on Adam’s side, and I was alone.” Ilia sighs, and one hand tangles into the ends of her ponytail. “And then I got the order to kill your parents.”

“What?” she chokes out. Her gaze is still on Ilia’s hand, but she can see her chin bounce in a nod. 

“Adam told me to kill your parents.”

The words spread through her, cold and icy. “Why?”

“I don’t know. But he wanted them gone. So I went to them and told them everything. I came forward and told the people of Menagerie what the White Fang was doing. It took some convincing, but we managed to get together a group of people to come here to Haven.” Ilia lets out a soft chuckle. “They really love your parents, and your parents really love you, you know that?”

Her throat is dry, so she just nods. “I know,” she rasps.

Ilia nods again. “I didn’t tell them about what Adam was doing to you. I didn’t know how. But they knew you were in trouble.” Ilia reaches for her hands, and Blake lets her grasp them. “We came for you. I’m sorry it took so long.”

“It’s not your fault,” she says instinctively. “It’s okay. You _came_.” 

“But I knew,” Ilia argues, “I knew and I left you, and I’m so sorry, Blake. I’m so sorry.” She squeezes Blake’s hands. “I can’t imagine what he did.”

Blake keeps chewing on the inside of her mouth. She imagines her tongue is wet with blood. “Were you at the trial?” she asks.

“I read your testimony.” Blake nods, more to herself than to Ilia. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice, I mean, _years_ , and I had no idea. I had no idea.”

“He didn’t let me see you,” she says softly. “He didn’t let me see you when I wasn’t good. You couldn’t have known.” 

“I should have,” Ilia insists. “I should have known.”

She tentatively attempts to raise her gaze to meet Ilia’s eyes, but she can’t bring herself to look any higher than Ilia’s collarbones. “No one noticed, Ilia. No one knew.”

“But they did, Blake.”

Blake goes cold. “What?”

Ilia clears her throat. “Some of the White Fang heard you,” she says. Her voice is careful, but the words still slam into Blake and knock the breath out of her. 

“Heard me?” she repeats. The blood is racing in her ears.

“Screaming. A lot of them just dismissed it as you two, well, you know, but others suspected. They testified for you.”

Blake closes her eyes. “They heard?” Every inch of her is cold. She can barely feel Ilia’s hands in her own, everything is so cold. She thinks she might be shaking. “They _heard_?” They heard her screaming. They heard her begging, pleading, praying for relief, for mercy, for forgiveness. They heard.

“Most of them didn’t know, but a lot of them suspected.” Ilia squeezes her hands. “Talk to me.”

She tries to take a deep breath, but it’s too shallow, and it falters. “They heard _me_.” Shame overwhelms her. They heard her. Her words echo through her head, and she cringes, straining against Ilia’s grasp.

_Adam, please_

_I promise, I’ll be good, I promise_

_Please, I’ll be good_

_I won’t run again, I promise_

_I tried to be good_

_I’m sorry_

_Yours, all yours_

_Please_

Ilia is talking to her, but she can’t hear her. All she hears is the echo of her own voice in her head, and the shame pounding in her skull. They heard her. They heard her. They heard her.

She really is weak.

“Blake!” Ilia grabs her shoulders, and Blake is all-too aware of the tears pouring down her cheeks. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry.” 

Ilia raises her hand to her face, and Blake brings her chin to her shoulder as she winces. But her touch is gentle as she wipes the tears from her face. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

“ _They heard me_.”

Ilia gently thumbs the tears off her cheeks. “Talk to me.”

Her mouth gapes open, and she flounders. What can she say? How could she tell her? What could she tell her? She rubs her eyes, brushing Ilia’s hands from her face. Her shoulders are heaving, and she feels like her chest is shaking. “They knew?”

“No. But they suspected. Most of the White Fang didn’t hear you, they had no idea, but some… some of them did.” Ilia reaches for her hands once more, and she lets her. “Mostly Adam’s underlings. Just a handful of people.”

She closes her eyes. “They thought I deserved it.”

Ilia tenses, and she already has her answer. “Blake-”

“It’s okay, Ilia. It’s okay. I’m okay.” She swallows thickly. “It’s fine.”

“Blake, these are the same assholes who are upset the bombs didn’t go off when Adam tried to set them off, don’t-”

“What?” Her eyes snap open, and she finally meets Ilia’s gaze. “Adam tried to set off the bombs?”

Ilia’s face is tight, but she nods. “We managed to disarm all but one of them. No one was killed, the station was empty and not running that day,” she adds hastily. “Did no one tell you?”

Her chest feels like a kernel about to pop. “No. No, no one told me.” Her friend’s eyes fill with pity, and she has to look away again. 

He was going to kill them all. She hates that a part of her is surprised.

She wipes her face with the back of her hand, fixing her gaze on Ilia’s hands once more. “What else?” she asks, voice hoarse. “What else don’t I know?” Her voice cracks, and the shame inside her breaks whatever stability she’s built up. Her hands are shaking. She wants to lay down and curl into a ball and just stare at the wall for as long as she can bear.

“I think that’s it. I don’t- I don’t know.” 

Blake nods. “Okay. Thank you.” She leans back against the headboard. She forces herself to take a breath. She forces herself to straighten up. and she forces herself to relax. “How are you doing?” She looks into Ilia’s face, and she’s never seen Ilia so horrified. “Ilia?”

“How did you do that?” The horror is oozing out of her voice, and Blake cocks her head.

“Do what?”

“You just shut down, Blake. What did you do?” Ilia scootches closer, eyes full of concern. “You can cry, it’s okay.”

Blake shakes her head, trying to pull from Ilia’s grasp. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.” She nods to herself. “It’s just a lot to take in, you know?” She sniffles and wipes her face with the back of her hand once more. “But seriously, how are you?”

Ilia’s expression softens, and Blake watches as her throat bobs. “I’ve been worried about you.” Her eyes are burying Blake, and the weight of her gaze is crushing her. “When are you going back to Menagerie?”

Blake pulls her knees to her chest as she shrugs. “I don’t think I’m going back,” she says carefully. “At least, not yet.” She lowers her gaze once more, and she focuses in on the neckline of Ilia’s shirt. 

“Where else would you go?” Blake winces. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry-”

“No, it’s okay, I know. I know.” She clears her throat. “I was invited to help save the world.” She cracks a grin, and her cheeks are still wet and her mouth is wobbly, but she’s flashing her teeth, and that counts for something. “Well, actually, after you left that night, I saw some of Adam’s associates fighting a group of people. And I went and fought against them alongside this group. And this group, this group is fighting the people that Adam was allying us with. The people who set up the Fall of Haven. Bad people.

“And they want me to join them. They want me to help them help people. And I think I will.” Her breath is shallow, but her voice is stronger than she anticipated. “I think I’m going to fight with them.”

Ilia’s eyes are still soft, but now they’re pitying. “Blake, you’re in no condition-”

“If I don’t do this, I won’t be able to live with myself,” she interrupts. Blake looks Ilia in the eyes, her lip beginning to wobble. “I can’t live with myself like this. I can’t.”

“You’ve done nothing wrong-”

“But I’ve done nothing right, either. I failed to stop the fall of Beacon, I failed to stop Adam.” Her breath catches, but she continues. “I failed. And maybe, just maybe, I can do something right.”

Ilia looks pale, but she nods. “You don’t have to do this, Blake. You should rest.” She laughs. “What?”

“I don’t think I can.” She shakes her head. “No, I don’t think rest is good for me. It’s too… it’s too quiet when I’m resting.”

Ilia squeezes her hands. “If you’re sure.” Her voice is unsteady, but her grip is sure. “How do your parents feel about you gallivanting off into dangers unknown?” She’s keeping her voice light, Blake realizes, but the words are heavy. 

“They just want what’s best for me.”

“And you think this group is? Best for you?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t know, but I can make that choice. It’s my choice.”

* * *

After Ilia leaves, Blake curls up with her Scroll. Yang had texted her.

_Hey! We’re all training tomorrow if you want to come. Be a good opportunity to meet everyone._

Blake’s fingers hover over the keyboard. She hasn’t trained in almost a month. She could use it. But she thinks about the way her ribs still poke out, the way she shakes at night from the cold, her still aching hip. She swallows, sighing. 

She wants to. She wants to meet everyone and see who she would be working with. She wants to get strong again and feel steady in her body. She wants to be able to defend herself again. 

_Sounds good. Where should I meet you?_

She slides out of bed and pads out to the living room. Her parents fall silent as she approaches, and Blake can feel their gaze lingering over her. She resists the urge to cross her arms over herself and instead sits down on the couch. 

“How are you feeling?” Ghira asks from the kitchen, where he’s cooking something. Her stomach growls at the smell, but it makes her want to throw up. She smiles, curling into herself on the couch.

“Okay. Good, actually. It was nice to see Ilia,” she admits as her mother places her book face down on the table. 

“I’m glad. You really missed her,” Kali says. Blake nods. 

“Yeah.” She draws the blanket on the couch over her shoulders. “What’re you making, Dad?”

“Tuna, pasta, and pesto. I couldn’t make my own pesto this time, though, there’s no mortar and pestle here, but the store had some homemade, so hopefully it’s up to snuff,” Ghira says.

“My favorite.”

Ghira shrugs. “I know.” He smiles at her, and some of the tension in her chest loosens. “But this better not taste better than mine back home, understood?”

She rolls her eyes, unable to force a laugh. “Sure, whatever you say.”

Her mother smiles and Blake hesitantly shifts closer to her. Kali opens her arms. “Come here,” she says lightly, and Blake lays her head in her mother’s lap. Her mother starts combing through her hair with her fingers and petting her ears, just like she used to when she was little. She smiles at the feeling of Kali’s fingers on her scalp, delicate against her. 

They stay like that for a while, and Blake almost falls asleep. Kali picks up her book once more, and Blake just stares out the window as the sun sets over Haven. There’s a warmth in her stomach, though, unlike when she usually stares mindlessly, and she feels okay. It’s okay. Everything is okay.

“Dinner!” Ghira calls, and Blake shifts up.

She sits down at the table, and she’s suddenly aware of the fact that this is the first real meal she’s had with her parents. She feels awake in a way she hasn’t felt since before the trial. Blake is tired, but she feels aware of herself and of the world around her. The smell of the pesto invades her nostrils, and she takes a deep breath. She can do this. She can do this.

Ghira plops a large portion on her plate before serving Kali and himself, and she smiles her thanks. She picks up her fork. They’re both silent and watching her, and she clenches her free hand. She can do this. She slowly twists the pasta onto her forks and brings it to her mouth. The flavors explode on her tongue, and she chews, reveling in the smooth stretch of the noodle. Blake swallows.

The tension breaks, and Ghira and Kali dig into their dishes. Blake studies her plate. Tuna next, then. 

“So, the boat to Menagerie leaves next week,” Ghira says before she can stab her fish. 

Blake nods and takes a sip of water. 

“Do you want to talk it out, sweetie?” Kali asks, voice gentle.

She shakes her head. “I’m still thinking about it.” Tuna, she can do tuna, she loves tuna. Her parents exchange a glance, and she ignores it as she cuts her fish. She bites down and swallows. “It’s really good, Dad. Best I’ve had in ages,” she says as her gut roils against her. More pasta, then.

“Thank you.” He puffs out his chest. “It would be better if I made the pesto. I can’t understand how they don’t have mortar and pestles here! They said the kitchen was fully equipped, and your mother wouldn’t let me buy one to fully equip it.”

“Ghira,” Kali says, “you have one at home, you do not need two.” She turns to face Blake. “Speaking of home, don’t you want to come back? Relax?”

She takes a bite of pasta to avoid answering.

“I could make this every night until you’re sick of it,” Ghira says with a laugh in his voice. “And it would be right this time, with my pesto. Or we could go and catch our dinner.” He grins, bearing his teeth. “I recall a certain somehow being rather deft with a fillet knife.”

She keeps chewing, her teeth and saliva breaking down the pasta to the point it almost tastes sweet. Blake swallows and lowers her gaze back to her plate. 

“And I have a bunch of new books I think you would really enjoy, honey.” 

She can feel her parents smiling at her, and she shrinks down into herself. 

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do yet, that’s all,” she says. Blake decides to cut up all her fish to make it easier, and it gives her hands something to do. The knife parts the fish easily, and she wonders if it was this easy for Adam to stab her. Her stomach burns, and her hands clench around her utensils. _Breathe_.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk it out? It could be helpful,” Kali presses. 

She shakes her head and takes another sip of water. Her stomach groans in protest, and she’s pressing her hand against it. 

“I just need to think,” Blake says. Her voice is sharper than she intends it, and she winces. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

“No, no, it’s okay!” Kali rushes to say. “I should have listened to you the first time.”

She keeps talking, and Blake refocuses on her plate. One more bite. She can do one more bite. The mountain of food looms before her, and it feels unconquerable. But she needs to eat. She needs the energy, needs the sustenance. And she loves tuna! She should be gobbling this down, not picking at it like a child.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Ghira asks. 

She pauses, her fork in midair. “I think I’m going to go train with Yang. Need to get back into shape.”

Her parents exchange another look, and she brings her fork to her lips. Chew, chew, chew, swallow. She heaves a breath and sighs. She can do this. She can keep going.

But her stomach rises, and she’s out of her seat before her fork can hit her plate.

“Blake-”

She’s running to the sink, unable to make it to the bathroom, when the hot spew boils up and out of her mouth, and she’s gagging. Her eyes are burning, and her throat is acid. Hands gently pull back her hair and rub her back, and she’s sobbing, but she’s still throwing up. Blake is heaving, and her mouth tastes rotten.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Kali soothes as Ghira rubs her back, but tears are still running down her face. 

Blake crumples against the counter, her arms unable to support her. She’s heaving, and another spurt of vomit rises from her throat. She’s choking on it, she’s gagging on it, and she can’t breathe. Another forceful shudder.

She takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes. Her mouth is stinging. Blake leans against her parents, forcing herself to move away from the support of the counter. “I’m okay,” she says, voice shaking. “I’m okay.”

“Honey, talk to us,” Kali says, and she closes her eyes. “You’re making yourself sick.”

“I’m just not used to food still, that’s all.” She breaks out of her parent’s grasp and reaches back for her water. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“But you’re not, Blake.” Ghira’s voice is soft, but she still winces. “We can’t help you if you don’t talk to us, sweetheart.”

“My stomach just isn’t used to it yet, I’m fine.” She takes a sip of water. 

“You’re wasting away, you need to eat.”

“And I am, it just takes a little while.” More water. She moves to sit down, wiping the back of her mouth. “Come on, let’s finish dinner before it gets cold.”

Her stomach turns as the smell of food wafts up to her nose, and she steels herself against the table as her parents tentatively sit back down. She drinks her water. Her parents don’t pick up their utensils, though. Ghira sighs back into his chair as Kali leans forward.

“We’re worried about you,” Kali says.

“And don’t say you’re fine, because you’re not,” Ghira chimes in.

She sighs. “What do you want me to say?” she asks.

“Talk to us. What’s going on in there?” Kali asks gently. 

“I’m just tired.”

“You’re depressed.”

“I’m okay.”

“But you’re not.”

“Does it matter?” she asks bitterly. 

Kali reaches for her. “Of course it does.”

She stares at her mother’s hand. “I think I’m going to join Yang’s team.” Her mother flinches, but she doesn’t pull away.

“Why?” Kali asks. “You’re in no state, honey.”

She shrugs, ignoring the pang in her chest. “I have to. No, I need to.”

“You don’t need to do anything,” Ghira says.

“I need to do this,” she insists. “I need to help.”

“You can barely hold yourself upright,” Kali says. “You need to focus on recovering.”

“What if I can’t recover?” The words rip out of her chest, and her still wet eyes start tearing up again. 

“Don’t say that,” Kali says, but Blake shakes her head.

“I’m not okay, and I might be like this for a long time. I don’t know how to deal with this,” she says.

“Going off and putting yourself in danger won’t teach you how to cope,” Ghira says.

“But it’ll keep me from hating myself.” She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. “I can’t keep living like this. I can’t. And helping people might make me feel better.”

“Or you could run yourself ragged,” Kali says.

Blake shrugs. “It’s better than doing nothing.”

“But you’re not doing nothing, you’re-”

“I can’t just sit around, Dad. I’m going crazy.” She looks each of her parents in the eyes, switching her gaze between them. “If I go home to Menagerie, I’m going to go crazy.”

Kali’s ears sag as she looks at Blake, and Blake feels her own deflating in response. “We just got you back,” her mother whispers.

“This isn’t me,” she says. “This isn’t who I am.”

_It can’t be_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 See you next Thursday!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, everybody! Hope you're doing well and staying safe in all this craziness. Take care of yourself.

Blake gets there before Yang has brushed her teeth, something she’s acutely aware of as she opens the door.

“Hope it’s okay that I’m early,” Blake says as she steps inside, “I wasn’t sure if I would get lost or not.”

“No worries! I just need to finish getting ready. You can sit out here, though, and I’ll be out in a minute.” She leads Blake to the living room and basically runs to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She scrubs them clean, and then repeats the ritual all over again. Sparring with someone with nasty breath was never nice, and she tried to help it when she could. 

Nora is chatting Blake’s ear off when she gets back out, and Yang’s stomach drops. Blake looks like she’s about to pass out, but Nora keeps talking to her.

“Hey, why don’t we head outside?” Yang interrupts, placing her hand on her hip. Nora grins at her. 

“Ready for a rematch?” she asks, slamming her hammer into her palm. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Blake wincing. 

“Always.” She moves to Blake’s side. “I see you’ve met Blake.”

Nora’s eyes light up. “Yeah, we were just talking about-”

“How you’re still in your pjs?” Yang says, raising an eyebrow. Nora blushes.

“I’ll be right back!” she promises as she zips away.

“You okay?” Yang asks, turning to Blake.

Blake nods. “She’s intense.” But there’s a hint of a smile in her voice, and Yang grins at her. 

“She’s awesome. You should meet her partner, Ren. They’re complete opposites. I have no idea how they work so well together.”

Blake shrugs. “Opposites attract and all that.”

Yang nods, and they head out onto the roof. There’s no one else there yet, just as Yang had planned. Most of her team was still eating, and she wanted Blake there early to adjust to everything. 

“Do you want to stretch out?” she asks, already moving to stretch her shoulder. 

Blake nods. “I haven’t trained in ages,” she admits. “So don’t just me if I’m a little rusty.”

Yang smiles, switching arms. “Never,” she says, watching as Blake moves through her stretches. She’s flexible, but she moves tentatively. “Is your hip still hurting you?”

“Yeah, a little,” she admits.

Yang raises her eyebrows, then claps. “Oh, this is perfect! I’ll be right back.” She turns away, then turns back. “I didn’t mean it like that, just give me a second.”

“No worries?”

She runs into the kitchen where everyone is still eating. “Jaune, can I borrow you for a second?” she asks. He’s spooning Pumpkin Pete’s cereal into his mouth like it’s going out of style, but he nods. “Great, thanks!” Yang drags him out to the porch, and he’s sputtering behind her. “Jaune, meet Blake. Blake, meet Jaune.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jaune greets, and there’s still cereal in his teeth. “Yang, I thought you meant after breakfast.”

She shrugs. “No time like the present!”

“For?” Blake asks.

She grins. “Jaune’s Semblance is amplifying Aura. If he amplifies your Aura, your hip should be good to go!”

Blake blanches, and Jaune doesn’t fare much better. “Yang, I’m really new to this whole Semblance thing, are you sure?” he asks, eyes darting between them.

“I’m fine, Yang, really,” Blake says. 

“It’ll be good practice for you, Jaune, and Blake, why be in pain if you don’t need to be?” She feels like punching the sky, but she doesn’t. “Just, try it. Both of you. Please.”

Jaune sighs, but he crouches down to where Blake is sitting and stretching. “Where are you hurt?” he asks with a sigh.

Her hands drift to her hip, and he nods. “Is it okay if I touch you? It’s easier that way,” he explains.

“Yeah,” she says, but her face is pale. 

Yang watches as Jaune gently presses his hands to her side, and he takes a deep breath. “Let me know how this feels,” he says, and he closes his eyes.

His hands start shimmering with Aura, but Blake’s hip remains still. His brows crease. “Is your Aura unlocked?” he asks.

Blake nods. “Yeah.”

Jaune’s face tenses. “I can’t find it,” he says.

“What do you mean, you can’t find it?” Yang asks.

“It’s like it’s not there.”

Something passes over Blake’s face, and then her hip starts faintly glowing with Aura. She gasps and places her hands over Jaune’s, but he keeps his hands on her body. Yang watches as they pulsate white, and some of the tension in Blake’s body visibly drains away. Yang smiles. She should’ve thought of this sooner.

“Your Aura doesn’t feel right,” Jaune says finally, pulling away from her as the glow fades.

“What?” Blake asks, eyes snapping open.

Jaune shrugs, standing back up. “It doesn’t feel right,” he repeats. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Can you try?” Yang asks, and she puts her hands up in surrender as he shoots her a glare.

“It feels really, really weak, but also not fully there. Patchy, I guess.” He scratches the back of his head. “I’d ask Ozpin about it.”

“Professor Ozpin, as in the missing headmaster of Beacon?” Blake asks.

Yang sighs, rubbing her face. “It’s hard to explain, but yeah. And he’s not missing, well, but he’s not exactly here, either. It’s hard to explain.”

“While you explain that, I’m gonna go ask him,” Jaune says, striding back for the kitchen.

“Thank you, Jaune,” Blake says, and Jaune pauses, turning back to smile.

“You’re welcome.”

They watch as he goes, and then Blake turns to her. “Is Ozpin Qrow’s boss?” she asks. “Because I don’t think I’m supposed to know that until I’ve told you I’m joining the team.”

“Kind of? It’s really, really hard to explain. He’d do a better job of it.”

Oscar appears in the doorway, and he starts walking towards them. “Oh, great, you’re here,” she says. “Cause I don’t know how to explain the whole Ozpin situation.”

“Who’s this?” Blake asks, coming to her feet. 

“I’m Oscar. And, well, also Professor Ozpin.” Oscar sighs. “I’ll let him take over and explain. He really wants to meet you, Blake.” Oscar closes his eyes and shudders, and his whole posture changes as Ozpin settles in.

“Miss Belladonna, I presume?” Ozpin asks, holding his hand out for Blake to shake. “I’m Professor Ozpin.”

Blake blinks, and Yang watches as her brow furrows. “You’re Oscar.”

“And Ozpin. It’s like two souls sharing one body. Well, multiple souls, but mainly two.” He smiles. “But we’ll tell you all about that after you’ve made your decision. For now, just know that I am Professor Ozpin, and Jaune said that your Aura feels patchy. May I?” He reaches for her, and she nods.

Yang watches as he closes his eyes and hums, and Blake faintly glows purple. His eyes shoot open, and they dart to Yang. 

“Miss Belladonna, I have good news and bad news. I don’t think you want Miss Xiao Long to hear this, though,” he says. 

Yang nods and moves to leave, but Blake shakes her head. “She can stay,” she says, and Yang blinks in surprise.

“Are you sure?” she asks, and Blake nods.

Ozpin purses his lips. “Very well. Miss Belladonna, your Aura is, to put it gently, underdeveloped.”

“I’ve been using my Aura for years, it’s been fine this whole time,” Blake says.

“Qrow told me about... your past. It is common for survivors of what you’ve gone through to have Aura deformities. I imagine you would shut down your Aura, yes?”

Yang’s eyes move between Ozpin and Blake as Blake pales. 

“Yes,” Blake rasps, and Ozpin nods.

“Well, Aura is not meant to be used like that. It’s meant to be a constant protector once activated, and the only time it should be down is when it cracks. When you purposely shut down your Aura, it disrupts its natural growth. It may feel fine to you, but in actuality, it’s very dangerous and unstable. Your Aura could fail you when you need it most in the best case scenario.”

“So what does she do about it?” Yang asks.

“I would recommend Aura exercises and working with your Semblance, but sessions with Jaune would likely be very beneficial to you.”

“Well, that’s good, because- because I think I want to join your team. If you would have me.”

Yang beams at her. “Really? Are you sure?” she asks. 

“We would be honored to have you as part of our team.” Ozpin bows his head, and Blake bows her head back. “We’ll have to catch you up, but we can do that after training today.” 

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” 

Ozpin nods, and then he shudders. His eyes flash, and Oscar comes back to them. 

“He’ll talk to you more after,” he explains. “I need to train too. Still pretty new to this whole fighting thing.” He scratches the back of his head. “But, uh, nice to meet you, Blake. Glad you’re a part of the team now, I guess.” 

“Glad to be a part of it,” she says.

Yang watches as Oscar goes, and then she turns back to Blake. “You’re really joining us?” she asks, smiling. 

Blake nods. “I want to. I really, really want to. If that’s okay. I should’ve asked, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed-”

“Blake, it’s more than okay. I’m- I’m thrilled.” She smiles, reaching for her arm. Blake winces as she does, but Yang softens her grasp. “I just want you to be sure. It’s a big commitment.”

“I’m sure. I’ve thought it over, a lot, and I want to help.”

Yang can’t stop the grin that keeps breaking out over her face. “This is going to be amazing.” 

Blake smiles back at her, but it flickers. “It will be,” she agrees. “Now, let’s get training.”

“Do you want to do hand-to-hand or weapons first?”

Blake shrugs. “Hand-to-hand? It’s been a while for me, though. Just a heads up.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you,” she ribs gently, and Blake nods.

“Nah, don’t hold back. I won’t get better if you don’t go all out.”

Yang assumes her stance, and Blake mirrors her. Yang cocks her brow as they start circling each other. 

She moves to strike, and Blake flinches. Yang lets her hands fall. Blake’s head is down to her chest, and her arms are crossed in front of her face as if she’s already been hit. Her arms are shaking. 

“That’s not an efficient block,” she says softly, and Blake’s head shoots up.

“Sorry, just… instinct.”

Something coils in her stomach, but she forces herself to nod. 

“Here, let me,” she says, and she adjusts Blake’s arms. “Having your arms up by your face is good, but you also want to be able to easily strike from that position. Your hands should be loose, but steady. You don’t want to have tight fists until right before you strike, otherwise your hands will get tired.” She smiles. “Trust me, I know.”

Blake moves her arms, and Yang gets behind her. “Try punching,” Yang suggests, her hands on her shoulders. Blake hits the air, and Yang nods. “Good. But humor me, and try putting your left foot forward.”

“Why?”

“It should help your balance, and it grounds you.” Yang moves back in front of her. “See, when my feet are equal, you can push me over way easier, and I’m more likely to throw myself off balance. With one foot in front of the other, I can shift my weight, and it helps throw some power behind my hits.” She demonstrates a quick jab-cross in her equal footed stance, then with her left foot forward. “You try.”

Blake adjusts herself, and she strikes the air. “That feels weird,” she says, and Yang nods.

“You’re used to fighting a certain way. It’ll take some time to get used to it.” 

“How long have you been doing this?” Blake asks, trying another round of strikes. 

“Fighting, or fighting like this?”

“Both, I guess.”

Yang nods. “Now, try some different strikes.” Blake does. “Well, I’ve been fighting against the Grimm since I can remember. Like I said, my dad had us training since we were in diapers. But his style isn’t too different from my own, and I kind of just figured it out from there.”

“But why not fight with a weapon? Well, you know what I mean.”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “I just wanted an extension of my own body as my weapon. It made sense to make Ember Celica to just accentuate what I can do.”

Blake stills and averts her gaze. “It must have been really hard,” she says, “losing your arm.”

Yang clears her throat. “It wasn’t a walk in the park,” she says, hands still up by her face. Her hand wants to start shaking, but she clenches her fist tight. “But I got through it.”

“I’m sorry, Yang.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Blake,” she says patiently.

“No, I mean, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Yang watches as Blake’s throat bobs. “I know I already said that, but I’m sorry. Losing a part of yourself must be really hard, and you got through it, and you’re still smiling, and I marvel at you.” Yang’s stomach drops.

“It’s not easy,” she says. “I mean, it wasn’t easy. It was really hard, and it still is, if I’m honest.”

“The nightmares?” Blake guesses. 

She nods. “Yeah. The nightmares.” She sighs, rubbing her brow. “I try to just stay positive.” She flexes her right arm. “It’s funny. Some days, I almost forget about it, and other days, it’s all I can think about.”

She stares down at her arm, the metal glinting in the early morning sun. “It’s not a replacement, you know?” she says. “It’s not my arm. In some ways, it’s better, just because of its capability, but it’s also worse because it’s better. Like, I’d rather have my arm back than have this just because this is stronger.” 

Blake puts her hand on her arm, and Yang blinks up at her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go all deep on you,” Yang says.

“No, it’s okay. Support each other, and all that.” Blake squeezes her arm. “You don’t have to talk about it, but I’m here for when you do.” 

And then she’s smiling up at her, and Yang’s heart pangs. “Thanks,” she replies, mouth dry. “Seriously. I appreciate it.”

Blake keeps smiling at her, but she stops touching her arm. Yang swallows. “Of course.” 

She can still feel her touch on her, and Yang’s hand brushes over where her arm just was, clutching her wrist to hold in the warmth. “Alright, let’s try this again,” she says, getting back into her fighting stance.

Blake nods, but she’s still smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you next Thursday! <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! I hope you're all doing well during this time, and taking care of yourself. <3

Training felt good. Moving felt good. It hurts, but she had forgotten how it felt to use her body and feel good about it. Blake was so used to training with Adam, it was weird to train with someone else. It wasn’t good to only train with one person, but he rarely let her. He was the only one allowed to hurt her, after all.

She stretches out on the floor as her parents eat dinner. Blake is sipping at broth and steamed veggies. It’s light enough to keep down, and she’s already eaten the slice of the bread her father baked earlier that day. She wants to push it, but she knows better. And the broth is filling her up. Her stomach has stopped growling, which is good. She needs food after training, and normally, she could eat bowls and bowls and bowls of food after a good training session, but, for now, broth is good. It’s enough.

Blake takes a sip as she’s leaned over her leg, her chin as close to her ankle as she can manage. There’s a pull in her thigh, and it’s tight, but it feels good. She silently counts in her head, pressing her forehead to the ground. She’s always been flexible, and it’s nice to feel like a part of her body still belongs to her.

“How was training today, Blake?” Kali asks. She can just see her over the edge of the table, and she turns her head to the other side.

“It was nice,” she says. “It felt good to be back.” She pauses, switching legs. “They were all nice to me.” Even Weiss was cool but cordial. “They were really nice, actually.” 

“As they should,” Ghira says, and she rolls her eyes. “Treat people the way you want to be treated.”

“Well, they were nice either way.” She debates telling them about what Jaune discovered. But they would just freak out, and they might try to stop her from joining the group to Atlas. “It was good to see Yang.”

“I like her,” Kali says brightly. “She seems like a good friend, don’t you think?”

“Mom, we just met, I barely know her.” But she does think, she already wants to be friends with her. She wants to keep working with her, training with her. Yang feels good. She reminds her that she’s not a complete lost cause, and the way she looks at her makes Blake feel warm and guilty at the same time.

“Still. She was there every day, you know,” Kali says nonchalantly. Blake freezes.

“She was?”

“Yeah. That’s how we met her, actually. We ran into her while we were going to see if they would let us see you. Did I not tell you?” Kali hums. “She sat and talked with us for a few hours. Made sure we were doing alright. Very sweet girl. I’m happy that you’ll be with her.”

“Yeah, she’s been… she’s been great.” 

_I thought you deserved better_.

Blake shakes the thought out of her head, swiveling her torso to stretch her back. She stands up. She takes her bowl and sits at the table between her parents. They smile at her, and she smiles back. 

She takes another sip of her soup. It’s warm, but not burning hot. It doesn’t burn her tongue, and it’s the perfect temperature. She spoons some more into her mouth. “Thanks for the soup, Dad. It’s just what I needed.”

Ghira’s smile brightens. “I’m glad! It’s a new recipe, I used-”

“Maybe don’t talk about what you used at the dinner table,” Kali interrupts, raising her brow. Ghira shrugs.

“It’s a new recipe,” he finishes.

“Well, I like it. You’ll have to teach me.”

“How about tomorrow?”

“That sounds good. I’m training in the morning, but I should be home before lunch.” 

“I’ll be ready,” he promises, and she smiles at him.

She circles the bowl with her spoon, looking at the murky broth. “Apparently, we leave Friday.” She winces as her mother’s utensils drop to the table. Blake keeps her head down. “I know that’s soon, but-”

“That’s three days away, honey,” Ghira interrupts. Her hands curl into nervous fists, and her knuckles are white. “That’s too soon.”

“It’s when the first train goes out for Argus,” she explains. “They, well, we can’t afford to wait. It’s time sensitive.”

“Oh.” Her mother sniffles.

She clears her throat. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t think it would be so soon,” Kali says quietly.

Blake nods. “Neither did I,” she admits. 

“Do you still want to do this?” Ghira asks.

“Yes.” The word leaves her mouth before she can think, but she realizes it’s true. She wants to do this. She needs to do this. It’s penance, it’s reparations, it’s paying her debt. But her hands are shaking. Her throat bobs, and she closes her eyes. “I’m gonna miss you guys,” she says, voice soft. “I missed you so much, and I’m going to miss you so much.”

Her parents each reach for her hands, and she looks up with watery eyes. “We’re going to miss you too,” Ghira says, and he squeezes her hand gently. “We love you, Blake.”

“We love you so much,” Kali adds.

“I love you too.” 

They leave their seats to hug her, and some of the tension in her chest abates. She lets loose a shaky breath as her head falls against her father’s chest, her mother holding her tight. “I love you both so much,” Blake says.

“We know, honey. We know.”

* * *

She runs to the house the next morning as a warm up. She’s good at running, fast and agile. The pounding of the pavement feels as natural as the beating of her heart verberating throughout her chest. Her feet like hitting the pavement, and it’s easy to stretch her legs in time to some unknown beat. She isn’t at full health, she knows she isn’t, but feeling her lungs expand and contract makes her feel like her body is hers. She’s pulling in clean air and expelling the corruption.

Blake gets to the door, and she’s dripping with sweat as she knocks on the door. Nora answers, and she grins as she opens the door. “Blake!” she squeals. 

“Hey, Nora,” she says, stepping through the doorway. “Is everyone already out in the courtyard?”

“Nah, we’re still eating breakfast. Do you want to join?”

Before she can shake her head, before she can come up with a palatable lie, Jaune rounds the corner, his hair standing up in different directions. “Blake, you’re here!” he says, and then he yawns. “Sorry, uh, right this way.”

“Whatcha doing?” Nora asks, following them as Jaune leads her down the hall.

“Semblance stuff,” Jaune says. “Just training.” 

She startles slightly, but she hopes she manages to cover it up. So it’s not common knowledge. It’s between her, Jaune, Oz-car, and Yang. It’s her choice to tell people. It’s her choice.

She turns to Nora and takes a deep breath. “I just, uh, have some issues with my Aura. Jaune is helping me out, and he’s practicing using his Semblance. Perfect match, and all that.” Nora nods, eyes lighting up.

“Oh, that’s perfect! Alright, I’ll leave you two to it!” she sings, closing the door behind her.

Blake freezes as she realizes they’re in a room alone. There’s pillows set up on the floor, and Jaune is already moving to kneel besides the pillows. Blake takes a deep breath. Her hands are starting to shake. She sits on the pillows, about to lay down when Jaune speaks.

“Um, Ozpin told me a little bit about your past. Not any details!” he hastens to add. “Just that this might be hard for you and why it’s like this.” She nods. “Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?”

She blinks in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t mean- I’m sorry-”

“No, I just… I haven’t had anyone ask me that in a while.” She brushes her hair behind her ears. “I, well, I don’t really know.”

Jaune nods. His eyes are gentle. “That’s okay! But, uh, just let me know if I make you uncomfortable or need a break.” His throat bobs. “Ozpin mentioned this could bring up some… memories for you, depending on how intense the damage is. So if you need a break, just say something. Or if you can’t say something, just hit the floor or my leg, or whatever you can get a hold of.”

“I don’t want to hurt you-”

“It’s okay! I have a lot of Aura, and this is about you. You’re helping me, after all.”

Blake studies him. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

She lays down on the pillows, shifting as she does. “I’m gonna try doing this by just holding your hand, but I may have to go back to your hip. I figured I should try this first.”

“Thanks.”

His hands are calloused but gentle as he holds her hand, and there’s a warmth spread over her body. She peaks her eyes open, and her whole body is covered in his Aura. His eyes are closed, and his brows are knit together. “Can you relax for me?”

She shifts down and rolls back her shoulders, closing her eyes. She lets the warmth lull her into a sense of security. The tension she’s been holding in her shoulders lessens, and it almost feels like she’s laying in a pool of water. Floating on top of a gentle rolling wave. It’s like she’s in a cocoon.

Her hip starts to heat up, and she shifts. The gentle warmth grows to a sharp burning, and she grits her teeth. She can do this. She can do this. 

_I’ll be back for you, my love._

The voice snaps her eyes open, and she’s tightening her grip around Jaune’s hand as she shoots up. Her breath is ragged and thin, and she’s grabbing her chest. Her eyes dart around the room, scanning for red and black. There’s nothing, no one there. The curtains are drawn, and it’s just her and Jaune. 

Jaune, who is talking to her. Jaune, who is trying to help her. Jaune.

She wipes her face with the back of her hand, and it comes away wet. “I’m sorry,” she says, the words dribbling out of her mouth before she can think. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he says, and he squeezes her hand. He reaches for her shoulder, but she winces. “I’m sorry!”

“No, it’s okay, you’re just trying to help.” She brings her knees to her chest. “Did you hear anything?”

“No. You were just laying there, and then you shot up.” He draws back onto his haunches. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 _No_ lingers on her tongue, but she bites it back. “I just heard Adam’s voice. That’s all.”

“Adam was the one who…”

“Yeah.” She rubs her forehead. “That’s the one.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what did he say?” His voice is slow and patient, almost nervous. Maybe that’s why she can tell him.

Blake stares at her knees. “The last words he said to me. Right after he stabbed me.” She can’t bring herself to say the words when they’re still echoing in her head. _I’ll be back for you, my love I’ll be back for you, my love I’ll be back for you, my love my love my love my love my love my love_

“Was your Aura down then?”

“Yeah.” She turns to look at him. “Do you think this’ll happen every time?” There’s a flicker of hope in her chest, but his expression kills it. She turns back, brushing her hair behind her ears. “This is such bullshit.”

“Yeah. It is,” Jaune agrees, and her lips quirk up.

She sighs and lays back down, clenching her eyes shut. “Okay. I’m ready. Let’s go again.”

“Blake, no offense, but maybe we should take a break.”

She shakes her head. “If you’re good to go, so am I,” she grits.

Jaune’s hand is gentle on her wrist, and she opens her eyes to his open face. “It’s not going to be fixed in one day. We should take our time with it.”

“We don’t have the time. If I’m going to be any help, I need my Aura stable.” 

Jaune sighs, rubbing his face. “Okay. But after this, we stop for the day and go train. They’re almost done with breakfast.”

She nods and closes her eyes once more. The warmth spreads over her once more, but this time it almost immediately centers on her hip. It hurts almost worse than when he actually stabbed her, and she has to take deeper and deeper breaths. She can do this. She can do this. She can do this.

Blake grits her teeth, and her free hand clenches into a tight fist. There’s hands around her neck, and she’s just starting to gasp for air when it all evaporates. She sits up once more, heart hammering in her chest. Jaune is still holding her hand.

“You need to tell me when it starts to hurt,” he says quietly. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m fine,” she says, but her voice is hoarse. “I think it’s part of it. I think I’m going to have to live through it again if I want to get better.” There’s a cold stone in her stomach at the realization, and she has to close her eyes. “I think that it’s part of the process.”

“I am so sorry, Blake.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But I’m sorry I’m putting you through this.”

“You’re helping me. It’s not your fault that this is what that looks like.”

Jaune looks pale. “There has to be another way-”

“We don’t have time to find it,” she interrupts. “If this works, then this works.” She hesitates. “Did it work?”

Jaune hangs his head. “Yeah. I think so.”

She nods. “Then we’re going to keep doing this, and I’ll just deal with it.” Fear grips her lungs at the thought of living through him again, but she doesn’t have a choice. “If you can fix my Aura, then let’s do it.”

“Only if you let me time these,” Jaune rushes. “I’m not going to subject you to this for hours, Blake. I can’t. I won’t. Fifteen minutes.”

“Thirty.”

“Blake-”

She checks the clock. “We’ve been here for almost an hour. You need at least a half hour, then.”

Jaune sighs, but he nods. “A half hour. No more.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me for this.”

“You’re helping me.”

He shakes his head. “That’s not what it feels like.” 

She looks away. “Come on, let’s go join the others.” Blake stands up on uneasy feet and stretches, twisting her spine from side to side. 

“Do you want water? Because I could use some water.”

Blake purses her lips but nods. “That sounds nice,” she admits, and they walk into the kitchen. The rest of the team, her team now, she supposes, sits around the table as Jaune fills up two glasses of water. He silently hands her a glass with a smile, and she takes it as she sits at the counter.

“How did it go?” Nora asks.

Blake takes a drink. 

“Good. We made some real progress, I think.” Jaune clears his throat. “Who’s ready to train?” Nora pumps her fist into the air, and Blake can’t help the smile that tugs at the corners of her lips. 

“Let’s go!” Ruby chirps. They all move to put their plates and glasses in the sink, and Blake watches the organized chaos before her unfold with still-twitching lips. 

“Hey.” She startles and turns to see Yang smiling down at her. Her eyes are questioning, and Blake nods to answer the unasked question. “You want to warm up and stretch?”

She downs the rest of her water and plops the glass in the sink. “I’m down.” 

Yang smiles even brighter, and her own smile brightens. Yang links arms with her and practically skips them to the courtyard, Blake barely keeping up with her light footsteps. “How’re you feeling?” Yang asks, bouncing her feet.

Her throat closes up, and all Blake can do is shrug. 

“I mean from yesterday,” she amends, and Blake flushes red.

“Right. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry,” Yang says lightly, and they start warming up. “Did you go home and stretch?”

“Yeah, but Jaune’s Semblance really helped. It barely hurts,” she says. Except for the part when they want it to hurt. But that doesn’t count. 

“That’s good.” Yang stretches her shoulder out, her metal arm crossing her body. Blake looks away. “And how did it go just now?” Her voice isn’t pressing, but Blake still feels herself stiffen. “You don’t have to answer that, I’m sorry-”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m fine.” She’s saying that so much these days. Maybe it’ll be true soon. “It went well. Just, well, I’ll tell you after.” Yang nods, and something in her insides twinges. “Thanks for asking.”

“Of course. Taking care of each other, and all that, right?” Yang smiles at her again, and it warms her. The heat makes her veins shake, and she averts her gaze.

“Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next Thursday! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! Hope you're staying healthy and taking care of yourselves.

A cup of coffee appears at Yang’s shoulder just as she finishes meditating, and she accepts it silently as Weiss sits down next to her with her own mug. They stare out over the city for a few minutes, and Yang is all too aware of her heartbeat. It’s steady, but it’s faster than she’d like, faster than it should be after meditating.

“I don’t like her.”

Yang snorts, taking a sip of coffee. “I never would have guessed.”

Weiss turns to look at her, and her eyes are slits. “I look at her, and all I see is all the harm she’s done.”

“It wasn’t her-”

“But it was.”

Yang sighs. “Have you talked to her?” she asks finally. 

“I say hello and goodbye.”

“So no.”

Now it’s Weiss’s turn to sigh. “Why should I?”

“Because she’s going to be a part of this team.”

“I don’t trust her! How can she be a part of us when I can’t even look at her?” Weiss’s voice is shaky, and Yang is struck by the fact that she’s trying. She turns towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I think you two should talk,” she says, voice as gentle as she can manage. “You’ve both been hurt by the White Fang. I think you’d have more in common than you want to believe.” She gives her a tender smile. 

“Like what? Great, we’ve both been hurt. But we have nothing else in common.”

Yang shrugs. “I don’t know. Guess you’ll have to find out.” She squeezes her shoulder. “I know you’re trying. And I’m sorry about how uncomfortable you are. But I have a good feeling about her.”

Weiss nods, and her shoulders sag. “I’m sorry for making this difficult. It’s just _hard_.” 

“I know. I know.” 

* * *

Yang and Blake are stretching out when Weiss approaches. 

“Hello, Blake. Would you like to train with me?” Her voice is stiff, but Yang can’t help the smile blossoming across her face.

Blake’s eyes dart to Yang, and she nods at her. 

“That would be nice,” Blake responds, just as stiff, but it’s progress. 

Yang claps both of their shoulders, beaming. “Have fun, you two!” She arms Ember Celica and starts for Nora. “Hey, Thunder Thighs, you up for a rematch?” she calls as she swaggers over. Nora turns and grins, Magnhild already in her hands. 

“Always!” 

Yang cracks her neck, pounding her fist against her palm as she grins. 

“Try not to destroy the courtyard this time,” Ren says, and their heads swivel towards him in unison to glare. “We’re only here for another few days, we should try to not destroy.”

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?” Nora whines, and Yang smirks.

“Besides, that column had it coming,” Yang adds.

Ren sighs as he hangs his head. “Kick her butt, Nora.”

Yang’s nose wrinkles, but before she can respond, Nora is swinging for her. Yang dodges and pulls back up with an uppercut. Nora steps back out of her reach, and Yang is at the mercy of her hammer. She punches, sending gunfire towards Nora as she blocks the swing of the Magnhild with her metal arm. 

She grits her teeth as the metal hitting metal verberates through her. Her eyes long to flash red, but she lets the energy build within her. Yang doesn’t need her Semblance for training. She can finish a fight without it. 

Magnhild whirls around Nora, and Yang watches as she deflects her fire. She shoots behind her to propel her up close to Nora, and she grabs Magnhild as she braces for impact. Yang tears it out of her arms, quirking her brow as she does. Nora smiles back at her, and then they’re going hand to hand.

They’re grappling and grinning when the fighting starts, and Nora’s eyes flash over to the left. Yang’s brow furrows. They break apart, and they turn towards the site of the argument.

“You don’t know me.” Blake’s voice is hard as she’s ever heard it, and she’s not yelling but she’s strong in her cadence. The courtyard around them stills, but Weiss and Blake appear not to notice. 

Her eyes slide to Nora, who nods. They start for the pair.

“And I don’t want to,” Weiss sneers, crossing her arms. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“You think I don’t?”

Weiss laughs. “I think you’re-”

“Weiss, that’s enough,” Ruby cuts in, stepping between the two. 

“No, Ruby, let her. I want to hear it.”

Weiss raises her chin. “I think you’re an unrepentant Human-hater who’s only here to hide from the law and pretend like you’ve never done anything wrong in your life. I think you’re a horrible person, an animal.”

Blake staggers back, and her eyes flash. “You think I wanted to hurt them?” she hisses, and Yang goes cold. “You think I wanted this to happen? You think I wanted any of this?”

“Why else would you be in the White Fang?”

“The White Fang was originally about peaceful protest. Did you know that?”

“That’s not what it is now.”

“No, you’re right. It’s not.” Blake steps forward, and Weiss stands her ground. “I tried to stop them. I tried, and I failed, and that’s my fault, that’s on me, but don’t you _dare_ presume to know what it was like.”

“Once a monster, always a monster.”

“Who do you think turned us into monsters?” Blake is shouting now, and Yang cuts in between them, hands outreached.

“Stop it!”

“No, Yang, you stop it,” Weiss says, shoving past her. “This is between us.”

“That we can agree on.” Blake’s chin rises. “I failed. But I tried, I tried to stop him, I tried to run, and I got Hell for it.”

Weiss scoffs. “Yeah, right.”

Blake pulls up the bottom flap of her vest, revealing the scar on her hip. It’s X shaped, and Yang winces at the sight. 

“He stabbed me when I tried to run at Haven.”

“That could be from anything.”

Before Yang can cut a glare to Weiss, Blake places a hand on Yang’s shoulder. “No, she’s right,” Blake says. Her voice is eerily still, and something in Yang’s stomach curdles. “But what are these from, then?”

She turns around and lifts her hair as she pulls her shirt down. Yang goes sick at the sight. She had felt the scars, the ridges and the dips in her flesh through her shirt, but to see it, to see what he had done to her… She has to look away.

Weiss looks pale. “Who did that?”

Blake turns back around, and there are tears brimming in her eyes. “The same animal who stabbed me.” She steps closer to Weiss, and Weiss steps back, but Blake doesn’t let her get away. “Every time I ran, every time I tried to stop it, this is what I got. So you can hate me, Weiss _Schnee_ , but hate me for the right reasons. Hate me because I failed, but don’t you dare think that I didn’t try."

Yang doesn’t think her heart is beating. 

The courtyard is silent except for Blake’s ragged breathing. Yang moves to tentatively put her arms around her, but Blake pushes past her and heads back into the house. Ruby takes Weiss into her arms, and she nods at her, mouthing _Go_. 

Yang takes off after Blake. She’s already out the door and running, and Yang has to sprint to catch up to her. “Blake, wait, please!” Blake ignores her, and she’s faster than Yang, but she’s unsteady, and it’s easier than it should be to get in front of her. “Talk to me,” she begs, hand twitching at her side. “Are you okay?”

Blake’s eyes are red, and her chest is heaving. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” There are tears pouring down her cheeks, and Yang wants to comfort her, but she knows she can’t touch her right now. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Are you okay?” she interrupts. 

Blake’s lip wobbles. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

She softens her voice. “What do you need right now?”

“I don’t know.” Blake sniffles, and the sound breaks her heart. Yang steps back onto the grass, and she sits down. Blake follows her.

“Take a deep breath,” she instructs. Her heart is racing, but her voice is steady. 

Blake does. 

“Okay, that’s one. Release it, and that’s two.” Blake nods, and Yang watches as the breath goes in and out of her. “Do that until you reach ten, and then do it again.” She watches her breathe. The sound is shaky, and they’re interrupted by barely-stifled sobs, but she’s breathing. She’s breathing. 

Blake looks back up at her after what feels like ages. “I’m so sorry,” she croaks. 

“You don’t have to be sorry. What Weiss said was completely uncalled for.”

“But it wasn’t,” Blake says. “I’ve done horrible things for the White Fang, and I let so much harm happen.”

“You are a survivor,” Yang insists. “He hurt you because you fought, and you still fought.”

“He _loved_ me,” she says, and Yang goes still. “He would’ve hurt me anyways.”

“That’s not love.” Something burns in her stomach, but she forces her anger down to keep her voice soft. Blake does not need anger. Not now. Not yet, at least. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Blake snorts. “But I did, and I do.” She wipes at her face, and all Yang can do is watch. “I let so much harm happened, and I did so much harm-”

“You didn’t want to.”

“I did. At first.” Blake’s knees curl to her chest. “Violence got results. We used to be a peaceful organization, but when Sienna came to power, when Adam started- Well, it got results. And I helped, I believed that violence was the only way to get results for so long.” The noise that comes out of Blake’s mouth shatters Yang’s insides. “And I stopped believing that, and I tried to run, I _tried_ , but I failed, and they kept hurting people, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.”

Yang reaches for her hand, but Blake draws back. “I hurt people. I let people get hurt. I let him hurt you, I was going-” She hiccups. “I almost killed you.”

Yang shakes her head. “No, you weren’t.”

“I thought about it.” Blake’s throat bobs, and she lowers her gaze, refusing to meet Yang’s eyes. “I didn’t want to, but I thought about it.” 

“But you didn’t,” Yang says. “You _saved_ me.”

Blake laughs. It’s a dark sound. “You’re the only one I ever saved.”

“But you saved me.” She grabs her hands and squeezes. “You saved _me_. You knew you would get hell for it, you knew what would happen, what he would do, and you still decided to save me. You made a choice, and that choice was to save. Not hurt, not kill, but _save_. And that means something. If you’ll let it.”

“Saving you doesn’t excuse all the lives I let go. All the harm I let happen.”

“Maybe not. But it’s a start.” She forces a smile onto her face, but she wants to hold her. “You’re a part of our team now. We’re trying to do good. And we could use you.” She shrugs. “No one is perfect. Maybe you’ve done some bad things, or failed to help before, but that doesn’t mean you can stop trying, you know? We keep fighting.”

Blake’s eyes flicker up to meet her, and then they dart back down. “I don’t want to be any trouble. If Weiss and I can’t get along, then I shouldn’t come.”

“Weiss will get used to you, and you will get used to Weiss. You’re both good people.” She squeezes her hands. “I know you are.”

“You don’t know me.”

Yang shrugs. “But I want to.”

Blake looks into her eyes. Those gold eyes still hit her in her core and make it hard to breathe. “If I was a good person, I wouldn’t put you through me.”

“You’re not some storm be weathered.”

“Maybe.” Blake sighs, closing her eyes. “He’s going to come after me.” Her voice breaks. Yang goes cold. “He’s going to come after me, and Qrow said not to worry, but he’s going to come after me, and if I was a good person, I wouldn’t be bringing him onto your team, onto you. If I was a good person, I would just go back to him.”

“You can’t go back to him,” Yang says before the words sink in. “And why would he come after you?”

“Because he loves me, and because I disobeyed, and because he can!”

Red flashes before her eyes, and her hand starts to shake. 

Blake shakily stands up, and Yang can’t move. “I’m sorry,” Blake says, and then she’s gone.

Yang sits in the grass. She can’t move. All she can hear is the rush of blood in her brain, and it’s drowning her. 

His face leers before her, and she’s stuck. 

She’s stuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next Thursday! <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, everyone! I hope you're taking care of yourself. I can't believe we're over halfway through this volume, and I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am!

Blake locks herself in the bathroom when she gets home and blasts the water in the shower so her parents can’t hear her sobbing. She thinks they still can, but she hopes they’ll have the decency to respect that she doesn’t want to be heard right now. 

She sits at the bottom of the shower and holds her knees to her chest as the water slams into her. She’s mindlessly scratching at her legs, and Blake is vaguely aware of the pain her nails are inflicting on her body but she can’t care. She can’t care, so she won’t. She doesn’t.

Blake tilts her head up to face the water pouring down on her. It’s freezing, and she’s shivering, but she refuses to take the chance of warm water right now. His voice is echoing around in her head as it is. 

_I’ll be back for you, my love._

He’ll come for her. She knows he will. He’s waiting for her to leave Haven first, but he’s still waiting. He would never leave her alone.

How selfish she had been! How selfish to not even consider how Yang would react to seeing Adam again. Sure, she had been worried about him coming after their team and hurting them, but how had she not considered how Yang would handle the prospect? How had she not thought about how Yang would deal with the news that, in taking her on their team, they also got a stalker? 

Guilt coats her body, and she scrubs harder at her skin until it’s red and weeping and the cold water isn’t doing anything but making her sting. There’s gray and dead flesh under her nails, and she picks it out. She’s disgusting. She can’t stop. 

A broken noise leaves her mouth, and she closes her eyes. What had Yang said? In, one. Out, two. She tries to take deep breaths, but her diaphragm won’t cooperate. It shakes in her chest, and she lets out loose air that wobbles. She should have never agreed to be on their team. She’s not stable enough, she’s not good enough, she’s not enough, and yet she’s too much. She brings too much of a burden onto them. She can’t.

She whimpers. Blake wants to stand up, wants to get out of the shower and lay down and stare at the wall again, but she’s so tired. She can stay in the shower until her flesh has pruned and withered and sloughed off of her. 

Her teeth chatter, and she finds herself rubbing her hands up and down her arms instead of scratching. It’s so cold, but the idea of heat makes her ill. She moves so that the water directly sprays her hips, but she can still feel the burn from Jaune’s Semblance in her mind. Blake closes her eyes.

_It’s not real. Not anymore._

But it is real. He’s coming for her, and she’s a horrible person, an irredeemable person, and she’s going to have to live with that until he takes her back. She wonders if he’ll kill her. She almost hopes he will, but Adam has never been the merciful type. No, he’ll exact her penance from her body, from her pain, and then take and take and take until she’s no more than a breathing husk.

There’s a knock at the door, and she startles. 

“Honey, there’s a girl here to see you,” Kali calls from the other side of the door.

She swallows a sob. “Tell Yang I can’t talk to her right now,” she says. She can’t stop the way her voice breaks.

“It’s not Yang,” an all-too familiar voice goes, and she runs cold. Colder than the water, so cold it burns. She hastily turns off the water and wraps herself in a towel, shoving herself into clothes. 

She opens the door, and Weiss is leaning against the opposite wall with two mugs in hand. “We need to talk,” Weiss says. She extends the mug in her left hand to Blake. “Ruby said you didn’t like coffee, so I made you tea. It might be cold by now, though.”

Blake silently accepts the tea, mind reeling. “Do you want to come sit on the porch?” she asks, and Weiss nods.

“That sounds good,” she says, and Blake takes her outside, closing the door behind them. She takes a seat on a porch chair, and Weiss sits down beside her, delicately fanning out her skirt. Blake is all too aware of how she’s in her pajamas and how her skin is raw. She hopes she doesn’t notice.

They sit for a few minutes, and Blake takes a sip of her tea. It’s peppermint. She remembers reading somewhere that peppermint tea soothes the stomach. She hopes it’s true.

Weiss clears her throat, crossing her legs. “I’m really bad at apologies,” she starts, and Blake’s head snaps up. “So, forewarning, this isn’t going to be pretty.”

“What do you have to apologize for?” she asks. “You were right. I’m a monster.” The word verberates through her, bouncing off her bones and around in her skull. They’d been called monsters and worse before. She knew it was only partially deserved, but she had earned it. She deserved it.

Weiss shakes her head, pursing her lips. “I was wrong. About you.” She clears her throat. “And don’t argue, because I know when I’m wrong. It doesn’t happen very often, but I was wrong.”

Blake stares at her before nodding. “Okay.”

“But I need you to listen to me now.”

“And why would I do that?”

Weiss shrugs. “Curiosity killed the cat, and all that.” She covers her mouth, eyes widening. “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, I didn’t-”

Blake cracks a smile. It’s small, but it feels real enough. She almost laughs at her expression. “It’s fine. Really. It’s just a saying.” She wiggles her ears. “But continue.”

Weiss nods, placing her mug down on the table between them. “My father is a scumbag.” Blake’s features struggle to stay neutral. “He’s a horrible, horrible person, and that’s just who he is to his family, nevermind who he is to his workers.” Weiss’s shoulders sag. “But he was still my dad. And, for a long time, it was easy to excuse his behavior.

“A hard day at the office meant we had to be perfect, and if we weren’t, he yelled and screamed and destroyed our rooms.” Weiss averts her eyes. “He never hit us, though. At least, not until I came home after Beacon.” Weiss takes a sip of her tea. “He slapped me. And I know it’s not the same, not at all, but to have someone I loved, who was supposed to love me and take care of me, hurt me like that…” She trails off, eyes distant before snapping her gaze back up to meet Blake’s. “It crushed me.”

Blake is biting her tongue. She’s not sure she’s breathing.

Weiss straightens her shoulders. “Leaving was really hard. I didn’t let myself think about it when I was doing it, but it was hard.” She finds herself nodding despite herself. “I know my family has done terrible things. I know. And I want to change that.” Weiss stares into her eyes. “So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not recognizing that you want the same thing. You want to make amends, and I should have understood that. I’m sorry.”

Blake’s throat becomes thick. “It’s okay,” she says as slowly as she can. She even thinks she means it. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Weiss shrugs. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t have understood.” Her eyes drift to Blake’s hip. “And I’m sorry about making you bear your scars to us. You should have never had to do that.”

She’s all too aware of the light fabric of her shirt lingering against her back. “It’s alright.”

“No. It’s not.” Weiss’s smile is tight. “I’m not just here to ask for your forgiveness, though.”

Blake shakes her head. “I can’t go back.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Did Yang tell you?” she asks.

“That your crazy abusive ex is going to be stalking you and coming after us? Yeah, she did.” Blake winces at her words, but Weiss continues. “We talked about it. We’re pissed that Qrow and Ozpin decided not to tell us, but we talked about it. And we still want you.”

Something flutters in her chest, but she shakes her head. “I can’t do that to Yang. I won’t.”

Weiss sighs. “Yang has nightmares about him. Did you know that?” Blake nods. “Okay. He haunts her, Blake. She has to deal with him whether or not you come with. And yeah, he’ll track you down, _maybe_. Or he’ll see a team of Huntresses and Huntsmen that can kick his ass if he comes anywhere close to either of you, and he’ll leave you alone.”

“I can’t bring him onto your team.”

“If what you say is true, then he’s going to follow you no matter what. At least if you’re with us, we can protect each other.” Weiss straightens up. “You wanted to join us, you made the decision, so stick to it. Do some good. Make amends.”

Blake stares down at her hands. There’s still gray skin underneath her nails. 

“They’re still back at the house discussing how to convince you to come back, but I figured you wouldn’t listen to them. But you might listen to me.” 

“And why would I listen to you?” she asks, but there’s no bite in her voice.

Weiss cocks a brow. “Because I wanted you there the least, so you can believe me when I say that we want you there.” Her gaze softens. “We _all_ want you there.”

“But Yang-”

“Is a big girl, who can make her own decisions. And she wants you there.” Weiss stands up, brushing off her skirt. “I’ll let you think about it, but come tomorrow. If only to talk to Yang.” 

Blake hesitates. “Are you sure she’d even want to see me after all this?”

Weiss nods. “I’m sure.” She gives her a tentative smile. “And I know Ruby does, and Jaune, and Nora, and Ren.”

“You all barely know me.”

Weiss shrugs. “Yeah, but we’re usually a forgiving lot. I’m a bit behind the curve, but we generally like people. They want you on the team.” She turns and moves to open the door. “Please come.” And then she’s gone.

Blake stares at the mug still in her hand and takes a sip of the lukewarm tea. 

She could go back. She could go back, and she could join them once more. She could make amends, as Weiss put it, and she could try to be a better person. She could do so many things. 

She thinks about Yang this morning. The way she completely shattered when Blake told her he would come after her. She closes her eyes, and Yang’s fearful face stares back. She did that. She would hurt her if she came with them. She would bring them pain, bring her pain. And wouldn’t that make her a bad person?

But they still wanted her back. Weiss, of all people, _Weiss_ came to her and asked her to come back. They still wanted her. 

She sits out on the porch until it grows dark. She heads inside when her stomach starts to rumble, and her parents are already at the table sitting down. They smile up at her, and she forces a smile back. There’s a steaming bowl of broth in front of her seat, and she sits down.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to make the soup with you today,” she says, voice quiet.

“It’s alright, sweetie.” Ghira shifts closer. “Are you okay?”

She nods and takes a spoonful. “I will be,” she says carefully. “I think I just need to go to bed soon.”

They nod. Both of their faces are open and gentle, watching her. She feels the weight of their gaze, and she tries to revel in it for once. They care about her. It’s because they care about her that they watch her.

“Eat your broth, and then head to bed,” Kali suggests as she cuts her own dinner. “It’s been a rough day.”

She nods, staring into the broth’s murkiness. “Yeah. It has.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next Thursday! <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Hope you're all well. I was out of power for over 24 hours, so that was fun, but I have it back just in time to post, thankfully!

Yang doesn’t sleep that night. Fear keeps her stiff and awake, and she just stares at the ceiling for hours until the sun comes up and she can allow herself to get out of bed. She goes out and meditates, but it doesn’t take the edge off, nor does it chase the words circling inside her head out.

In, one.

Out, two.

_He’s going to come after me_

In, three.

Out, four.

_He loves me_

In, five.

Out, six.

_I disobeyed_

In, seven.

Out, eight.

_Because he can_

In, nine.

Out, ten.

_I’m sorry_.

Blake’s words echo in her ears, and she feels the weight of them in her shoulders. She hadn’t realized, not really, how deeply he had wronged Blake. How deeply fucked up he was. Anyone who could hurt another person like he hurt her couldn’t be human. 

And Blake _apologized_.

Because he was going to come after her. And that meant Yang was going to have to see him again. Weiss had tried to argue that maybe he would see them as a team and would leave them all alone, but Yang had heard the genuine fear and conviction in Blake’s voice. She believed that Adam would come after her. And Yang believed her, felt the truth of it in her gut. He was coming. 

Yang grits her teeth. It wasn’t Blake’s fault, at all. She knows that. That’s not the problem.

He was going to come after her, and Yang had to prepare to see him again. If Blake still wanted to come with them after the hell that had been yesterday, but she pushes that to the back burner. One issue at a time, she reasons. 

Yang closes her eyes. Slowly, she pieces together her memory of that night. She recalls the filthy sneer on his face, the glowing of his blade, the effortlessness with how he hurt her. Her hand starts to shake, but she pushes through it. The way his face was flecked in blood. The way he had slammed Blake against the wall, his hands white around her throat. The way he had kissed Blake.

She hadn’t realized. Not really. Had no idea of the depth of how badly he had hurt Blake. He had just taken Yang’s arm, how much had he taken from Blake? 

What would she do if she saw him again? Her hand clenches into a fist at her side as it shakes. She can’t get past the blockade of fear that comes with imagining his cruel face. She can’t imagine how Blake deals with it, deals with the fear of him. Yang is barely holding it together after a few minutes of trying to think about him, and she cannot imagine how Blake handles it.

There’s a presence at her shoulder, and she moves to turn around with a sigh. “Ruby, I’m really not in the mood-”

Blake stands before her. Yang takes her in. She still looks like Blake, but there are bags under her eyes, likely twins to the ones under Yang’s own. Blake sits down next to her, and Yang keeps facing her, eyes wide. 

“I’m so sorry, Yang.” Blake’s voice is rough like sandpaper.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” she says, but Blake shakes her head.

“But I do.” Her voice cracks. “I have so much to be sorry for.”

“He’s the one that has to be sorry.” Her voice is sharp, and Blake winces, but she continues. “It’s not your fault. He’s the one that’s doing this. Not you.”

“If I’m not part of your team, he won’t-”

“Come after us? Yeah, because he’ll be coming after you. And I don’t want that.” 

“I can’t- I won’t make you deal with my mistake.” Blake shakes her head. “I came to apologize. And get out of your hair. And give back this mug.” She gestures to the cup in her hands. 

“It’s not- Your mistake?” she tries, tongue twisting. 

Blake nods. Yang notices the slight shudder in her frame. “It’d be my fault if he came after you, and I can’t- I won’t allow that to happen.” 

“But it’s not your fault! It wouldn’t be your fault!” she protests.

“He’s coming after me, not you. It would be my fault if I came and he hurt you again.”

Yang shakes her head. “But you have better chances with us. And we want you on our team, and you wanted to be with us. Don’t let him control your life anymore.”

“I couldn’t forgive myself if he hurt you again, or any of you,” Blake says quietly. 

Yang reaches for her hand. “But if he’s going to come after you anyways, wouldn’t it be safer for everyone if you were with people equipped to handle it?” Her voice is as gentle as she can make it.

Blake’s shoulders sag, and she looks into Yang’s eyes, her own a watery gold. “I don’t know what to do,” she admits. “If I go home, he comes after me and my family. If I go with you, he comes after me and you and the team. No matter what, he’s coming, and I can’t stop him, and people are going to get hurt.”

“But that’s just the thing,” Yang says, squeezing her hand. “If he comes after you with us, then he’s going to have a hell of a time. We won’t let him hurt you.” Her voice catches. “We won’t let him hurt anyone.”

“This isn’t your fight, it’s mine.”

“But you don’t have to fight it alone. And you want to fight with us, right? Fight our fight?” Blake pauses, then she nods. Yang shrugs. “Then you should have no problem with letting us fight yours, if and when it comes to that. If he’s going to come after you, then he has to deal with all of us.”

Her free hand tightens into a fist as red splashes through her brain. She would be ready this time. She was stronger now, smarter. She could handle him.

Her hand still wants to shake.

“Are you sure?” Blake asks, biting her lip.

Yang nods. “We talked about it for a while yesterday. He’s only one man, Blake. We’re a team.” He’s only a man, not some nightmare fueled monster. He was just a man, and men could be defeated. 

Blake sighs. “I don’t want to get you anywhere near him,” she says finally. “You’ve gone through enough. 

“And you haven’t?” Yang’s heart throbs. She clears her throat. “But that’s not just your choice. It’s mine. And we take care of each other.” She squeezes her hand. “We can’t do that if we’re not together, yeah?”

Blake wipes at her face with her free hand. “Except that you’d all be safer if I wasn’t around.”

Yang shakes her head. “The more people, the safer we are in this fight. We have issues bigger than Adam. Issues you can help solve and fight. This is how we make the world a better place, Blake. Not by running, but by _staying_.” 

“She’s right,” a voice says, and they turn to look to see Ruby and Weiss. “If we don’t fight, who will?” Ruby smiles at them, at Blake. “We want you here. So, please, stay.”

Yang feels Blake stiffen beneath her hands, and she rubs the backs of her hands with her thumbs. “Stay,” Yang repeats softly, leaning in. “Please.”

Blake pauses, then nods. “Alright,” she rasps. “I’ll stay, and I’ll fight.” Ruby smiles, and Yang smiles, and Weiss smiles, and even Blake manages a small smile. Yang squeezes her hand, and Blake squeezes back. “Thank you for having me.”

“Of course,” Weiss says. 

Blake stands up. She’s shaking ever so slightly, but Yang ignores the pit in her stomach. “Let’s get training, then. The train leaves tomorrow.”

* * *

She’s tossing and turning once more. Yang is tangled up in the sheets, and she’s sweating. The light from the window is the only thing keeping her breath stable and steady, but it’s not helping as much as she wants it to, needs it to. Her heart is racing, and every time she closes her eyes all she sees is red, red, red.

Yang flops onto her back. She knows she needs rest, but the beat in her blood won’t let her rest. She’s on edge and all-too awake to sleep. She screws her eyes shut before sitting up and quietly getting dressed. She straps her shoes to her feet, and she leaves the house.

It’s still mostly dark out, but the sun is starting to lighten to the sky just enough that she can easily see where she’s going. Yang sets her pace, going for a light jog. Her feet pound the pavement, and she tries to lose herself to the rhythm of her run. Her lungs work to take in clean air, and her heart steadily pounds blood throughout her system, and her body is working but her brain isn’t.

Yang speeds up, as if she’s trying to outrun her thoughts. But she can’t outrun herself.

There’s a noise behind her, and she turns. She freezes.

“Miss me?” Adam drawls. His hand is on his sword as she staggers backwards. 

“No,” she breathes, turning to run once more. But he’s in front of her before she can blink, and his sword is at her throat. The red blade cuts into her neck, but he’s not digging in it. Not yet.

“Tell Blake I’m coming for her,” he grins, and then he cuts her head off.

She wakes up sweating, and the scream in her lungs is only stopped by her biting her lip. Yang sits up, pawing at her neck as she does. She’s okay. She’s okay. She’s okay. 

Yang takes a deep breath and lets her arms fall to her sides. Ruby and Weiss are still asleep in the beds over, which is good. She didn’t wake them. She turns her head toward the window, and the sun indeed is just starting to rise. 

Her hand is shaking.

She forces herself out of bed and pads out to the kitchen. Qrow is sitting there, and he silently watches as she gets a mug out and boils water for tea. He doesn’t say anything until her tea is brewed and she’s sitting across the counter from him.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asks.

Yang shakes her head. “Nope.”

Qrow sighs. “Some people say it’s helpful to talk about nightmares.”

“I’m good, Qrow. Thanks.”

He takes a drink out of his flask. “The train leaves at three today. You gonna try to go back to bed?”

“Are you?” she counters, and he shrugs.

“Someone needs to watch this damn thing,” he says, head inclining toward the Relic. 

“Head to bed. I got watch.”

“Yang-”

“Seriously. Head to bed. One of us should be well-rested.”

“Who said I would sleep?”

It’s her turn to shrug. “It’s for the best if the only full Huntsman we have takes care of himself.”

“Touche.” He stands up, stretching. “Wake me up at noon.”

“Set an alarm.”

Qrow chuckles. “Easy there, firecracker.” His eyes search her face. “You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

She nods, taking a sip of her too-hot tea. It burns the whole way down. “I don’t exactly have a choice in the matter,” she says. Her knuckles turn white around her mug. 

Qrow pauses, then nods. “You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” he asks, scratching at the back of his head.

Yang looks at her metal hand. “I don’t even know what I would say.”

He sits back down. “What happened?”

“I had a nightmare.”

“Yeah, no shit. What happened?”

She glares at him. “I went for a run, and Adam found me, and he lopped off my head.” 

Qrow blinks, the only show of emotion on his face. “Fun.”

“Real fun.”

“Do you have nightmares about him killing you a lot?” His voice is steady, and his face is neutral. Somehow, though, she can sense the worry running underneath, and she lets the tension in her shoulders loosen. She flexes her right hand, watching each metal joint move.

“He normally doesn’t kill me,” she admits. That’s usually her mother’s job, but she keeps quiet. Qrow nods. 

“You worried about him coming after you?” he asks.

She shrugs. “I’m worried about him finishing what he started, yeah.” Her throat bobs. “But he said that he was coming for Blake.”

Something flickers through his face. “Do you not want her to come with us?”

“No, I do.” And she does. She really, really does. 

Qrow’s head tilts backwards, and he takes another drink. “But you’re still scared.”

She rubs her arm with her right hand, the metal chilling her skin. “I don’t know how not to be.” She straightens up. “But I’m still here. And that has to count for something.”

“It does,” he agrees. “You’re brave, firecracker.”

“Bravery doesn’t take away the fear.”

“Bravery is staying despite the fear.”

She eyes him, and then she sighs, rubbing her face. “Can I tell you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Raven left me. Back in the vault.” She takes another drink of her tea. Her tongue burns, and she looks back down into the teakwood water. “The vault was open, and she was going to take the Relic.” She doesn’t look at Qrow. “I convinced her to let me take it, and she did. You wanna know how I did it?” She snorts. “I told her that Salem would come after her if she did. And she let me take it.”

Qrow stays silent, so she keeps going.

“She fears Salem more than she ever loved me.” Her voice is still, but she feels it quaking. “She left me. Again.” Her metal hand curls into a fist. “And I was surprised, and not. I knew it would work, I knew she would let me take it, but I didn’t want it to. She left me. And she’s a coward.”

“She is,” Qrow agrees. She doesn’t look up, but she senses him taking another drink. 

“Was she ever not?”

“I like to think so, but I don’t know. My sister has always been a hardass, you know.”

“I only know what Dad told me. And what I’ve seen now, I guess.” Bitterness coats her tongue, so she takes another sip of tea. The coolness of the peppermint does nothing to dull the taste.

Qrow sighs. “Did Tai ever tell you about the day you were born?”

Yang shakes her head. 

“You were overdue. Raven was furious, and she kept complaining about you. She could barely move, and she hated that.” He chuckles. “She hated not being able to train. Hell, I think she hated being pregnant, period.” 

“That’s so heartwarming.”

He cuts her a glance. “Let me finish.” She nods, looking back at her tea. “You came out fighting, you know. I heard Raven screaming from the room over, and you were screaming right along with her.” He shakes his head. “When I was finally allowed in the room, you were gurgling and laughing, and Raven was covered in sweat. She was smiling.

“She looked so tired, but you were holding her finger, and she held you.” Yang closes her eyes. “But she looked afraid. I didn’t realize until later, but she looked afraid when she held you.” He takes a drink. “She left two weeks after you were born. Just up and left. No note, no nothing.

“I tracked her down to the tribe a few weeks later. She refused to see me, and when I forced my way in, she called me a traitor for abandoning the tribe. We exchanged some choice words.” Another drink. “I had to get back to Tai and you, but I’ll never forget the way her face looked when she saw me. Like she hated me.” He shrugs. “She didn’t ask about you.”

Yang’s eyes run hot. “Of course she didn’t.”

“I don’t know what changed in her,” he says. “But it doesn’t matter, firecracker. She gave birth to you, but she’s not your mom.”

“I know that,” she says, and there’s an edge of irritation in her voice. 

“Do you?”

She clenches her fists. “Just because I’m upset doesn’t mean I don’t know that.”

“What I’m trying to say is that you should forget her.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” Anger sparks within her, but she smothers it. “I can’t stop myself from having hard feelings about her, Qrow. I can’t. She abandoned me, and I can’t-”

“You can,” he insists, and Yang swerves to look at him, eyes flashing red.

“She would rather let me die than confront her fears. She’s a coward, and I can’t stand her, and she’s _still_ my mother. I can’t change that her blood runs through my veins, no matter how much I want to. I can’t.” Her eyes narrow. “And I can’t change the fact that she chose to leave, and I can’t change that it hurts.”

“Fair enough.” Qrow stands up, stretching. “But you deserve better than this, Yang.”

“Better than what?”

“Better than spending your life mourning her.” He slouches and turns. “I’m headed to bed. Think about what I’ve said.”

She watches him go, heart racing in her chest. Once he rounds the corner, Yang turns back to her tea. She closes her eyes, and red flashes before her eyes. “Dammit!” She slams her hand down on the counter, and her tea shakes. Her eyes are still red, and her hair wants to burst into flame, but she forces herself to take a deep breath.

In, one.

Out, two.

Yang opens her eyes. Her hand is shaking. She downs the rest of her tea. She puts the mug in the sink. She walks out to the courtyard and sits down where she usually meditates. Her legs dangle against the edge of the stone. She closes her eyes.

_I’m sorry, Yang_

She snorts, but it turns into a half sob. “Yeah, I’m sure you are.”

Her hands fall against the stone, and she forces them to remain flat. 

In, one.

Out, two.

Her mother left her. Again.

In, three.

Out, four.

Again. Again. _Again_.

In, five.

Out, six.

Did she ever even love her? Did she ever even want her? 

In, seven.

Out, eight.

Two weeks. She had stayed around for _two weeks_ before leaving.

In, nine.

Out, ten.

Raven didn’t know the first thing about strength. About loyalty. About courage. About bravery. About family. 

But what did Yang know?

She knew about staying. She knew how to stay, how to be there for someone. She may have failed after Beacon, but she knew how to stay. For Ruby, for Weiss, for her team. For her family, she could stay, wanted to stay. 

Fear still coats her bones, and she can’t chase it out. She’s stuck between staying and losing it, bravery and fear, herself and her mother. She wants to stay. She wants to fight with her sister, wants to deliver the Relic and save the world. But she can’t stop seeing red.

Red like his blade.

Red like Raven’s eyes.

Red like her blood. 

Yang shudders. She focuses her gaze on her hand. Her hand that’s not her hand. But it’s hers, and she made it her own. She put it on, she spray-painted it, she fought with it. It’s her hand. 

She watches as her fingers clench and unclench into a fist. There’s a slight metallic groan if she listens close enough, barely distinguishable from the wind. She moves her hand from right to left, her wrist swivelling like she’s screwing in a light bulb. Her upper arm twitches, and her fingers respond in kind. 

Yang leans back and stares up at the golden sky. She pretends she feels warm, but the morning air is chilly against her skin. She ignores the cold. It’s still pretty. The sun is the soft yellow of an egg yolk, and the clouds are spliced with pink. 

Her lungs fill with air, and she revels in the vibration in her lungs as she exhales. She watches the sun slowly creep up the horizon, and she leans back onto her hands to let the rays catch as much of her skin as possible. Yang closes her eyes, and all she sees is yellow.

Yellow like Bumblebee.

Yellow like her fire.

Yellow like- like- like-

Blake.

Blake, who saved her life. Blake, who was staying despite the fear. Blake.

She smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! See y'all next Thursday! <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey, everyone! I hope you're staying hale and healthy right now. <3

Blake shoulders her backpack. Her parents are standing behind her, and she’s all-too aware of their gaze as she straightens up. She forces a smile on her face despite the urge to cry. She steps forward and hugs them, lets herself be crushed by their embrace. 

“I’m gonna miss you guys,” she whispers into their ears. “So much.”

“We know, sweetheart. We know,” Kali says, and she burrows deeper into their arms.

“We love you,” Ghira adds.

“I love you too,” she says, and she forces herself to remember how it feels to be held by them. She forces herself to note how her mother’s hair feels against her face, how her father’s beard scratches her forehead. She forces herself to take in as many details as she can before she leaves again. 

They break apart, and Blake isn’t crying. She’s not. Her eyes are misty, but she refuses to cry. If she cries, her mother will cry, and if her mother cries, her father will cry, and if her father cries, she’ll just cry harder. Her smile is shaky, but it’s there. Her mother’s face mirrors her own, and she forces herself to let go of their hands. She puts her hands on the straps of her backpack to hold onto something.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” she says.

“You better,” Kali says.

“I will.”

“Write us when you can, okay? You still remember our address?” Ghira says.

Blake nods. “Of course I do. I will write as often as I can.” And she will. 

“Good. That’s good.” Ghira smiles at her, and she sees his grip tighten around Kali’s shoulders. “Take care of yourself, honey.”

“I will. I love you both so much.” She presses a quick kiss onto both of their cheeks. “I’ll see you soon.” She turns around and forces herself to not look back until she’s past the gate. Her parents are still watching her, and they’re holding each other. She waves back, and tears are pricking at her eyes. She keeps walking.

She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. Blake walks over to where the rest of her new team is sitting, and they’re all smiling at her. Well, except for Qrow, but Blake doesn’t think he ever smiles. He nods at her, and that’s close enough.

“You okay?” Ruby asks.

“Yeah. Just gonna miss them,” she says, adjusting her pack. “How long until the train arrives?”

“Ten minutes,” Qrow says. 

She nods, shifting her weight between her feet. “Where’s Yang?” 

“Oh, she should be back any minute. Just ran to the ladies’ room, if I’m not mistaken,” Weiss says. 

Blake nods. 

“So, uh, exactly how far away is Argus?” Ruby asks. 

“It’s about a two day journey by train. Didn’t you learn anything about geography while out in those woods?” Weiss sniffs, crossing her arms.

Ruby shrugs. “I’m not the best with maps. Or time estimation. Or anything to do with travel, really,” she explains. “And I learned how far Haven is from Patch! And that’s about it.”

Weiss groans. “We seriously need to get you back to school when all this is done.”

Ruby makes a face. “Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

Ruby sighs.

Blake’s eyes are darting around, watching for Yang, when Jaune pulls on her sleeve. “Hey, can we talk real quick?” he asks. He won’t meet her gaze, and he’s looking anywhere but at her. She nods. “Like, in private?” 

“Sure.”

She lets him lead her around the corner to a hallway. He’s pulling at his shirt. “So I talked to Ozpin about your reaction,” he says carefully. “The other day? With the healing session?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I meant to ask before I did it, but, uh, you kind of ran off before I got to, and I wasn’t sure if you were coming back, and I wanted to ask him if that was normal. So I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He still looks like a wounded puppy. “Really. It makes sense. And Ozpin already knows, so it’s fine. But thank you for apologizing.” She tries to ignore the way her stomach curdles at the thought of Jaune sharing what he had seen, of him sharing how vulnerable she had been, how weak.

Jaune nods. “Still, I’m sorry. But he said that you’ll probably go through a regression of sorts with your Aura now that we’ve started treating it. Mentally, you’re going to be going through a rough time, and physically you’ll have to be very aware of your Aura levels. I’ll do my best to spot you where I can, but he wants me to do sessions with you twice a day.” He pauses. “Are you okay with that?”

Blake nods. “Whatever gets me to fighting form,” she says, voice tight.

“But still, no longer than a half hour each time. For both of our sake’s.”

A twinge of guilt twists in her stomach. “I didn’t even ask how tolling this was for you. I’m sorry.”

Jaune shrugs. “To be honest, it’s not that much of a strain, but I’m going to have to get used to using it more and at a constant level. It’s harder for me to see you in pain like that.”

“You’re helping me, Jaune,” she reminds him. 

He sighs. “I just wish it felt like that.”

Qrow rounds the corner, sticking his head around. “Train’s here,” he gruffs, and Blake nods.

“We’ll do a session tonight once we’re all settled. I figured Nora and Ren could go visit Ruby, Weiss, and Yang while we do… whatever this is.” He laughs a little at the end, but it’s a tight laugh, and Blake knows it’s for her sake more than anything.

“Thank you, Jaune.” She smiles at him.

* * *

They board the train without any issue, and then she realizes that she’s going to be sharing a room with Ruby, Weiss, and Yang. She goes cold as they shuffle into the room, the bunk beds looming before her. Ruby and Weiss take the ones on the left with Weiss on the bottom and Ruby on top, and Yang takes the top right. She sets her pack down on the bottom right.

Blake had known, in theory, that she would be sharing a room, but the actuality of it hits her like a truck. Her hands fidget as she unpacks the necessaries. They could hear her having nightmares. They could realize how damaged she is and send her back. 

She takes a deep breath. It’ll be fine. She normally doesn’t make noise in her sleep, besides some generic sleep-talking, according to Adam, but she does wake up sweating. She’ll just say she runs hot and leave it at that. It’s fine. They don’t need to know.

They lounge on their beds once they’ve unpacked, and the silence kills her. She worries her breathing is too loud, and she’s all too aware of every moment she makes. Weiss is reading, and Ruby is playing some loud video game, but she’s nervous that she’s an intrusion on their team. Like they would be having a better time if she wasn’t there.

They probably would be. They’d been a team for years now, of course they would be having a better time if she wasn’t there. 

“What are you reading, Weiss?” she asks, voice too high.

Weiss hums, flipping to the next page. “ _The Man with Two Souls_.”

“Oh, I love that book!” 

Weiss looks up at her. “Really?”

She nods. “Yeah, I love reading. I haven’t had any good books to read in ages, though.”

Weiss gets up and digs around in her bag before handing Blake a book. “Here. It’s one of my favorites. I took it from the library before I ran.”

Blake blinks, and then the dots connect. “Oh, right. Well, thank you.” Weiss gives her a tight smile, and she goes back to reading.

Blake looks at the book in her hand, marvelling already at the beautiful cover details. _The Corpse Doctor_. She raises her brow. Looks a little dark for Weiss, but she was always a surprise, she’d give her that much. 

She has just turned the page when the train rumbles, jostling them from their beds. “What was that?” she asks.

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Weiss says, jumping up.

“Just my luck,” she mutters. 

“Grab your weapons! Let’s go!” Ruby says, jumping down from her bed. She nods, retrieving Gambol Shroud before following her new team onto the roof of the train. The wind is whipping all around her, and she’s all too aware of how fast they’re moving.

Manticores are swarming a pair of men, and her stomach churns as one of the men charges and gets picked up and thrown off the train. 

“What’s the plan?” Yang shouts over the wind, and the rest of her team is already in a fighting stance. 

“Don’t let anyone else die!” Ruby calls back. And then they fight.

It’s easy enough to give her body back over to the rhythm of battle, and fighting Grimm is second nature. The Manticores are big, bigger than the last few Grimm she’s faced, and there’s so many of them. Ruby is whirling around in a blur of red, and Weiss is summoning glyphs like crazy. Her eyes can barely focus on them when she’s fighting, but she hears Ruby shouting orders and Yang and Weiss responding in kind. 

They needed to train as a team more. She couldn’t help them, and they couldn’t help her. Not without time, but they didn’t have time, dammit.

Blake grits her teeth as she slices through the neck of one of them, and it shrieks. There’s gunfire all around her, and she’s vaguely aware of Qrow yelling something to Huntsman from before about the turrets. She just keeps fighting.

She hears a scream, and her head turns to see the other man go down. There’s a tunnel ahead of them, and she rushes inside the car. Someone grabbed the man, and her whole team is there. Oscar is setting his wound when Qrow runs up and grabs him by the collar. She winces at the sound of his head slamming against the wall and looks away.

“You need to turn the turrets off,” Qrow growls.

“They’re the only things protecting us!” he protests.

“No, we’re the only things protecting the train. The turrets are just drawing more attention. If we turn them off, then there won’t be so many.”

“I won’t, they’re the only things-”

“Please,” Ruby says suddenly, approaching him. Qrow backs off. “Just shut off the turrets.”

“We know what we’re doing,” Jaune adds, and his hands start glowing with white as he tenderly touches the man’s arm. The man grunts as Jaune’s Semblance does its work, but he nods.

“Fine.”

“Jaune, we need your help when you’re done!” Nora calls, raising Ren’s hand. “If Ren uses his Semblance, with your help, we can mask the train. With the guns off and everyone masked, the Grimm might leave us alone!”

Jaune nods. “Right on it.”

“That might actually work,” Qrow says, uncrossing his arms.

“I’m afraid there’s one complication,” Oscar says, but it’s not Oscar, it’s Ozpin now. “The Grimm are also attracted to this.” He gestures toward the glowing Relic at his hip. The room goes still. 

“Why wouldn’t you tell us that?” Yang hisses, and Blake has never heard her voice so cold. She winces.

“I-”

“It doesn’t matter. Right now,” Ruby interrupts, cutting Ozpin a glance. “We need to focus on getting this train to safety.” Yang crosses her arms, but she sighs. “We’ll have to separate the train cars. The passengers in the front, masked by Ren, and the rest of us in the back. We’ll meet you in Argus.” There’s no room for argument in her voice, and Blake is struck by her ability to lead.

Everyone nods. “Promise you’ll meet us there,” Jaune says to Ruby.

“I promise.” She turns to Blake. “Blake, once all the passengers are in the front, cut the cars. I’ll give the signal when to cut it.” 

She nods. “Got it. I’ll help with evacuating the passengers until then.” 

“Weiss, Oscar, Yang, Qrow, and I will handle the leftovers. Meet us on the roof.” 

She heads to the car with Jaune, Nora, and Ren, and she starts directing people towards the front. Blake stays toward the back, Nora takes the middle, and Jaune and Ren are at the front. People are scared, but her voice is calm, and they generally listen to her as she directs them. 

Her Scroll buzzes a few minutes after the last people from her car leave. “We’re good to go, Blake!” Ruby calls, and she steps outside the car, the wind whipping around her.

She separates the car with ease, the sheath of Gambol Shroud more than sharp enough to do the work. Blake straightens back up, and then she sees him. 

Adam. 

Her heart races in her chest, and she’s holding Gambol Shroud in front of her, hands shaking. She ducks her head as she unsheathes the blade, but when her eyes rise to meet his gaze, he’s gone. She blinks once, twice. There’s no sign of red or black anywhere, and the world around is spiralling in white and blue. He’s not there. 

He’s not there.

She takes a deep breath and turns back around, throwing a look over her shoulder as she does. He’s not there. She’s just seeing things. 

“Blake?” Ruby asks, and she’s jolted out of her reverie.

Her tongue is too heavy. “I separated the cars. Be up in a second.” She shakes out her hands and climbs the ladder up to the roof, running to where the rest of the team is. The Manticores are flying out of the cave and landing on the train. She’s shooting and swinging, and they’re growling at her, but she doesn’t stop. 

They’re moving so fast, and everytime she jumps she’s nervous she’ll fly off the side of the train. They’ve taken care of most of the smaller ones, but the big one won’t quit. She grits her teeth.

“We need to ground it!” Ruby calls, and Blake sees Yang nod at her. Not at Ruby. At _her_. She nods back, butterflies in her stomach. They can do this, she can do this.

“On it!” Yang races underneath the Manticore, and Blake throws Gambol Shroud, wrapping the ribbon around the torso of the Grimm. Yang kicks the blade into the metal of the train, and they both pull on the ribbon, forcing it down. It’s struggling, and she’s using all of her strength to keep it down, but she’s nowhere near as strong as Yang, and she’s nowhere near her full strength. Her grip is tight, and all she can do is hold on.

She feels it when Weiss shatters the wings, and she looks up to see Ruby and Qrow cut the damned thing in half. She stands back up, and she’s looking at Yang. She almost smiles when Yang’s face goes pale. Black glyphs stick her down to the train, and she can’t move, and then she’s falling. No, the world is spinning past her, and she’s stuck in place, and then they’ve crashed. She lands in the snow, but she hasn’t broken anything. 

Her eyes dart around, and all of the team is accounted for. She nods her thanks to Weiss, who nods back.

“Everyone okay?” Qrow asks as he dusts himself off.

“Still alive!” a cheerful but unfamiliar voice calls, and she’s turned around and aiming Gambol Shroud at a woman that would barely come up to her shoulders. Her breath is ragged, and she puts Gambol Shroud away once she sees who she’s pointing at. It’s just an old woman. It’s fine. They’re fine. She’s fine. 

“Who’re you?” Weiss asks, crossing her arms.

“Maria Calavera to you, because that’s my name!” The old woman chuckles, and she walks down the train with her cane. “That was a close one!”

“Great. So we’ve lost a third of our team and gained a defenseless old lady,” Yang bites. She’s dragging a bike out of the snow and grunting, and Blake focuses her attention on her to steady her heart rate. They’re fine. Everyone is fine.

“I’m not defenseless!” Maria snaps, poking her cane up at Weiss. “I’m just a little hard of hearing. And blind without my eyes. Which are in need of repair.” She pauses. “Okay, I see your point. Continue!”

“Cool it, firecracker,” Qrow warns. “We don’t want to attract anymore Grimm than necessary.”

“Does it even matter?” Yang seethes. She’s never seen Yang angry before, and she unwittingly takes a step back. “Apparently, we’ve been attracting Grimm this whole time, so why should it matter now?” Yang turns to Oscar, hands on her hips. “What happened to no more lies?”

Blake knows she’s caught up on everything that they know, but she’s definitely missing something.

Oscar shudders, and Ozpin shines through. “I thought it was safer to keep our anxieties at a minimum. If you knew the Relic attracted Grimm, then you would all be worried, and I saw it best to eliminate any unnecessary anxiety.”

“Why didn’t you just tell us everything in the first place?” Yang grits out. “We’re supposed to trust each other.” Blake draws closer to Ruby, who’s keeping quiet. 

Ozpin turns and starts walking. “I did what I thought was best.”

“Oh, like with Lionheart?”

“Does his one mistake truly negate a lifetime of good deeds?”

“One mistake? You’re joking, right?” Weiss says. They’re all following Ozpin now, and Blake wants to split her own head open. No one is yelling, at least, not yet, but their voices are all on edge, and she wants to curl into a ball. Her heart is in her throat.

“What Leonardo did was reprehensible, but he deserved to be honored for the good he did.”

“We’re supposed to trust each other, why can’t you be honest with us? You can trust us,” Yang pushes.

“Do you really think Leo was the first?” Ozpin’s voice explodes across the snowy valley, and everything still. He stills. “That he didn’t say those exact same words to me?” He turns around. “I’m sorry, but I’ve had the time to put my behavior to the test. I’m not saying I think you will betray me, but I have reasons to keep secrets, and those reasons-” His handle passes by his hip. “Where’s the Relic?”

“Right here,” Ruby says, voice soft. Blake turns. She’s holding it in her hands. 

“Please, hand it over.” Ozpin extends his hand, and then he twitches, collapsing on the floor. Blake almost moves to help him, but something keeps her rooted in place.

“Hurry,” Oscar says, his whole body shuddering. “He’s scared you’ll find out.”

“Find out what?” Weiss asks.

“Her name is Jinn. Say her name and summon her,” Oscar chokes out.

Blake watches Ruby, and Ruby stares at the glowing Relic. “Jinn.”

The snow around them stops. The wind stops. Everything stops. Except her heart is still racing out of her chest, and everyone is still moving. The world around them has stopped, but they haven’t. 

She hadn’t believed them, not really, when they said magic was real. But what else could this be?

The Relic glows and floats out of Ruby’s hands, the blue mist forming a buxom woman with flowing hair. She’s draped in gold chains, and Blake can’t take her eyes off of her.

“Wonderful!” the woman squeals, stretching. “So tell me, what knowledge do you seek?” She pauses, fingers tapping against her chin. “I am Jinn, created by the God of Light to help mankind in its pursuit of knowledge. I’ve been graced with the ability to answer three questions every one hundred years, and you’re in luck! I’m still able to answer-”

“That’s enough!” Ozpin shouts, and his voice echoes in the nothingness of the still.

They all turn to look at him. Her heart sinks. What has she gotten herself into?

Jinn continues. “Two questions this era.” Her chains jingle. “It’s good to see you again, Old Man.” 

Ozpin ignores her. “Ruby, please. _Don’t_.”

“Hey,” Qrow says, and they’re all aiming at him. Even Blake. It’s second nature to pull Gambol Shroud out to defend, and her back is to Ruby. Ruby, who is shaking. She focuses her gaze on Qrow, eyes narrowed. 

He raises his arms. “Do what you got to do, kiddo.”

Ruby turns back around, but Blake doesn’t take her gaze off of Qrow and Ozpin. 

“Jinn, what is Ozpin hiding from us?”

“NO!” Ozpin screams, and then she’s alone. 

Everything is white, and she can’t see anything. There’s nothing, even more so than before. “Yang?” she calls, walking around the nothingness. Her heart is racing. She’s alone.

She’s alone.

“Once upon a time…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next Thursday! Hope you enjoyed! <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! I hope you're all doing well and taking care of yourselves. There's some mild gore this chapter, but beyond that, no trigger warnings. Enjoy!

Yang can’t breathe. Her hand wants to shake, but her panic is freezing every nerve in her body. She’s cold with fury, and it burns. She forces herself to walk towards Ozpin, hands on her hips. 

“Salem can’t be killed. You all heard her, right?” she hears herself say, her voice quaking. “What the hell, Ozpin?” 

“I-”

“What is your plan to defeat Salem, then?” Weiss demands.

“I… I don’t have one.” He lowers his head, and she’s ready to scream.

Qrow strikes him across the face, and Yang winces at the impact of Oscar’s body hitting the tree. A part of her doesn’t blame him, but the reasonable part knows Oscar will pay the price, but she’s not listening to that part right now. 

Qrow’s hands are shaking. “No one wanted me. I was cursed,” he spits. “I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world. I thought I was finally doing some good.”

“But you are!”

“Meeting you was the worst luck of my life.”

There are tears pouring down Ozpin’s face. “Maybe you’re right.” His eyes glow, and then Oscar is back and rubbing his face. Yang would pity him if she didn’t want to hit him herself right now. She feels the fire brimming in her veins, and she can’t force it down. Every inch of her is shaking with fury.

“He’s gone,” Oscar croaks, and Yang sees white.

“That bastard! Tell him we’re not done yet!”

“No, this is different. He’s gone. It’s like he’s locked himself away.” Oscar grabs his head, and tears start a new over his face. “I just want it to stop!” 

“He left us?” Weiss demands.

“What’re we going to do now?” Blake asks, and Yang hears the quiver in her voice. She clenches her hands into fists and turns back to Oscar and opens her mouth.

“Enough!” the old lady from before shouts, just as Yang is about to rip Ozpin a new one. “It’s going to be dark soon, and if we don’t find shelter, we’ll die.” She helps Oscar up, and Yang wishes she had thought to do that, but the idea of touching him right now sends her off the deep end. “There’s a trail over there. Trails usually lead to helpful places.”

“I don’t know who you think you are, but-”

“No buts!” The woman’s eyes squint at her as she slams her cane down. “We have a lot to come to terms with, but we can’t do a damned thing if we die out here. So pull yourselves together, because I’m not going to die from a little snow!”

“She’s right,” Ruby says, and Yang forces herself to swallow her anger at her sister’s voice.

She packs up Bumblebee and situates the old lady, Maria, whatever, on her as she pulls the bike through the snow. The path hasn’t been shoveled, and the snow is thick. It’s not easy to pull Bumblebee through, but it gives her something to focus on. Something to devote her energy to. Something to get her anger out. Anything to get her anger out.

The reek of alcohol is surrounding her, pulsates through the air around them. Qrow is drinking like it’s going out of style, and she can’t blame him. A part of her wants to ask for a sip, if only for the warmth it would bring. But they have to get out of the snow and into somewhere safe. Maybe a cave, if the trail doesn’t let up anytime soon.

Her muscles ache by the time Ruby hears the gate swinging. Brunswick Farms is at least a place to put their feet up for the night, and it has to be enough. She parks Bumblebee outside and helps Maria off. She’s trying not to think. The cold is numbing her fingers as Qrow breaks down the door to one of the houses, but her hands are in fists as they enter.

There’s no one home. 

“Close the door, it’s cold enough in here!” Maria snaps, and the back of Yang’s neck prickles. She bites her tongue, hard enough that she tastes blood. Her hands curl into fists, and she forces herself to inhale the cold air.

“Weiss and I will go check upstairs for blankets,” she says, grabbing Weiss and dragging her behind her. 

They reach the top, and the first room they enter is a closet, filled with blankets and towels. She smiles tightly and plies Weiss with them, covering her from head to toe. “Do you think they’d have a lighter up here?”

Weiss shrugs. “Why don’t we check, and then bring the blankets down?” 

Yang nods, and they abandon the blankets on the ground. She opens the door to the next room, holding it open for Weiss. Weiss smiles, and then she screams. Yang turns in and looks, and she understands why Weiss falls to her knees. She’s just struck still.

“Holy shit,” she breathes. She averts her eyes from the bed, but she can’t ignore the _smell_. Weiss begins to sob on the floor. She crouches down, still not looking at the bed as she steps into the room to face Weiss. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Ruby runs up, and Yang wishes it was anyone but her little sister. Ruby pales at the sight behind her, but she nods. “Qrow?” Ruby calls. “You better get up here.”

Yang helps Weiss to her feet and turns her around. “Come on, let’s get you downstairs,” she says, slinging Weiss’s arm around her back. She grabs a blanket on the way down and puts Weiss next to the already burning fire. 

She ignores the opening of doors throughout the house. She ignores the way Weiss is shaking. She ignores it when Qrow runs out and slams the door shut behind him. She ignores the smell still invading her nose.

Instead, she rubs Weiss’s back and drapes a blanket around her shoulders. She’s shivering, and her eyes look empty. Yang’s skin is crawling. She wants out of this fucking house. 

Ruby comes back down, and she takes over rubbing Weiss’s back. Yang steps back and shakes out her hands, letting the flames warm them. Blake comes to her side, silent but present, and Yang appreciates it. She sits on the floor behind Ruby and Weiss and watches as the fire crackles, Blake slumped down next to her. 

The six of them sit in silence until Qrow bursts back through the door, covered in snow. “Every house,” he grits, “every damned house.” He continues, but Yang shuts her eyes.

“Then we’re not staying here. Right?” Weiss’s voice is surprisingly stable.

“We don’t have a choice. We’d freeze to death before we got anywhere else,” Qrow says, warming his hands next to her by the fire. 

“We should scavenge for supplies,” Ruby says. “If we’re stuck here for the night. Maybe they’ll have a car.”

“Blake and I can check the garage,” Yang volunteers, eyes sliding to Blake, who just nods. “Anything to get me out of this house.”

She storms out, Blake following behind her. The wind whips her hair around, and the snow hits her face like tiny pebbles. Somehow, they make their way to the garage, barely closing the door against the wind. She’s shivering.

The creeks of the garage put her on edge. She ignores it. “What do you think happened here?” she forces herself to ask, if only to fill the stillness of the air.

Blake shrugs. “Water contamination? There’s a well in the square.”

She nods. “We should boil the snow if we can’t find a different water source.”

“Sounds good.” Blake’s ears sag, and she dips her head to look at her. “Hey, are you okay?” she asks, voice soft.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She shakes her head. “No. I don’t know! I’m just tired.” And so fucking angry, she can hardly breathe. She keeps walking, eyeing up the shelves. She rounds the edge of the shelves. A flatbed. “I found something!” she calls, stepping closer. Her eye drifts to the window, where the storm is still raging.

He’s there. He’s there, and he’s just looking at her. Adam unsheathes his sword, and it’s red, it’s so red, and even when she blinks she can still see it. She startles backwards, crashing into Blake. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Blake asks, setting her to rights before assuming a fighting stance. Yang looks up.

He’s gone.

Her hand is shaking. 

“I- I was just seeing things.” Her throat bobs. “I’m sorry.” She can hear the metal of Ember Celica rattling against her skin, and she unconsciously brings her arm to her chest, holding it with her other hand. She can feel Blake looking at her. “I still get flashes. From that night.” She looks at the floor. “Sometimes I think I see him when he’s not there, or I get nightmares.” 

She hears the floor creak as Blake shifts her weight closer to her. “Me too,” she says. Yang stays quiet. Blake clears her throat. “I have dreams about him. And I have dreams about that night.” She can hear Blake swallow. 

“Do you really think he’s going to come after you?” she asks. _After me_.

“Yes.” Blake’s voice is hard, but it shakes. “Eventually, he will. Now that the White Fang knows what he tried to do, he can’t go back there. And he promised he would find me.” 

Yang stares back up at the window. He’s gone. “He won’t attack. Not when there’s so many of us.” She hopes.

Blake sighs. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life always looking over my shoulder for him.” Her voice is flat, and her words reverberate in Yang’s chest. “He’s always going to be there. And I can’t do anything about it.”

“It’s not your fault,” she says. “That he’s coming after you.” _After us_. “You know that, right? It’s not your fault.” 

“If I wasn’t here-”

“I would still be seeing him. I would still have dreams about him.” Yang shrugs, still looking out at the storm. “If you weren’t here, he would still be hunting you. And that’s not fair.” She clenches her fist, still holding it to her chest. “It’s not _fair_.”

There’s a hand on her shoulder, and she tenses. “It’s not fair,” Blake repeats. 

Yang turns. Blake’s hand is still on her shoulder, and she can feel the uncertainty in her grasp, but Blake keeps her hand there. The words are burning in the back of her throat. She looks at Blake. Blake, with her watery gold eyes. Blake, who’s there. Blake, who stayed. 

“My mom is the Spring Maiden.” The words leave her mouth before she can think. “And Ozpin and Qrow don’t know. No one else knows.” She leans against the cart, feeling Blake’s eyes on her even as she ducks her head. “She left me. At Haven. She left me to get the Relic, to fight this fight, because she was too afraid of Salem. And it’s not fair.” Her hands curl around the metal supports of the cart. “It’s not fucking fair that I decided to be brave and it turns out that she was right. There’s no hope of winning, and she was right.”

She’s somehow not surprised by the tears starting to leak down her cheeks, and she screws her eyes shut. “It’s not fair!” Her voice echoes throughout the room, and she can feel Blake wince. Before she can apologize, Blake starts talking.

“It’s not fair.” She reaches for Yang, and she can see the hesitation in her hand. “But if we don’t fight, who will?”

“We can’t win.”

“But we can fight. And we might not be able to ever stop her, but we can contain her.” Blake’s hand grabs hers. “It’s better than nothing.”

“Is it?”

“It has to be.” Blake squeezes her hand. There’s a sort of tiredness around her eyes, but her lips are pressed into a small smile. Yang forces herself to smile back, but she knows it falls flat. “It’ll be okay.”

“It’ll be okay,” she repeats, and then she hesitates. “Don’t, uh, don’t mention what I told you to anyone. About my mom.” The panic is dulling in her veins, and the tension in her chest is loosening. A part of her doubts that Blake would ever, but she still feels the pressure to say it out loud. 

Blake nods. “It’s not my secret to tell,” she says. 

“Thanks. Really, thanks.” 

“Of course. We support each other, after all.” 

“Right.”

But she’s so tired.

* * *

She’s in bed, and she can’t get up. The blankets are suffocating her, smothering her limbs, and she can’t move. She can’t even turn her head. Yang can feel the scratchiness of the wool against her bare skin, and the plumpness of the pillow cradling her head. She can’t move, and she can’t open her eyes. Her lungs refuse to hyperventilate, and the panic moving through her system is cold and sleepy. 

She’s stuck.

Something whips the blanket off of her, but she still can’t open her eyes. She’s stuck looking at a world of nothing when she knows something is wrong. A shiver runs through her body, and it’s the only movement she can bear. There’s a low chuckle, and her mouth goes dry.

“There you are.”

She can hear the unsheathing of a sword, and she wants to fight, wants to get up and yell and _fight_ , but she can’t. She can’t. 

There’s a burning in her right arm, right above where her prosthetic attaches. Yang wants to scream, but her mouth won’t cooperate. She just lays there, breathing slow and steady. The blade digs deeper into her bicep, and then she can’t feel the lower part of her arm anymore. She hears the metal slacken and fall against the mattress, then roll onto the floor. It’s gone. 

He starts again, an inch higher this time. The blade slowly slices through her bicep and bone like butter, but he takes his time with it. He just gently presses against her flesh, and her skin and sinew peel back for him. She can feel her blood wetting the bed, warming her now-cold flesh. It’s soaked the sheets and the mattress, and she can feel it oozing behind her back. 

He starts again. The blade cuts into her arm right above her armpit, and he carefully carves her shoulder out of her body. She can’t even cry, but tears are streaming down her cheeks. Yang feels woozy. The metallicness of the blood is making her sick to her stomach, and she’s just laying there. Taking it.

He starts on her other arm, and panic surges anew. She’s at his mercy. 

He slices off the tip of her pinky. He’s shredding her apart. 

Yang wills her body to move, to respond, to fight, but she can’t even summon the energy to twitch. Her breath is soft, and she hears herself let out the faintest whine. He laughs at her. “This is where staying has gotten you,” he says. He snips off the top of her pinkie, just below where her nail ends. His voice morphs. 

“You should have stayed with me, Yang.” 

She’s standing now, but she’s still gushing blood, and she still can’t move. Yang blearily blinks at her mother. “This will be a mercy,” Raven promises, and Yang falls down to her knees and crashes onto her side. 

“Please,” she rasps, but she doesn’t know what she’s begging for. “Please, please, please-”

“Shh,” Raven says, gently cupping her face. “It won’t hurt. Close your eyes.”

She does, and the world goes red. 

* * *

Her eyes open, and the sun is just starting to rise. It’s cold. She should start the fire up again. She should wake everyone up. She should make breakfast. She should mediate. She should get Bumblebee moving and attached to the flatbed.

She closes her eyes.

She’s so tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next Thursday! Take care! <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter, friends! Hope you're ready for this!  
> Trigger Warnings: suicidal thoughts, depressive thoughts.

The sun wakes her up. Blake groans, pulling the covers over her shoulder. Weiss groans beside her and pulls back. She lets her. Her limbs feel so heavy. She shifts and snuggles back into the warmth. The light burns her eyes. She just wants to keep sleeping. 

The shattering of a bottle jars her awake enough, and she sits up with a yawn. Ruby rounds the corner and says, “Come on, guys, we overslept.” 

She forces herself to her feet, already longing for the warmth of the duvet. Blake stretches her arms above her head. She feels like she’s moving through syrup. Weiss is still curled into a ball on the floor, and Yang is sitting up but she’s not moving. Blake rubs her temples.

“What time is it?” she asks.

“Like ten. We need to get a move on it.” 

Blake nods, and she extends her arm to help Weiss to her feet. “Thanks,” Weiss murmurs. She nods. 

“Let’s get Bumblebee hitched to the flatbed,” Yang says as she stands, the comforter still wrapped around her shoulders. Blake’s eyes trace her body. Her hand isn’t shaking anymore, but she can’t forget how it had trembled. Something spikes through her, but it’s smothered before she can identify what it is. 

They silently get ready, and her body feels like dead weight. Every inch of her just wants to lay down. She hasn’t been this tired in ages. There’s a sort of numbness in her belly. She tries to think about getting moving, about planning ahead, about the future. But her thoughts are so heavy, and all she can think about is how warm the duvet was.

The world outside is cold, but at least it’s not storming anymore. Every step she sinks deeper and deeper into the snow, and she has to keep taking bigger steps out of it. She and Yang silently drag the flatbed out, working in tandem. Her shoulders strain, but she forces herself to pull it out. They have to get moving. Don’t they? 

She watches as Yang’s hands slowly but surely attached the flatbed to her bike, her forearm bulging as she twists the wrench. Something in her stomach twists, but, again, it’s gone before she can identify it. “We’re good to go,” Yang says, standing back up.

Qrow nods, and then the flatbed blows a tire. Blake winces at the pop, but it’s barely a shudder. 

“Quite the luck we have,” she mutters, kicking at the snow.

“Not yours,” Qrow spits, and he turns back around to shuffle to the barn. 

Yang slumps against her bike. Blake leans against the wooden post of the house, and Weiss and Ruby are sitting on the stairs. Her body presses into the wood, and her eyes want to shut. Despite the cold, she could fall asleep standing up.

Yang throws the wrench. Blake flinches. “Dammit,” Yang curses, rubbing her temples. Blake’s heart is slowly beating, but she can feel the urge for it to speed up. Her body is too sleepy to react. 

“It’s just a flat tire, Yang,” Ruby says. Her voice is weary. 

“But it’s not, is it?” Yang straightens up and crosses her arms. “I feel like the entire world is just telling us to knock it off.”

“What else would we do?” Ruby asks. “We have to get the Relic to Atlas.”

“I mean, do we?” Weiss asks. Her voice is slow, and Blake turns to look at her. “I spent all last night thinking about it. Do we really have to go to Atlas?”

“Of course we do.” Ruby stands up and starts backing away from them. “We need to get the Relic to safety.”

“I mean, wouldn’t it be safe in the middle of nowhere?” Yang suggests.

“The vaults have protected the Relics for hundreds of years, Salem would find it-”

“Okay, yeah, she’d find it _eventually_ , but do you know how long it would take her to find it out here?” Yang stretches her arms out. “Hell, we could just dump it down the well. She probably wouldn’t even find it in our lifetime.”

“And then we could be done with it,” Weiss adds.

Blake stays silent.

“We can’t just be done with it, we signed up for this,” Ruby says. Blake doesn’t know how her voice is so steady, so awake, right now. She wonders if she ever runs out of energy. 

“We signed up to save the world. Not just prolong it,” Oscar says. 

“Isn’t that what saving the world means?” Blake hears herself asking. She shakes her head. “Prolonging it?”

“Blake’s right,” Ruby says. “We signed up for this, no matter what it looks like.”

“But we could be done with it _now_ ,” Weiss urges. “We could just be done.”

Yang looks her in the eyes. “Doesn’t that sound nice?” she asks. “We could just be done.”

That does sound nice. They could just go back to bed. They could rest. They could be done. 

She feels herself nodding. 

“Maybe we should,” she says. “I mean, who would find it if we toss it down the well?” 

Ruby’s hands move to her belt, and she detaches the Relic. Blake watches as she stares at it. “I am really tired,” Ruby admits, and she starts shuffling towards the well. 

Good. Then they can all just go back to bed.

Ruby leans over the well, and then she flinches, and the Relic drops. “No!” Ruby screams, and Blake winces. So loud.

“It’s fine, Ruby. It’s fine. We’re done with it,” Yang says, rolling her neck around her shoulders. Ruby shakes her head, turning back to them.

“No, there’s something down there! I saw it!”

“You were probably just seeing things,” Yang dismisses.

“No, oh, what was I thinking? We need to go get it.”

“No, we need to leave,” Qrow says. Blake turns towards his voice. He’s dropped the new tire. 

Ruby puts her hands on her hips. “We need to get the Relic. I’m not leaving without it. I’m going down there.” Her eyes flick over all of them. “With or without you guys.”

Weiss sighs. “You’re not going alone.”

“You got that right,” Yang says.

Blake nods, rubbing her cheeks. “Let’s do this,” she says. 

Ruby’s shoulders slump.

“Whatever. I’ll be inside.” Qrow starts for the house.

“Where are you going?” Ruby asks, and he throws his hands in the air.

“Where do you think?” he growls, slamming the door shut behind him.

Blake heads over to the well. “Here, I think we can scale this,” she says, looking at the rocks lining the well. “If we have to.”

“We do,” Ruby says, voice strong. 

The four of them silently climb over the edge and work their way down. Her muscles are groaning. She just wants to drop down. That would be faster, wouldn’t it? Just falling through the air. But that would hurt, wouldn’t it? She shakes her head. What is she thinking?

They land on the ground with a splash. Ruby and Yang turn their Scrolls’ lights on, and Blake blinks at the sudden light. “Maybe we should keep them off?” she suggests. “That way we can see the glow of the Relic?” 

“Easy for you to say. You can see in the dark,” Weiss huffs, but they turn off their lights. 

They walk along the path, and every step makes Blake feel like she’s walking through mud. Her feet want to cling to the earth, and she just wants to fall to the ground and sleep. But this isn’t a good place for a nap, and they need to get the Relic. 

“There!” Ruby shouts, and Blake winces. So loud. But there is a faint blue glow around the corner.

Ruby runs ahead, and the light jostles as she picks it up. “I got it!” Ruby calls. And then she screams.

“Ruby!” Yang says, and then they’re all running.

Blake shakes her head, arming Gambol Shroud as they move for Ruby. They round the corner, and there’s Grimm. There’s so many Grimm. Ruby is firing off rounds at them, and one of the Grimm shrieks as her bullet cuts through it.

It cuts her right to her core, and she doubles over, falling to her knees. The water sends a shock through her system, and she’s so cold, but she can’t move. She can’t move. “So… heavy…” she mutters, leaning on her hands and knees. The cold is biting into her flesh, and it’s so cold. So cold. She could just sleep here, couldn’t she?

“What’s happening?” Weiss asks, slightly behind her. 

There’s a noise behind her, and someone screams. “Over here!” Maria yells. She stumbles to her feet, and they’re running. But her body is so slow, and she can’t make it move any faster. But she’s moving. 

There’s more Grimm, and they keep running. She doesn’t know where Maria and Ruby are leading them, but they keep finding dead ends. There’s so many Grimm, and every time they shriek she stumbles onto the floor. She has to force herself to keep moving, but it’s so hard. It’s so hard.

Why is she doing this? She could be home right now, sleeping in her bed. She could be dead right now, dead and resting. Adam could have just killed her, she could have let her Aura stay down, and she wouldn’t be here. Wouldn’t that have been nice? She could just be dead, and then she wouldn’t be here. That sounds nice. Eternal rest. That sounds nice.

They’re moving up the stairs, and every time her knees bend she almost collapses. She does fall and crash onto the wood as another creature screams, and she can’t get up. She doesn’t want to get up. She shouldn’t get up. She should just rest. She can sleep now. Adam can’t get her if she’s dead. She doesn’t have to fight anymore if she’s dead. 

She blinks as she hears the rest of her team members struggle with something metallic, and someone is screaming for her. She should get up. Right? 

But another creature shrieks, and she slumps back against the wood. 

“Blake!” someone, she thinks Ruby, screams. Her eyes slowly blink in response, and she attempts to focus her gaze, but all she sees is blurs of color. Blake isn’t not moving. She can’t move, but that’s okay. It’ll be okay. She’ll be okay. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the Grimm approaching, and she almost smiles. She’s almost done. It’s okay. She’s so tired, and now she can rest. She can sleep now.

There’s a flash of bright light, and it hurts her eyes, but she can move. She can move, and she will move. Blake startles to her feet, reaching for Gambol Shroud as she does. Someone’s arms wrap around her, and they help her up the stairs. Her head is a mess, and she can barely move, but she is moving. She is moving.

Ruby helps her up the stairs, and the metal is still fighting against them. “Out of my way!” Yang says, and then the creatures shriek again, and they all fall. 

“Ruby, what color are your eyes?” Maria musters, and Blake’s eyes roll to the back of her head. How is she talking?

“Silver, why?”

“Think about the people who love you, Ruby.” The Grimm shriek again, and Blake flattens against the floor. “Fuck the Grimm, Ruby, think about your family, your friends!” Blake slumps, and she can feel the Grimm growing closer. Her heart isn’t racing, and she wishes her body would respond, but she’s so tired. She could just sleep. 

“Life is precious, Ruby. And it must be _protected_.”

Ruby screams, and the light flashes again. Blake can breathe, and she watches as Yang punches the metal open. They run into the warm candlelight, and the smell of alcohol is strong. Her stomach turns, and she watches as Weiss starts throwing bottles of liquor back down the cellar.

“Hey!” Qrow protests, but Weiss ignores him.

“Help me!” Weiss says, and Blake forces herself to move.

She’s throwing bottles like there’s no tomorrow, because there might not be. A part of her wants to laugh at the careless destruction, at the act of breaking glass, but another part of her is screaming at the sound. She ignores it, and she keeps throwing. 

“Get back,” Weiss orders, and Blake presses against the wall as she conjures a fireball and sends it down the cellar. The Grimm shriek, and someone grabs her by the arm and drags her up the stairs and out of the house. 

Oscar is leaning against the flatbed, and his eyes widen as he sees them. Yang, who she just realizes is the one holding her, helps her up before starting her bike. “Everyone, onto the flatbed!” Yang orders, and everyone crowds around her. The house bursts into flames, and they peel off.

Blake isn’t sure she’s breathing. Her brain is aching, and she can barely hold her head up. Ruby is right next to her and gently bumps her with her shoulder, but she ignores it, staring at her hands.

They’re silent until they can no longer see the smoke of the house.

“What was that?” she finally rasps. She holds herself by her knees.

“The Apathy,” Maria says. “They’re not vicious or particularly bloodthirsty, but they drain your will to go on.” She clears her throat. “Bartleby got two away from their pack and put them down below to keep everyone’s mood low to stop attracting other Grimm. My guess is the rest of their pack found them, and everyone went to bed, and no one woke up.”

“Oh.” Blake stares at her knees.

“Yeah.” 

They’re silent once more, the wind whipping through their hair as Yang drives. Her stomach churns.

She wanted to die. She wished she was already dead. She was so tired. The fact that she could feel that way terrified her, but the fear brings her back to herself. Blake can feel again. Her emotions, while horrible, are twisting through her, and she can breathe. She’s terrified, but she’s _feeling_ again. Numbness is shitty.

And she’s been so numb lately, hasn’t she? 

“I’m sorry,” Weiss says suddenly. “About what I said about giving up. I didn’t really mean it.”

Yang stops the bike, and she throws a look back to the group. “Me too. We can’t stop until the Relic is safe again.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Ruby says. “It was those things.”

Maria sighs. “I should have known,” she says, voice bitter. “But my mind just isn’t what it used to be.”

Ruby shifts to stare at Maria. “How did you know how to make me do that? With my eyes?” she asks, and Maria chuckles.

“I had Silver Eyes myself, girl.” She laughs. “Let me tell you a story…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Next update is the last for this volume, and I'll tell you more about my plans for volume three next week!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, friends! Last chapter of volume two, I can't believe it!  
> Just as a heads up, I'm going to take a little break between volumes two and three to catch up on this series, so I won't be posting volume three until late September/early October. I do have a lot already written for volume three, but I want to work out some kinks before I start posting what I have.  
> Enjoy!

Yang wakes up from a nightmare, but the second she regains consciousness, the dream fades from her memory. All she knows is the panic in her bones and the way her heart is beating out of her chest. She sits up and brings her knees to her chest. 

In, one.

Out, two.

The sun isn’t up yet, but the fire is dying. She sighs as she gets up, throwing more kindling onto the dying flames. It sparks up, releasing more smoke, but it should last until the sun rises at least. Hopefully she’ll be back asleep before it starts to die again.

Yang crosses her arms, holding her biceps against the cold air. Everyone is still sound asleep around her. Her eyes flicker over her team, and she frowns when she notices Blake’s sleeping bag is empty. There’s a trail of footsteps leading off into the woods. She probably just had to pee. Yang shouldn’t bother her.

Despite herself, Yang follows the trail. Her breath is visible in the early morning air, and her skin is pebbled. She wraps her arms tighter around herself. She follows Blake’s footsteps, and she can soon hear running water. Yang pauses as she sees Blake sitting on a rock by a running river.

“Hey,” she says softly, and Blake turns around, fear in her eyes. “Just me.” She inclines her head. “Is it okay if I sit?”

Blake nods, and Yang watches as she wipes her face. She was crying. Fuck, she definitely should not be here.

“Can’t sleep?” Blake asks, and her voice cracks. She’s looking at the water once more. Yang can still see the glinting of tears on her face, and her stomach churns.

“Had a nightmare,” she explains. She settles against the dark of a tree, plopping her butt on the ground. The snow wets her backside, but she ignores it. “Fire was about to die, and then I saw you were missing, so I just… yeah.” She hesitates. “You okay?”

Blake chuckles, and the sound pulls at her heartstrings. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t press.”

Blake hangs her head. “I’m a mess.”

“You don’t look like a mess to me,” she offers.

Another short laugh, followed by a soft sob. “Thanks, Yang.” Blake clears her throat. “The Apathy just got to me, I guess.” 

She stays quiet. Blake continues.

“I thought that Adam should have killed me. So that I wouldn’t have to fight anymore. I was okay with dying.” Her voice cracks. “I was _okay_ with that.”

“Are you, though?” She tries to keep the panic out of her voice, but she’s not sure she succeeds.

“No. I’m not.” Blake sniffs. “But I was.”

“That wasn’t you. That was the Apathy.”

“But it would be easier for everyone, wouldn’t it? If I was dead.”

Horror twists in her stomach. “No, no, it would not.”

Blake looks up at her, and her gold eyes are so watery. “Adam wouldn’t be coming after us.”

“Yeah, but he would still be out there. And we’d have to go after him eventually.” She wants to take Blake into her arms and hold her until she doesn’t feel like this anymore. “And we wouldn’t have you.”

“You shouldn’t want me.”

“But we do.” She clears her throat. “ _I_ want you here, Blake. And you can’t tell me that I’m wrong, because I’ve had the time to think about this, and I want you here. Okay?”

“Why?” Blake’s voice breaks, and she turns to look at Yang. “You shouldn’t. I’ve caused you nothing but pain.”

“But you haven’t.” Yang sighs. “You saved my life. I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it, Blake, but you saved my life. Adam might have hurt me, but you didn’t. You didn’t. And I want you here.” She hesitates. “If you still want to be here, because no one will force you to stay. Especially after-”

“I want to be here,” Blake says. “I want to be here.”

“But?”

“But I’m terrified of letting someone get hurt because of me.”

“We’re doing dangerous work. We’re bound to get hurt, and I’d rather get hurt protecting someone I care about.” She shrugs. “You’re not hurting us with your presence. Hell, we need you more than ever from the looks of things.”

She watches as Blake’s breath spins in the air. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.”

“Then stay.” Her throat bobs. “Stay because we can do good. You can do good.”

“I am. I will.” Blake sighs. “I’m just not okay right now, I guess.”

“And that’s okay. But talk to us. We’re here for you, you know?” She clears her throat. “I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, Yang.” 

She watches as Blake leans back onto her hands. “Whenever I’m upset, I take a deep breath. Inhale, that’s one. Exhale, that’s two. On and on, until I reach ten. And then I start over until I can feel stable.”

“Does it work?”

Yang shrugs. “Sometimes. Other times, not so much, but it always helps, at least a little.” 

Blake’s breath curls in and out, and her eyes are closed. Yang breathes along with her, but she doesn’t take her eyes off her. They sit there for a few minutes. The sun starts to rise, but Blake is still breathing, and Yang won’t press her. She’ll wait. She’ll wait for her.

Something curls in her chest.

“I’m so scared,” Blake says.

“I think we’re all scared,” Yang says. Blake’s eyes are open now, but they’re on the river. “It’s okay to be scared.”

“I know.”

“You’re brave. You’re brave because you’re here even though you’re scared. You’re staying. And that makes you brave.”

“I don’t feel very brave,” Blake admits.

“I don’t, either. But we’re here, and we’re fighting, and fuck it, if that doesn’t count for something.” She chuckles. “It has to, you know? We have to count for something.”

Blake turns to look at her. “You do,” she says, her voice soft. Her eyes are wide and piercing, and they’re on fire in the early morning rays of the sun. Yang swallows thickly. “You count for a lot.” 

“So do you,” she says gently. There’s a lump in her throat, and she’s not sure if she should say it, but she does. “Adam can’t take that away from you.” _From us_.

“He tried.” Blake’s voice is barely louder than the rush of water in front of them. “And I’m still not sure he didn’t succeed.”

“He didn’t,” she says. Her voice is strong, but not hard. 

“It feels like he did, sometimes. Like he made me worthless.”

“He doesn’t define you, Blake.”

“I know.”

Yang stands up, and she walks over to Blake. “Hey,” she says, grabbing her by the shoulders. “You count. You’re here.”

Blake smiles up at her, but her smile wobbles. “And you’re here.”

“Of course I am.” She squeezes her shoulders. “We support each other.” Blake averts her gaze. Yang redirects her with a gentle push from her fingers. “Hey.” And then she’s staring into those moon bright eyes, and all the air leaves her lungs. “I’m here for you.”

“I know.” Her gold eyes are wide and open, and Blake brushes her hair behind her ears. “I just don’t want you to regret it.”

“I won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

Yang shrugs. “I have a good feeling about you. And that’s normally enough.” She stares in her eyes, and slowly forces out each word. “You are enough, Blake. And we’re going to do good.”

Even if Salem can’t be defeated.

Even if Adam comes after them.

Even if Yang’s heart is beating out of her chest and-

Oh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you soon, friends! <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to harass me about the next chapter, my tumblr is softlighter. <3


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